Guys, I was a near WAW. H operates from a place of being victimized and denied in our M. However, his behavior was neglectful and hurtful to me and our M. Before you go and blame your WAS for your behavior, think again. Rewriting seems to be contagious.
Yes, some Rs are unhealthy. If both people can see that and work on their parts, there can be evolution in the R.
As for those who have been left behind and do not feel that the M is anything but a piece of paper...do what you please...IMO.
If you are living in your home with someone and are attempting to DB, I think you should keep it in your pants and work on yourselves.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I am stunned at the lengths of time that so many of these relatively young, virile, LBH's have gone without. In both of my marriages, the first lasted 15 yrs, the second, 13 yrs. In neither marriage did we not have sex less than once a week, and obviously a lot more often most of the time.
Uh, Guys? Go forth and do whatever. I'm serious. You are far too young to be at the mercy of a frigid W.
Personally, if you don't care about your marriage anymore, and it won't make you feel bad later on down the line for breaking your marriage vows...even if your spouse has...then knock yourself out, if that's what you want to do! If you still care about your marriage, then don't cheat...even if your spouse has! That's my opinion, and everybody has one! It's been nearly 7 months for me. I'm still married. I still care about my marriage, even if my wife says she doesn't! I'm not gonna do it. That's my choice. If she divorces me...then on down the line, when I'm ready, I'll start dating again.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I am stunned at the lengths of time that so many of these relatively young, virile, LBH's have gone without. In both of my marriages, the first lasted 15 yrs, the second, 13 yrs. In neither marriage did we not have sex less than once a week, and obviously a lot more often most of the time.
Uh, Guys? Go forth and do whatever. I'm serious. You are far too young to be at the mercy of a frigid W.
Wow, frigid W?? I sure thought I was frigid in my M and I'm damn sure I'm not now.
My H had an awful lot to do with our intimacy problems which is what they were.
I think everyone is entitled to do what he/she wishes, obviously. But, what is the point of DB if we are going to blame and oversimplify?
My perspective was that I didn't want to be the caricature of the middle aged divorced guy. Trying to fill a hole with booze, floozies, or any other "excitement." I also needed to be assured that I was comfortable with who I was. The time alone made me do some serious introspection. I learned to like then love myself for who I was, just me. I don't need another person to complete me or make me whole. I am fine the way am. Still growth and mountains to climb but I want to meet these challenges. Yes, my vows mattered to me. I had to look myself in the mirror. I also had to look at my kids and be responsible for my actions. It was my journey to make alone and it mattered to me how I handled it. I did not want to look back and have any regrets about how I acted or reacted over the course of the sitch. Think then take action.
Cheers Coach
ps Smiley I am hardly saintly but I do have some ministries here in this world. Caution for you, beware of booby traps. It's the things you don't see coming that get you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It's the things you don't see coming that get you.