Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

Naej thanks for those kind words. I used to carry around so much anger and hatrid for my h, not sure what I did to not feel that way so much.

I do hate his poor behavior that is for sure. In many ways I actually feel compassion and sorry for my h. He hasn't really experienced what life really is about. He hasn't experienced how to truly love another or in many ways how that feels back.

Praise God that I can feel the love of God and in some small ways I am able to love my h unconditionally regardless of all the destructive things he continues to put me and the kids through.

PH it's a tough one about the boosting of the ego. I have tried to do that for my h in so many different ways, but because I think he in some ways carries anger towards me, he can't see me in the real light. So for him he seeks out others to help to feel needed and to fuel his ego. What he needs to do is find contentment in what he has and not be concerned with helping strangers to the extent that he does. My h doesn't know when to say NO. Then he puts himself in a situation overstepping his boundaries, because he doesn't know what those boundaries are.

No doubt BH that my h is an a$$, but I am trying to separate myself from harboring ill will towards him and to take the road of kindness. I truly believe that one day my h will come to know the truth and will appreciate me for who I am and not an overbearing controlling w.

I truly believed I will be blessed along the way for showing kindness rather than to be mean spirited. Life is too short for harboring anger and unforgiveness in your heart. It doesn't mean you condone their poor behavior, but you don't allow them to affect you day to day.

The biggest lesson I have learned in all of this, is acceptance of who my h is now. I didn't want to accept that for so long, but now I must, because this truly is the man he has become or has really been all along. Acceptance is a better place to be. You accept them and then you step back.

My h and I may never be together as h and w ever again, but I do have children with him and we do need to learn to accept each other as we are.

We turned in all the paperwork for the loan modification we will see where we go from here.

[peacetoday]

you sound good GG
hang in there
peace

[glamgirl]

Not so sure where all of this is going. I wish the past never happened, but the reality is we can't erase the past, so we must find ways to accept our situations for what they are. Regardless of how much pain we carry around inside, we still have to keep on living.

My h thinks I am judgemental. In many ways he could be correct. I hadn't ever put too much thought into it. I looked up the word today and yes I could possibly fit that, but I think it is more of who I choose to be around.

For example, me personally have no tolerance for those who do drugs, so I wouldn't surround myself with friends that do drugs or wouldn't want to put myself in a situation to be around those types of people. I look at it as more of a preferance than judgemental, but my h sees me as passing judgement on others.

Now my h on the other hand will be friends with people of all walks of life. He fully accepts people for who and what they are. I think this is why he struggles with right and wrong. When he accepts them he sees them as not doing anything wrong nor does he see himself doing anything wrong.

I think this is part of my stuggle with h. For example, I saw ow's character from day one and she wasn't anybody I would ever let enter my life. Does that make me judgemental? H saw her as a person that he could help. Not judgemental on my h's part, but not seeing her real character either. This is really what my h doesn't get. I would look at it that my h does not have a good judge of character. He is too sympathetic of others. I think that is a huge fault of my h's or is that a fault?

I am sure my h thinks I am passing judgement on him. Any thoughts?

[Storm Rider]

Hi Glamgirl,

I am friends with people from all walks of life.

I don't like all aspects of many people, but can can usually find enough good points in them to respect and admire at least one part of them. If they have values or do actions I am really against, I try to consider that perhaps they have not yet been able to fix or resolve those areas of themselves yet.

If your H knows her better, maybe she has a or some traits that you have not yet been exposed to. Or maybe he just needs to rescue her and she is a skank, but until you know her better it would be hard to judge completly? You may be one of those people who can size someone up straight away too - my H can do that.

Just some thoughts for you.

[glamgirl]

You may be one of those people who can size someone up straight away too. Stormrider that is me completely. I have been this way all my life. Helps me well on the job.

Doesn't mean I don't have compassion, I just make it my choice not to surround myself with certain people. Could be that my heart was hardened with my first m, my exh was all about drugs and alcohol. I chose not to make that part of life ever again.

Thanks for posting stormrider.

[glamgirl]

It's interesting though as I put more thoughts into this. On many occassions my h would put a dig into a neighbor or a friend of mine, is my h being judgemental? I think so. Interesting, he can be judemental with those that really are good people, but not with people he shouldn't really be wasting his time with.

What does that say about my h?

[Storm Rider]

Was thinking of one guy at a place I worked a few years ago. Looked like he was from ZZ top with the beard, dressed in black, rode a motorbike, rumoured to have certain types of "friends".

Was great at his job, loved nature and knew heaps about that, I was happy to eat lunch with him at the same table in the lunch room, we got on really well (but I do have a very different dress sense!). I respected those things about him.

But, no, I would not hang with him outside work!

[glamgirl]

I am thinking of shopping for a new swim suit today. It's going to be a hot weekend. I am thinking of taking the kids to the pool all weekend.

H said he would be over on saturday. There is a parade we are planning on goin to. H said he would let me know if he could make it over that early. I said you will be here at 9am and I left it at that. Last year he did not show until hours later.

I am a bit sad today, thinking how all of this could be happening. Not really sure what life lessons God is trying to teach me. What could I possibly learn?

My h at one point has such well respected friends. I wonder what they would think of him now. I guess that's why he doesn't surround himself with those type men anymore, because they would have NO respect for him. How could he be proud of who he is and who he became? Baffles me that he would want this for his life.

[brandnewday]

One of my Husband's biggest complaints aboutme during MLC was that I was too judgemental. It was one of the things I truly had to work on and continually pray about.

After alot of prayer, and changes I guess it comes down to this.

I have a moral compass.
I have righteous indignation.
I have integrity.

I guess it is all about the way we exhibit it. I know it is not my place to tell other people how to live their lives. That it is wrong for me to look down my nose at other people and treat them poorly or think I am better then they are.

Perhaps the best way is to treat everyone lovingly and kindly, only keeping some at a safe distance.

[glamgirl]

BND thanks for that post. Helped me realize that I am not alone in my thinking.

I have a moral compass.
I have righteous indignation.
I have integrity.

I like what you said above that sums it up for me. I like the moral compass the most. That really says it all.

I don't think I outwardly express my discontent with others except on here about my h and ow, but who could blame me. I am in the middle of an absurd situation. Not one that I asked to be in the middle of. This was not my choice.

I have many strangers that just come up to me and start telling me about their life. I don't push them away, I listen attentively and am compassionate, but that is as far as it goes, I don't take them in or give out my information, that is where my h and I differ. He didn't have to get himself involved with ow.

At this point I am sure my h doesn't even know. I remember a long time ago like 3 years ago, me asking why and he said something like he didn't know if he could answer that. MLC land.