Glam, I will never have 2X4's to hand out, but....
Nothing's changed w/your h. He's sending mixed signals once again. They do this quite often in the Land of Oz. You can't rely on him. They tell you what you want to hear to string you along. Who knows, maybe some day he will come home, but for now, I don't see it happening in the next few weeks. The question you need to be asking yourself is this...where do I go from here? Do I move on and leave the door ajar or do I divorce him?
BTW, you are also sending mixed signals as well. I realize you can't resist the man when he starts cuddling up to you, but if you are really through w/him and have had enough, you most likely shouldn't be having sex w/him. The reason that I am saying this is that you may be giving him the signal that it's okay and you don't care about what he's done, etc. That you are wiling to take the crumbs that he's offering up to you. Glam, you are far more deserving of a 100% relationship whereby the man treats you w/respect, love and honor. Someone who is going to be there for you and walk this life w/you side-by-side.
Maybe the turning point for him will be no the next time and then he will realize that you are not waiting for him any longer. I just hope everything turns out okay and he realizes what he's about to lose if he doesn't get his act together.
Glam, most importantly, please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
GG, you have stood with class and dignity, so dont become a doormat. start to disengage yourself from your H. sex should be one of those liberties afforded in a m/r that is gonna go somewhere besides the crapper.
your H will continue to use/abuse you and keep it status quo as long as you let him. your kindness and unconditional love in the face of great disreapect hasnt changed him one iota ....so try a 180...the bar is now closed H!
as snodderly said maybe in the face of loosing it all he will wake up I didnt mean to sound crass, just hate to see you devalue yourself that way
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
That's why my last post said out with a bang, because that is exactly what I did. Thanks for the encouragement.
I don't expect anyone to understand, but this is a man that I ml to for 15 years and he has been the one man that got it right, so sorry that is hard to give that up knowing that it might never be again with anyone.
So why not give it up on a perfect day ending with fireworks. Snodderly you are right, talk about mixed signals that is exactly what my h is doing. He thinks everything is just fine between us and now I had such a great day with my h it's hard to go back into being a cold heartless bit#$........
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
i hear what everyone else says, that we allow them to keep this going, without making firm decisions one way or another.
but it is extremely hard to not ml with them, we want that connection with them...and in some ways, it keeps it alive, and alive is what we want.
i have no advice to offer, because i am the same with the intimate contact.
to me, if he still wants to have it with me, he isnt so sold on ow, after everything that has taken place, and u are i are in the same time frame of 3 years, they still come back to us.
the other day my h and i were being intimate and he said maybe we shouldnt have sex, and i responded with, well of course im not, i dont plan on it, and yes, it did make him want what he couldnt have.
he was shocked and then wanted to.
so i hear what everyone is saying, but it is hard to resist them.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
glam- I understand you making it your last hurrah...however, doesn't it make it that much more difficult to let go when you feel that connection? I know it is for me. Maybe it was it your way of having closure?
I wish you the strength you will need to make this break because I don't see your H letting go quite so easily. Your H still wants to live in a fantasy world and pretend that nothing is wrong. IMO, he will be in for a very rude awakening if you can gather up the fortitude to truly move on.
Sorry, wanted to say in my previous post I do understand, Its nice to go out with a good memory. I guess its just choosing to draw the line in the sand a couple of steps further down the beach than some others would, and thats ok. The important thing is holding yourself to that line where ever you have chosen to draw it.
you arent...you are circling wagons to take care of your children and YOU. He will try to portray you as such when you close some doors.just keep on doing for you. start to leave when he comes to see kids. arrange visitation, please please see a lawyer. start to let him see the world w/o glam
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Well I did it! I let h know that I was drawing the line. He had a confused look on his face. I don't think at first he knew what I was talking about.
I walked him to the door. He gave me a really nice hug and kisses goodbye. I waved goodbye. It will be the last time I walk him to the door. It will be the last time for a lot of things.
I just simply said h I need more for my life than you can offer me. It was sad waving goodbye to my h, he just will never get it.
I will stand my ground. I need a husband not some guy that comes and goes as he pleases.
I am free, but feel lost. You know how hard that was for me to do today? It was the right thing for me to do. I need to be respected and loved. I gave my h all I could give.
I just kept thinking of my wonderul neighbor couple who have a great m and r and I just kept thinking that is what I want for my life. That won't happen with my current situation, so I had to let it all go. Let it go, just like the song my s20 sang for me. I sometimes wonder if he wrote that song for me. He's on fire for God and has his heart and life in the right place.
Now begins the next chapter to my life. Anew2 I will have to be cold and heartless for now or I my h won't get I am serious. I just couldn't take it one more time, watching him drive away.
When you have had enough, it all becomes so clear. I will miss my h, but looking forward to seeing what life has to offer.
I wore my wedding ring all of these past 3 years. I put away now, which it will be sadly missed. It meant so much to me and it was beautiful gift from my h. There will so many things I will miss about my h, I just don't want to think of those now.
Anew2 I remember you said to me once when you really let go, it hurts all over again. Well that hurt is just beginning, but I do want better for my life.
Breath is all I can do for tonight.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hey G, so sorry you are hurting. We never know what the future holds.
You will be feeling so many things in the coming weeks. All the phases of grief. Go through them, one by one and then, when you can, put them away.
Then you will see that you will begin to feel better for an hour, then two then a day and so on. You will have some ups and downs, but slowly, the ups will last longer, the downs less.
You are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman that has so much to offer.
I hope you can really and truly let go. It is a gift you give yourself.
Hang in there, Sweetie. You may not see it now, but the best is yet to be.
