On being the best O'Dog I can be #2

[antlers]

Anniversary - I don't think I'm going to say or do anything about it. Other side is likely not to say or do anything either.

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So what if the other side does nothing! Act...don't react!

I saw this recently on this board...

"Regardless of our current struggles, I didn't think the day should go by without being recognized...after all, a lot of good has come from this day, like (your kids). And no matter what the future holds, I'll always be grateful for that."

Don't write it in a romantic card...write it in a generic card, and leave it in her car, or have the kids give it to her. "Lead", as Coach would say.

[antlers]

Got a nastygram from w about soccer game. I'm not going to respond to it although I'm very tempted to write a one-liner; "Don't tell me how to think.

I would like you to think about the position you put D in last night by sitting on the opposite end of the field from her. She wants to protect you and make sure you aren't lonely, which is why part way through the night she picked up her chair to move next to you. You could have sat in a chair right next to her the whole game instead of isolating yourself. I can't imagine that a counselor would tell you that's a good thing.
 
I realize you don't like BFF's role, but you don't have to be anything more than civil with her or me. BFF is a good influence on them, they consider her an aunt. Acting the way you did last night... which I assume is because of BFF... adversely affects your kids. Also, you almost did not say goodbye to S, which I noticed is another thing you have done on "My nights" ... just walked off without even saying anything to me or the kids. I realize you are "processing" and not feeling like interacting, but you need to remember that the kids take it all in. 

Don't respond to it. Shed it like water off a duck's back!

[antlers]

She just called me up and said I've "been a jerk lately". "What's your problem?"

I said I didn't have a problem and really didn't carry on with the conversation.


Wow! To her, even when I do nothing, apparently I can't even do that right.

Remember OD, 'doing nothing IS doing something'! Do a lot of that! Keep being the best dad, and the best OD you possibly can.

[orangedog]

Had a good discussion with Woman Friend. She reminded me of a few things and gave me that unique insight that only she can provide.

Grrr...Just an angry day.

[healthydad]

Hey OD...my STBX wrote/writes emails to me like that all the time...once, a while ago, when I shared one such note with my T his comment was that she was acting as though we were still in a relationship - and that she seemed to want to draw me into her drama...as I write this now it seems so damn obvious I can't believe I needed my T to point it out to me...it was also the session in which he said, "it doesn't seem to me like she's asking you any questions, so there's no need to respond." That's kind of my guideline now whenever I get an email from STBX - if there's a legitimate question I answer it - but if she's trying to tell me how to parent - I let it go...since she has nothing to do with how I am with my kids.

-Carlos.

[aliveandkicking]

Is there any information of value in the email (s). I mean, ego, DB, all that aside, do you need to be more conscious of any of the things she pointed out?

[orangedog]

BFF dropped off kids last night. She brought by an extra DVD player. I had been playing movies off the laptop plugged into the TV. Not unlike a plate of fresh-baked cookies. It's hard to be angry with one bearing gifts.

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@A&K - W, BFF, & I have very little interaction. Short of that soccer game, it's only pickups and dropoffs. I'm fine with them.

Maybe I should have sat with them at the soccer game but I couldn't do it at the time. It was just damn difficult to want to walk over and sit down next to W (who's angry) and BFF (now new soccer mom) and fake it. I was talking with some other parents and made myself at home elsewhere. So I failed the act "As-If" thing that night. She could have walked over and talked to me too.

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This whole thing assumes I want to. And right now I don't.

[orangedog]

Argh....What a man f up I made. TODAY is our anniversary not yesterday. I got this from her via email:


"...its on my mind so I thought it might be on yours that today is our anniversary. I know it is a tough time, but we have been in each other's lives for a long time. I know you don't understand how I could not want to be married and still think its possible to be family, but you are the father of my children and a great dad and I will always respect that. I'm sorry I could not make it work for me."

[Coach]

Argh....What a man f up I made. TODAY is our anniversary not yesterday. I got this from her via email:


"...its on my mind so I thought it might be on yours that today is our anniversary. I know it is a tough time, but we have been in each other's lives for a long time. I know you don't understand how I could not want to be married and still think its possible to be family, but you are the father of my children and a great dad and I will always respect that. I'm sorry I could not make it work for me."

No sweat OD this is still about her.

I'm sorry I could not make it work for me."

Gosh, I am sorry, the kids are sorry and both of our families are sorry you couldn't work it out either.

That just rubbed me the wrong way. I don't recommend you respond that way. Just a attempt at humor by me.

Cheers

[orangedog]

Here was my response. I wasn't sure what to write but if I deserve a 2x4 then swing away.

My phone reminder pinged me this morning but I didn't need it; I was already thinking about it. It's all different now but you're right, we've been part of each others lives and have a lot of history. Tough times but I guess we'll figure it out.