H is having the state send paperwork. So he is taking the next step. I am processing this the best I can. I don't think this ow can come after me, but then she already has because this affects me emotionally and financially. Something my h will never get. He will never understand how this whole situation affects me emotionally. For him it's I can't change the past it's done. Which is correct, but show some remorse, have a heart, look at what you've done. He won't though because if it's not this skank another will come along. He just isn't happy with just me and the kids. Always searching for better but in the case of ow he hit the bottom.
Working with loan modification, if it doesn't come back favorable going to probably let the house go. I am ok with that too. It will be a burden lifted and lost memories on a house that h and I never shared. H says Glam just get a 3bdr place close by. I say h you going to join me and the kids, h says I don't think I can. Translate NO! Not that I am thinking of reconciling, not sure if there is much to reconcile.
H doesn't get what life is all about. Doesn't understand what love is all about. Doesn't understand what it is to respect a friend, or even how to have a R with others. He really doesn't stop to think how his actions affect others and how they are going to affect them years from now. He just doesn't get it, but then he is too busy running around pleasing others, making himself look good. He loves getting his ego boosted. I am sure that is what ow offered him rather than a realistic approach that he is just a darn f'ing a$$.
Really now did he give a flying rats a$$ about providing for his kids or helping me pay the mortgage the last 3 years. No he was too busy running around getting his ego stroked among other things. He just doesn't get it nor will he ever.
The part I don't get is he runs around here talking to all the neighbors like he is some great guy, but he can't even live with his family nor provide for them. What kind of a guy is he really. Seriously, what are his good qualities? He says he is a good father. Is he a good role model? Would a good role model be f'ing ow behind his wifes back? Not providing for his kids and living elsewhere? Really what is he basing his being a good father on? I would beg to differ.
I have lots to think about. This won't be going on much longer. I will need to make some plans soon for my future.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
((((((glam)))))) Take care of yourself.... it sounds like that's what you are doing, just want to make sure! You can't use the words "thinking" and "h" in the same sentence, in his case. Unless the word "not" is in there, too! Someday, I think he will see the absurdity of what he has said and done. Whether he ever admits it to anyone else is another question entirely. Pride it a powerful thing.
Just caught up with your post. I am sorry you are going through this. Not surprising though with the MLC person.
What he is doing is typical casebook MLC.
You know that.
In the end, it will be your decision on how much you will tolerate and how much you will not.
I think you are doing a great job.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Glam, just popped by to see how things are. I have a hard time understanding ANY of your H's thinking / mentality. It must make you want to laugh or cry? It is so pathetic as to be absurd. Did he ever get the marriage commitment thing. You are such a strong person and I know you will get through this,I think your H knows this too,so maybe thats why he doesn't feel the need to try and make it right or recommit to you. It is almost like yep Glams my wife and always will be,she can cope with anything I do and is always there for me as and when I need her. As he doesn't suport you or the kids financially I guess if he has to pay child maintenance(not sure what you call it) it wont affect you,at least not financially. Hopefully things will work out with the house, but a move might be just the thing for you and your family. Take care.
Naej I love how you put that pathetic as to be absurd. That says it all. I don't understand his thinking mentality either.
You are so right Naej at some points I want to break down and cry and on others shaking my head and laughing thinking you really didn't just say that did you.
I just see him out in La La land. I really don't see him to break down and cry and say how sorry he really is. To him he sees himself as doing no wrong or when he is questioned on it goes to the blaming me or I can't change the past. Like that makes it all ok. It's NOT ok what he did. That is the part he doesn't get. You don't cheat and lie to people you care about for your own personal gain and that is exactly what it was. For his OWN personal gain. Not giving a crap how his actions hurt others. Obviously he is not senstive to how others feel. Just put himself in machine mode and destroy all those his life touches.
It would be nice if my h had some emotions. Not really sure if he ever knew how to process his feelings other than in a hurtful destructive way. If he could communicate how he is feeling and open up that would be a starter, but the light bulb just doesn't click for him.
I also don't know how he strayed so far away from his morals and how he was raised. He came from good stock and has an absolutely wonderful family and good brothers with morals and values. I am sure his family is ashamed of his behavior, but h continues to act badly, so obviously he could care less how he is viewed by his family or he would change. He doesn't care how I view him either or he would change. This is really about the selfish person that he is inside right now.
I don't really care one way or another about the house. The only reason I would care is I wouldn't have to move. I don't like moving and packing up and it's a good safe neighborhood.
I don't have to make any decisions today, I just have to live.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I can't help but feel sorry for this poor child if we find out that h is the father. Not only is it's role model for a mother a heroin and meth addict, but it's father is a cheat, lier, and absent. How could this poor child have a start in life?
It's almost as if you are scarred at birth. I look at my own 3 wonderful children and how I have gave them the best that I could. Loved them to the fullest and have kept them sheltered from all the bad in the world. Protected them.
I am sad just thinking about how my h and I just don't have the same views in life in regards to m, family and committment. Family is number one.
My regret is that I wish I could have identified this before I m my h. He was from such a great family and we seemed to share the same ideals in the beginning. Then h got lost and seems to have strayed from what really is important in life. Not so sure he ever knew or ever will.
Maybe he would think differently if the shoe were on the other foot. I am sure though my h would seek out the best in others rather than identifying them as this is someone I don't care to invest my time into. He doesn't need to fix everyone or help them. It's not his job. This will always be one of my h's downfalls. If he understood that he could focus on himself and his family and not on bringing unneccessary people into his life that take time away from what is important.
Like helping others with resumes, writing business plans, relationship issues the list goes on and on. He does it because it boosts his ego. He can walk away and they are always so appreciative of him and praise him up and down. If my h could identify within himself that he doesn't need that from others and strangers to feel good about himself. I do believe this is a huge part of what my h is going through, but he has to identify for himself that helping others is not his job and that focusing on his family, his m, and his r with me is what his job is when you choose to committ to m.
Oh well, just my thoughts......
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Yes Glam, it is a mystery,especially this being Mr Helpful,nice guy to those in need of his help. It just doesn't extend to his own flesh and blood or you? thats what I can't understand, he must have feelings otherwise why would he bother to help anyone. Best just to let him get on with it and not try to understand otherwise you will end up crazy. It has never ceased to amaze me when reading the posts on this BB for so many years how so many of these men are ministers or pasters in the church and yet they cheat and lie on their own families. I guess God just shakes his head. As ever one day at a time, make plans for your future and those children of yours,at least they have you. I grieve for that poor child with a mother like she/he has and possibly your H for a Dad. What chance or hope has she/he got. Nothing you can do but do what you have been doing all these years, taking care of things. I am amazed by your patience and how H has come and gone and you show him nothing but love and kindness. I haven't much of a temper but I am sure I would have thrown the nearest thing to hand at him on more than one occassion. There must be something better coming for you and your kids. Take care.
Glam, Is there a way to boost your H's ego at home so he doesn't try to do things elsewhere to boost it? Not saying this is a permanent solution. Could be a temporary one to help him stop and appreciate his family more. Of course, in the long-term, he needs to get his issues resolved - i.e. the reason for this ened to boost his ego.
Glam, I admire what you say about the child, not too many people would care about that regarding the circumstances. Understand this, my sister died of a drug O.D. and I have raised them as my own kids for nearly 6 years after my XW left us all..... Regardless of what people think of me, I have a big heart and I will do what is right! Your H is an ASS and will not be good for you or your kids, find someone who will be! There are people out there who will be!
