Can it get any worse?

[Dawn of Hope]

Glam, I am very sorry to hear this, although you did say there was relief in there too. Please look after yourself. I know you tried so hard for so long, and it may not be turning out how you wanted but at least you can be proud of how you conducted yourself in this horrible sitch. Time to move forward in God's grace....

Peace and blessings,
Dawn

[glamgirl]

Thanks for all for the well wishes and encouragement.

I took the kids to the pool today and saw my next door neighbors. The dad asked where is h? I just smiled and didn't respond. S7 says working. Bless his heart. I am so tired of the embarrassment of answering to where is h. Well I won't have to do that anymore.

Neighbor responds that's not right. He should be here with his kids. Gee could somebody tell him that? Oh I forgot wouldn't do any good anyway. He's checked out and has been for a long time. In his mind he's a good father. He wouldn't know what a good father is.

Neighbor dad was there with his family. Very nice family and nice w. He had his shirt off and I was like wow, neighbor w gets that everynight. That is what I miss the most is not having my h to snuggle with at night.

I am relieved that the crap is finally done. I wanted to text h today and say not to come over on the 4th. He already had plans to join us. I thought I will just let it be since the kids are expecting him for fireworks.

I am so looking forward to moving forward. I talked to my sis today. She says I am welcome to come stay with her for awhile. Now that would involve moving out of state.

In Sept I am going to sell everything that I can. I want to be free to move if I choose.

I do feel relief though. No more wondering and waiting and asking my h to come home. I am looking forward to meeting a nice man to share my future with. I am just hoping I am not too old to attract a man. I wasted some good years. This could have been done 3 years ago, but know I had to try to make this work. How stupid could I be to think my h was going to be one of those men to return.

Oh well, I will try not to waste anymore thoughts on this. It is what it is.

[dl443322]

Gee, I hope you arent too old G - that makes me ancient at 50!
Listen, dont consider these years as wasted ones. You did not want to look back and say what if...

You have grown so much and now you absolutely know what you dont want.

The best is yet to be, my friend.

[glamgirl]

Thanks BM. I am actually excited for next weekend. I have some plans without the kids and looking forward to putting the past behind.

You are right, I have walked away knowing that I did my best. It was more than anyone could ask of me.

I was praying today and asking God, why he couldn't have brought my h home. No answer! What does that mean?

I was watering the grass this evening and thinking that maybe my h just didn't want the responsibility of a w and family. Some men don't. I just think he should have thought about that before he m me. It's a little too late for that now.

Oh well, there has got to be some man out there that wants a w and family. Not that I am rushing into another r, but I like being m and having a family. It has always been my dream. Just wished I wouldn't have to find man #3 to make this work.

Geez what does that say about me?

[job]

Glam,
I'm very sorry to hear the news. Your h hasn't grown up and may never do so. You've fought the battle, but in one sense, you did not lose. You learned what you needed to learn, shared w/others and have gotten wiser and stronger along the way. No matter what happens, you are going to be just fine.

I think you are very wise in taking some time for yourself. Have your sale and by the time the sale is over, you will know what you need to do to move forward.

Happy Fourth of July! May your day be a pleasant one.

[iluvme55]

As I sit here reading your post I have tears rolling down my face.....wondering if this will be me in a few years. I also am standing,in my mind and my heart I also fell he will return but when I read your post I thought to myself "I dont think he is never really coming home"
I got the bomb in 10/07 but he started the tunnell in 02/07
He has been there over 2 yrs.and no sign of remorse, you can see his guilt when I do get to see him, just the way his face looks.
Am I going to be another statistic....our family another statistic....I see me get better and better as time goes by...I am sad by what I read I am so sorry he never came back. You have a wonderful son who knows the sacrifices you did for your family, your marriage and he will always remember that.
Maybe you will find someone who truly loves you better I dont want anyone else......I want my husband to be by my side when I take my last breath on this earth, our children, my whole family.. You sound so strong. I pray you have a wonderful life full of happy times..Good Luck
When do we really know when it is time to let them truly go?

[glamgirl]

Thanks Snodderly for posting. You always seem to lift my spirits.

I am a bit anxious today, to see my h. I don't want to come across as cold and uncaring, but I do need to distance my feelings since our lives are going in a different direction now.

I also don't want to have thoughts of hatrid towards my h, since I don't feel that will do me any good for my future.

I will just try to be myself today and put my feelings aside for today and focus on our kids. They are all that matter now.

[job]

Glam,
If your h comes over today, he will be watching you and wondering when you are going to slam dunk him for not wanting to return. Just be yourself...if it will help you, think of him as a neighbor that lives two streets down. I do think he has some very huge regrets for what he's done and doesn't know how to put them into words. He's still a child, a child that's not at the proper age to realize everything he has done. Your children have more on the ball right now than he does. Your oldest son is more mature and level headed than your h is.

I suspect one of the reasons he said he's not coming back and to end things is that it's the easiest way out of the mess he's got going with the love child. He doesn't know how to just sit down and discuss the istuation and cmoe up with a reasonable solution. The only way out is to disconnect and cut the ties with the most important people in his life,...you and the children.

Glam, you are going to be okay. It's going to take a while to find your balance, but you will do it and you will be a survivor.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

[glamgirl]

Irmac thanks so much for your post. It made me cry. This is not what I wanted, but I need closure. When I asked my h the other day about coming home, he said he didn't know if he could ever return. It's been 3 years and if doesn't know the answer to that by now, it was all I needed to hear and move forward for me.

I don't neccessarily see my h as remorseful, he has never said to me he is sorry. He doesn't see anything to be sorry about. When I confronted him most recently about ow, he said what does it matter if he was with her. What does it matter? Hello!!!!! You are a m man with a w and children and that's why it matters. In his eyes he has done nothing wrong. He doesn't get it, meaning what life and m and children and R are all about. He doesn't get it and I am not so sure he ever will. To him he thinks, oh well life goes on. I don't need my family.

This is all so difficult. Irmac you will know in your heart when it's time to move on. It has taken a long time for me, but I finally need to do this for ME.

[glamgirl]

Well I got my usual text from h and says he is too hot to go to the parade this morning. Could have figured that one. He will never put the kids first over his selfishness. Like I said, he will never get it. He doesn't want to do family things or be a part of a family period. His actions say it all. Hence the reason we must proceed forward.

Do we really think he will show at noon either. Oh, it might be too hot for a BBQ too. See how ridiculous his thinking is? I love how he has to text, he can't even call to tell me. What a cowardly way out.

It's all good, less time around him anyway. It's what I expected. He couldn't suprise me with his behavior. Nothing has changed for him for the better, so why would I expect him to be a real man and father. Give me a reason h!