A New Decade - Part 2

[Sanderika]

Hi MsM....

I am so happy for you one of your goals has been met. It helps to keep you going forward when something works. You realize you are doing it right.

IMO your XH didn't want you to jump to any conclusions as to why he was attending the b-day party. He felt it was very important that you understood he felt it was an obligation to attend for her. Perhaps her condition is worsening and he attended simply out of respect for his boss and family.

I think it is a good sign that he wants to reassure you that he is not out socializing. It's a good sign he wanted to spend his day off with you. It's a good sign he's enjoying Sundays with you. It's a good sign you are hugging and kissing.

Sometimes the company is perfect even though there isn't a lot of conversing. Sometimes it feels just right to just be with someone in comfort while enjoying the companionship. With time as you two become more comfortable together the conversing will come. It's all about the baby steps. Keep the PMA and it will rub off on H too. I wonder if his self-esteem has been damaged in the process and it will take time for him to regain his ability to open up and release his inhibitions. He already feels safe with you because of the way you treat him.

I wouldn't worry too much about the miscommunication about the oil and it might be something you thought had more impact than XH thought it did. It might be that XH didn't even notice that your comment was telling him what to do. With your continued analyzing of the comment XH now realizes what you were doing. A safe approach for the next time is to simply leave XH to take care of matters himself and not say anything, let him handle it and MsM goes about her own business and does something different leaving XH to finish up. No Communication fits some situations perfectly. XH didn't stand up for himself because he didn't even notice MsM was telling him what to do. He might have simply thought you were trying to be helpful.

I am happy your afternoon and evening went very well.

It's baby steps in the right direction and that feels really good right now. Keep doing what you are doing, it's working.

(((((Hugs, my friend)))))

Sanderika

[MichelleLT]

Yay for baby steps!

Ditto to Snanderika. She nailed it.

[MsMelancoly]

Thanks for your analysis Sanderika. The thing is pre-bomb that was one of his complaints (nagging/directing too much). And out of the many complaints, that one is true. Sorry to say, but it's hereditary my mum & grandma do the same thing. A very tough habit to break. At least I'm conscience of it. I'll get over it.

[Sanderika]

Hi MsM,

I was wondering about how you are....

I hope you and XH can spend some more quality time together this weekend.

These ladies in your life must be very strong and powerful, the traits have lasted three generations!!!! I can see why you would have the tendency to behave the same way for sure!!!!

I have some traits from my family, some are great and others not so likeable. I, like you, am trying to break the bad ones.

As long as we have identified 'em, we can change 'em!!!

I hope your week went well and your weekend is even better.

Sanderika

[JCJ]

Hi Ms M

That is so good that your XH called to let you know, and clearly showed that he wanted to spend time with you becuase he immeadiately arranged a different day. So much more courtesy than they have shown previously.

I agree about the oil thing, he probably didn't really notice so don't beat yourself up.

Hope you are well and had a fab weekend!

[Kenn]

hi MsM!

hope you are doing well! miss you. life has become so busy but I wanted to stop by and say hello! miss my friends!

[Sanderika]

A friendly hello.....

Hope things with you are great.....

(((((HUGS)))))

Sanderika

[MsMelancoly]

Yep, I'm here still lurking around. Not much new to report. Didn't see XH last weekend & really didn't care if I did. Not sure why that is. Maybe it's the lack of connection or maybe just my mood for the week.

I emailed him on Tues asking how his weekend went. The gloomy weather had him depressed on Sunday. I also emailed him to see if he had gotten car insurance. He emailed back saying he was deciding. I told him that as of yesterday he didn't have car insurance. (I had warned him for a month that car insurance was due to renew this month & since we are D, he had to find his own). He emailed back stating how he hates doing this kind of stuff. I said, yep, I know that. And then I thought to myself & that was one of your benefits of being M to me - but in the end - that really wasn't very important.

Been busy at work (I work at a non profit was well). At home my sister has been driving me crazy with her employment decisions/drama/emotions. Ah, where's the quiet time?

[Sanderika]

Hey MsM.....

Glad you are still lurking about......

Yes, it's reality for XH. Car Insurance, Registrations, Bill Paying, Etc... It's his burden now. Is this kind of stuff contributing to XH feeling of depression? He is capable of taking care of his own business, I assume. It is not fun. It is now a consequence that makes the D even more real. I wonder if he is sulking and feeling real bad about himself right now and his choices? I wonder if the regrets are starting?

I was hoping to read more about light-hearted visits between the two of you. This is probably only temporary. For you I hope so....

I hope this weekend brings you some good contact with him, if it is what you would like to see.

I have accepted a second job and I start that next Wednesday. I am excited. I have been looking for something for a long while now. It is doing the same kind of work I already do. There will be a learning curve since most companies operate a little differently. I am ready for a new challenge. Time will become precious once again.

It's pouring rain here today, I hope it clears, we have had enough already. ENOUGH!!!! This is the summer that isn't a summer!!!! I live w/i 17 miles of the coast of Maine and we have had rain, rain, rain. Our temps have maintained at 65-70 degrees nearly everyday. Just plain aggravating. I have hardly broke out the summer clothes.

I hope you have an enjoyable weekend.....make some time just for you MsM!!!!!

Take care my friend,

Sanderika

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, my STBXH had the gall to b!tch that his car insurance rates went up when he got his own. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "guess you should either keep me or maybe you should stop getting speeding tickets."