Yes, I am not ready to fully embrace my independence. Kids will be with H this weekend. I have plans but honestly, the whole thing kind of makes me want to crawl in bed with some ice cream and a case of beer.
Had a hard day today and yeah.......I can totally relate to wanting to choose bed, ice cream and any other junk I can get my hands on. Hope you ended up having a better evening and enjoyed some time to yourself to just be You!
Had a nice night up until the fireworks. And then the pain, first time in 9 years not being with my kid (s) on the 4th...so many memories of H and me on the 4th even before kids...
texts from h...more tomorrow.
sad, too much alcohol (for me that's two beers but I'm wiped out).
hard. so hard. just the beginning of all of the moments lost as a family.
I know your pain. I had no kids with me for fireworks, either. The little girls were with my sister, oldest with her friends, and S3 in a car traveling home with DH. I am choosing to consider it a stepping stone across a large river, laying a path to a restoration where these separations will not happen in the future. Naive? Maybe. But God is mighty and I do not know his plan, only that right now, his will is that I stand strong and believe. So I do.
While I was sad about being alone, I remembered all the past years, the joy in my children's eyes as they watched the colorful explosions and the love that filled DH and I watching them enjoy the fireworks. And I thanked God as I watched the fireworks. I thanked Him for being blessed enough to live in a free country where I have liberties and freedoms that others can only dream of. I thanked Him every small blessing in my life that I take for granted, only because they have always been there. And in the thanking, I found peace.
Find your peace, AK.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Had a nice night up until the fireworks. And then the pain, first time in 9 years not being with my kid (s) on the 4th...so many memories of H and me on the 4th even before kids...
texts from h...more tomorrow.
sad, too much alcohol (for me that's two beers but I'm wiped out).
hard. so hard. just the beginning of all of the moments lost as a family.
cr*p.
This is the part I'm most worried about. Why should *I* have to sacrifice holidays and special moments with my little girls because H wanted out?
So far the only thing I've missed is DD's first (and second) time swimming. H has missed much more than that over her 20-month life because of his work schedule. He's worked for the past two 4th of July holidays. He's worked both T-Days, Christmases, New Years Eves, Easter...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
That's the b*tch dmk, in my case my H is used to missing so much, he is actually gaining from the separation. He will never experience the pain of being a mother who up until now was there for every momentous moment. Of course we anticipate eventually being separated from our babes but not when they're so little.
And, the worst part, I think my H derives a sense of power and revenge by being able to take such selfish actions that ultimately cause me so much grief. Yes, I'm mind reading but since he used the words "pay back" with me, I feel sick with the implication that he is out to hurt me.
I know I'll get chided for making assumptions but H has serious mommy issues, I dare say he hates her deep down but he can't get rid of her so that leaves me to work it out on. Just disgusting.
