Hello, friend. I'm certainly no paragon of virtue or wisdom or even much common sense, and I'll likely be way off the reservation here, but....
But.
It strikes me that, purely as an objective matter, if you could divorce yourself from the emotional roller-coaster (pun intended), things might look different.
If this latest stunt is at all indicative of Monsoor's "normal" way of looking at things, in many respects you're catching a break here with the dissolution of the marriage. This is not the kind of behavior that one wants/needs/expects where two small children -- and their futures -- are at stake. I mean, "my rich bud is loaning me the guest house on his estate" is hardly a college savings plan, is it?
Surely you're familiar with the book by Dan Kiley, The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. Et pour Le Shmedlap, ici l'article du Wikipedia en Francais: Le Syndrome de Peter Pan.
Have you read Kiley's companion book, The Wendy Dilemma: When Women Stop Mothering Their Men?
I would also recommend Albert Bernstein's book, Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry.
The main thing, though, is this: Let's assume you want your marriage to survive and thrive. You have several hills that need climbing, in much the same way that those married to addicts do. Because the day Monsoor calls a halt to his wandering ways, and agrees to work at the marriage, you'll have ascended to a peak only to see a much larger mountain behind it -- all of these issues of employment, star-gazing, "hanging out," and the marriage-killing topic of money. That's an awful lot of The Work.
I don't envy you. And I certainly am inclined to give you a pass on a lot of your frustrations, back-sliding temptations, worries about mind-f*cks, and the rest.
He's going to have to pay some bills no matter what happens in your marriage. Try not to feel left behind. There is a more meaningful path for you and the kids to take. Let him have the empty razzle dazzle.
If this latest stunt is at all indicative of Monsoor's "normal" way of looking at things, in many respects you're catching a break here with the dissolution of the marriage. This is not the kind of behavior that one wants/needs/expects where two small children -- and their futures -- are at stake. I mean, "my rich bud is loaning me the guest house on his estate" is hardly a college savings plan, is it?
And???
I am inclined to find my own place with the kids and ask for a certain amount of money (that I know he can afford) and he can do what he wishes with his money.
Or what? Wait until his gravy train stops...he may float forever.
I'm beyond pissed that I have to make the next move.
And quite apart from the emotional component of this whole situation -- the hurt, the fear, etc. -- there's something to be said for considering yourself to be getting out while the getting's good. This guy's approach to life seems to be a ticking time-bomb for you and the kids under the best of circumstances.
