I would just be prepared for whatever answer she gives you. If it more D talk, then just stick with your gameplan: I cannot make you stay, but I do not agree with YOUR decision. It is not what I want. Say it calmly, but firmly.
So, what is the status of any more MC? Is your W still willing to go? If not, then drop it for now.
One thing that caught my eye was your W's statement that she was scared of the way you were acting. How are you acting around her, and has she ever said anything like this before the D talk?
Also, unless she volunteers to talk about your R or her feelings, leave that alone for now.
The other night she made mention that she wished we wouldn't of stopped praying together at night. Maybe I should say something like: I'm going to pray tonight, would you like to join me?
Still confused about whether these are pursuing behaviors?
jdopp, JMHO, I don't think this is pursuing. Can you expand on this? Who is usually in charge of prayer? Daily, weekly, Do you wish it had continued, too? Some girls really like the H to take the lead, so I think you have nothing to lose. Also, check out Retrouvaille, if you have not already. Peace, Goldey She is watching.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yes she says that I look different, act different, and talk different. I've been working out and have a new wardrobe, new haircut, I have really been reading up on relationship skills books and learning to communicate better. She says that she sees confidence now. My chest out, my head up.
I think we dismissed the MC together. He basically said oh sorry I couldn't help you, but if you both wanted to come back or if I wanted to come back I could.
We had a discussion out in the parking lot and my wife said that she felt like he was baiting me to say things that I didn't want to say. The MC kept trying to get me to say I was angry with her and that I was frustrated that my life was over, etc. I didn't take the bait.
I told her that I felt he was unprofessional in telling me how to feel.
Another interesting thing that happened that night is in the session he kept baiting my wife and said you guys have to detach now if you are going through this (little does he know, I already detached) that I will be completely devastated. She mentioned, "I tried to tell him we should sleep in seperate beds." I then mentioned that when "we spoke the other night she had said that she asked if it was wierd if we were still sleeping in seperate beds."
We got home and watched a movie together. I then told her I understand her need for space if she would like for me to sleep in a seperate room. She smile and said "No, let's go to bed."
Thanks goldey. Yes I do now. I really have gotten into a good place with my spirituality. My wife and I discussed this the other night. Hers and mine. She started crying and said that you know, "I was talking to (name here) the other night and said that I wish we wouldn't have stopped praying together." We stopped years ago. We go to church regularly together with the D's and say prayer every night at the table. Not in bed at night though.
She seems very confused (or maybe I am based on what you are describing). That is actually pretty normal from what I have learned about a WAS. But, if she is confused, that's a good thing.
Keep doing what you are doing. She is watching. She may continue to bring up D - you cannot control that. Just stick with I can't make you stay/I don't agree with that decision.
What are you doing to GAL? Are you making yourself too available to her? Some of the things I have done are going to dinner and a movie with a friend after work - never did that before. If we are having a conversation that is going well, I am the one to end it - "I'm beat, gonna hit it early tonight. Good night." She needs to miss you and to realize that what she has built up in her mind as a wonderful life after you is not what it will really be like.
Just be strong, pleasant and upbeat aound her, without over doing it.
Sorry for the hijack, I'll start a thread one of these days. Coach, glad to see things are improved w/ Greek. My sitch is, well, complicated. But I'm back home.
I chimed in, because something in this sitch is calling me. To make a long story short, I was a WAW last fall. I have long-term depression, and recognize some of the things you report your W is saying. Untreated issues can result in some comments that just don't make sense. (And can even continue once treatment is underway!)
I don't know how much you know about the meds, how they work, etc., but if you are slightly interested, and if your W is headed toward using them, you may want to read up.
I haven't GAL enough. I go out of town every other week for a few days and yes I do call once a day to talk with my kids, but obviously I have to talk with her as well.
It's weird, I was not a good communicator with my W the last few years. So I question myself on communicating more or less in my sitch.
I don't go out with new friends enough no. I want to see my kids every chance I get. I know I need to do this.
I was thinking of taking the kids out of town to my parents this weekend but haven't decided that yet. Long, long drive especially after out of town.
