Can it get any worse?

[forward]

Your example with the drugs is interesting.

You did not make that choice and you are aware of possible consequences to behavior that you do not want to involve yourself with.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

And there is another layer: Maybe not wanting people to do drugs is more caring than simply tolerating behavior that is likely to hurt them.

[TRUSTING]

My husband also told me I am judgmental.
This is my take on it. Projection. They are feeling so much guilt over what they have done that they anticipate how we feel about their actions. They know we don't approve, so they blame us for being judgmental.

Many, many Ml'ers are very critical, negative, depressed people. They don't like that about themselves, so they put in on others.

[glamgirl]

Well, what can I say. Our situation has made yet another turn. I had a long talk with h yesterday. In light of all the recent developments and the long 3 years I stood waiting for my h to return we have come to the decision to call it quits.

My h let me know that he couldn't ever return home, so where does that leave us? Don't have much choice but to accept the situation for what it is and move forward.

I gave it my best. I waited a long 3 years for my h to figure it out and I guess what he figured out was that his life is best without the m. Not what I wanted for our m and life, but I will be ok.

What's important is that I accept the situation for what it is. My h changed period. Didn't expect such a wonderful person to fall so far from morals and values from what he was raised, but it just goes to show that even the best of people can wreck havoc on their own lives. If my h had more of a moral compass he wouldn't have found himself in the situation he has, but it's also about having respect for oneself. He didn't have respect for himself, so how could one expect him to have respect for others.

My h didn't respect me, the kids, our m, our relationship. It's easy to point a finger and to place blame on my h, but the situation is what it is. All I can do is move on. I would say learn from the situation, but I stood by my h even though he doesn't see it that way and I did the best I could with my h. I couldn't have asked more of myself.

What are my future plans. To take a much needed vacation, clear out the house of anything I no longer want, and continue to workout and be healthy.

In the beginning, I won't immediately be able to be a friend to my h, that will have to come much later. I will need time to heal through all of this.

I am sad it didn't work, but I am glad to finally have closure.

I am strong and I will get through this. Thanks all for helping me and posting to me and getting me through these difficult years.

Someone once posted to me........woulda coulda shoulda.......for some reason that made so much sense to me today.

[dl443322]

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry it has come to this. You absolutely did all that you could and then some. You can hold your head high and know that you tried your hardest and did your best.

It is hard to imagine that the men we thought we knew - we really didnt know at all.

It's all so hard to get your mind around, isnt it?

You are so strong and honest and true. I know that you will take many life lessons from this.

You will be ok G. I know it.

[Andabelle]

I'm so sorry, Glam. Your attitude is exactly right, though. You will be just fine.

[glamgirl]

Everything will be ok. I know that now. It was a good day yesterday despite this setback. S20 came over to spend time with me and the kids.

He is such an awesome young man. He wrote a song that he sang for me. It was called "let it go". How appropriate. He said mom you just have to let it go. He said mom you did your best and then some. He said you have been so patient and loving, you have nothing to regret.

He also said he was so proud to be my son and that you raised me so well. He said that when he has children he will never ever turn his back on them. He is a wonderful son, more than I could have asked with such an emotional mature mind. He even mentioned many times people say to him you were raised well. That made me so proud. I just did the best with what I had.

All I can do is step back and let h go. He was never mine anyway. He never had the emotional maturity to carry on a m and r the way that I expected.

I was quite suprised though that my h didn't have that maturity. H has great parents that have been together from day one and have raised their children to be good upstanding citizens. All of h's other brothers have turned out well.

I am sure most of the issues that are going on with h are from his childhood. I think he was pressured all of his life to be this great guy that all the family looked up to and respected and he was the one always fixing everyone eles's problems. Well, he snapped and just said enough is enough. I don't want to fix anybody anymore and I don't even want to fix myself. I just want to be whoever and whatever comes my way. Sad, but reality.

This is just another journey along this road of life.

[Upside]

(((glam)))
I am so sorry that things have taken this turn although I am sure it would be a relief for you to finally have some resolution.

I know it is hard to accept the idea of being divorced especially when you have small kids and especially when you have been down that road before. Don't blame yourself for this. There is no way you could have known that something in your H would snap and he would handle things the way he has.

You do sound strong and centered. You can put all of your focus on your kids and yourself now. You have grown so much through out this experience, I have no doubts that wonderful things will be coming your way in the future.


(((HUGS)))

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((((Glam))))).

I am in pretty much exactly the same place you are now. I too have finished my "stand" and am feeling a huge sense of relief......and some sadness too, but only a little.

I have to disagree that you are "judgemental". My absolute biggest turn off is judgemental people. It's a huge thing to me. And you are one of the least judgemental people I have ever "met"! We all have to make judgements for our lives, based on what we believe or have learned, but that is NOT the same as being judgemental. At least not by my definition of that word. Judgemental is somebody who doesn't respect other people's right to choose what they do in their own lives (so long as they are not hurting anybody), and doesn't have compassion for others. You are so far from that it's not even funny! Setting healthy boundaries for your life is not "judgemental"!

I'm really going to try to come down there and visit you one weekend here within the next month or so.......

Hang in there!

[Andabelle]

About being judgemental... I have a friend who is a recovering drug addict. Would I be her friend if she was still using? I honestly don't know. My church is big on 'avoiding the near occasion of sin.' Loving the sinner certainly does not entail participating in sinful activity with them! Your H is full of cr!p on that one.

He's the one with the problem, not you.

[Iwondertooo]

Glam, I must have stopped by here for a purpose tonight. My ex had a baby with the OW long before we were divorced. It really sucks to be in that position. I cried my heart out too. Wonder