The mindset I see "successful" people make here is "I will thrive thru this regardless of the outcome." Because that is all about you. It's a command to yourself to grow. It's the clarity to detach because your marriage might not survive. It's the will to work on what you need to for your next "marriage."
Ya, I get a little hung up on the logistics and coping with the unforeseen variables. It is like a train wreck in slow motion. Once the train crashes and the damage is assessed, we can heal. In the mean time, I want to "handle it" with as much grace, clarity and mindfulness as possible.
I think this is where my faith comes into play. I have been reading, over nd over, a book by Joyce Meyers called Seven things to keep the Devil Under Your Feet. The enemy has no more authority in your life than you and God allow and in the name of Jesus we have the power to force him out. However, hot to push a theology, but to give you perspective, the first thing you can do is to walk in peace. You have to not only be a peacemaker but a peace maintainer. If you keep peace in your heart, realizing that the only authority you have is over yourself, you will find the peace you so crave. You have to surrender everything you cannot control to the Universe (or in my case, the Sovereign Lord) and focus on finding your own peace.
By working toward your own peace, you will bring peace into your life.
Living God's blessing with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
You know, I am not a real religious person but that post helped so much. I am so emotional and angry right now. I keep fighting with H because I haven't accepted his choice. I keep lashing out because I have massive bills to pay and he is adding more.
And then, when we get into it, he falls back on blaming (which makes sense given his motivation)...
I want to stop. Today, he called and "needed" to come by and I just feel so invaded all the time...one way or the other.
I feel so out of control. I feel everything is happening...I don't want to grasp for control from this place. That is why I am seeking help.
I should go back to my relative L to determine the best way to protect myself and my credit and future stability.
You will continue to feel out of control until you start taking action for yourself. Put your needs first, yes ahead of your H's and the kids. You can't do good for your kids if you are a heap on the floor. Make a list, prioritise and get busy. Work is a verb (action word.) Love is a verb. Help is a verb. The pressure will alleviate when you start getting busy. Now GO! I tell my players to "FLY!" when I want them to bust it.
AliveandKicking, FLY!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yes! The enormity of the debt and bills and having the kids is overwhelming me.
There is no way I can make enough money to handle any of this at the moment, I keep working away at the projects I have (one of which should, God willing bring in money soon), but I know this is my achilles heel. I have $20 in my account and H can't tell me for sure when more will come in. And then the knowledge that he is adding more expenses just kills me. And here we are right where we've been all along.
So, yes, a plan, a real plan needs to be implemented.
I know that I have been so controlling in the past and look at how things end up so I don't trust myself anymore.
I am so hostile that he can just breeze out of here and tell me to "hang in there." I almost bust a gasket on that one. And there I was, for his viewing pleasure, the judgmental, negative, naysaying critic who is just looking at the cup half empty cuz I should just know it is all going to work out just fine...
So, yes, I need a very practical plan for climbing my way out of this.
Today (not always), I am so jealous of him...why? He is broke, has only other people's opinions of him to draw self-esteem from ("so and so says I'm the best dad she's ever seen"), a fracture because he has an injury that wasn't dealt with for months so will now have him limping and cost more money...and I'm jealous of him? Why? Maybe because he can brush it all off and say it will all work out.
Anyway, ya, this is tough with the move happening so I am extra emotional.
You will continue to feel out of control until you start taking action for yourself. Put your needs first, yes ahead of your H's and the kids. You can't do good for your kids if you are a heap on the floor. Make a list, prioritise and get busy. Work is a verb (action word.) Love is a verb. Help is a verb. The pressure will alleviate when you start getting busy. Now GO! I tell my players to "FLY!" when I want them to bust it.
AliveandKicking, FLY!
Or get back on that horse you were talking about a few posts up... Use that image, a flying horse, (I keep picturing the red one on the Mobil signs) as a thought-stopping image when you start feeling out-of-control and as a trigger to do just as @Coach says!
Originally Posted By: AliveandKicking
...I can only control meso back on the horse, aaaagain.
Last edited by AlexEN; 07/14/0908:20 PM.
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
Last summer when I was wallowing, alone, afraid and woreout. I came up with my mantra, "I can handle it." No matter what it was I can handle it. How would I handle it? By thinking, planning, getting input, simplifying, exercising, praying, mojo and staying busy. The "snakes" invaded when I got tired, hungry, and bored. I knew what triggered them and worked around them. You didn't ask to be here. You do have to deal with it though. I promise the fear of what you are facing is not as bad as the reality. Take action, get some facts and start working your plan. Don't you give up on yourself. Dust yourself off and take a stand for yourself (it feels really good to do something loving for yourself). You can handle it. Nobody is giving up on you. 2x4s mean you are loved here.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
