did feel some peace yesterday knowing that my h really didn't know anything about this. I also felt at peace knowing that ow is not with my h and maybe hasn't been to the degree that I have assumed over these past years. That may sound strange but it brings somewhat of peace over my thoughts right now.
Glam, I do understand that right now your world is spinning and you are probably thinking a million different thoughts.
But please don't tell me that you truly believe this Man is telling the truth to you.
They tell you what it is you want to hear. But it is rarely the truth.
I know you want to believe him but please don't let your guard down.
Once you get the DNA results then you can make a decision as to your future with him.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Glam, go with your gut in this, give your H the benefit of the doubt until you know, but go with your gut feelings and do what you must to protect yourself and your kids until you know for sure.
Trust me I am not naieve here. I am not letting my guard down or believing everything my h is saying. What I am saying is reality has set in. Now the situation is what it is. I cannot change whatever the results are. I can only accept them. Doesn't mean I have to accept my h and put up with this poor judgment. All I can do is accept the situation as it unfolds.
Could be postive or negative for the test. Either way not MY issue. I didn't create this nor is it my job to mop this mess up. I can only allow my h to handle this the way he wants to.
I had my meltdown over the weekend, but stepping back from the situation I can see more clearly now. I could sit here and be angry, judgemental, and be fueled by hate but not where I want to be in life.
I just need to focus on what I can control. I can control what and who is in my future. Not sure if that will include my h. I let him know today decisions will be made for us in the near future. I am ok letting my h go, he is not what I want in a husband right now anyway. Yes, we have come a long way and this was yet another set-back, but in the whole grand scheme of things life is very short. I have waited patiently for my h and loved him unconditionally, but time changes how you feel about someone. Doesn't mean I don't love my h, but I have come to realize he probably wasn't going to return anyway. Doesn't want to make that committment to me and the kids. If he needs more than 3 years then I am not that worth it to him.
If the test is positive, what does that say about my h, about ow, about the lack of respect for me and our children from h. He will only find some way to twist the situation to his favor. Like I was not a good wife etc., instead of addressing himself and his poor behavior. He will find some way to blame me.
It's ok. I am ok. I will make it through regardless. I love my h, but now it's time for him to show me if he really loves me and is he ready to really make a committment. Our future has already been decided. We both know where our lives are headed.
I am not afraid anymore of whatever comes my way. God gave me the strength to deal with the news that was so abruptly bestowed upon me over the weekend. I feel I can handle anything. Yes I am praying for a negative, but reality tells me that is probably not going to happen, so I have to prepare my mind in advance.
Not sure if any of this makes sense, but regardless of the outcome I also had to face that my h probably is never coming home and I have to make decisions for where my life needs to go too.
I am proud of myself. I stood firm and made a decision in the best interest of myself and our kids. I have a peace and calm over my mind now. Praise God for allowing me to see another perspective on this situation.
I just prayed and prayed and today God has shown me I can either worry about the results or live my life to the fullest regardless, because in the whole grand scheme of life I can't change those results. I will have to live with whatever the outcome is.
Thanks to all for posting and praying. All your prayers and posts helped me through this most difficult time in my life.
Trust me I want the results to be negative, but I am a realist too.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, that was a nice post! I think you have a very good perspective on this whole situation! You said it all when you said that you couldn't control the outcome of the test, only your life. I'm not telling you what to do about H either way, but I also think you are right about what you said about him too.
G, try to remember what a wonderful person you are - with such compassion and honesty and strength.
Trust that God's will will unfold and provide you with the answers you need.
In the meantime, please remember to take care of yourself. You are going to need a lot of strength in the weeks and months ahead regardless of the outcome.
This is your h's problem to own. You cant change it or fix it.
glam- You sound pretty grounded for someone who just had a huge bomb dropped on them. Keep doing what you're doing to get you through. You should be very proud of yourself.
Thanks BH, BM, and Upside. I can't say that I am not bothered by what is happening and not so sure my h is going to follow through with contacting the state etc.
It bothers me tremendously that my h could possibly be involved with this skank in this way, but what can I do to change the outcome. Nothing!
I thought about this long and hard and realized it's best to try not think about it and continue on with my life as usual, since what can I do anyway.
My h continues to act like I am his wife and that he loves me so, but not sure where our future is headed. I can't even get him to spend the night not even once, but who cares. Do I really want him spending the night once in a while anyway. NO, I want him to committ or forget it.
Last edited by glamgirl; 06/30/0905:42 AM.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Won't your H have to follow up with the state since they will be deducting child support from future paychecks? If he doesn't try to fight it, wouldn't that be an admission of something?
Does your H just act like the whole thing (the letter) didn't even happen or is he talking to you about it?
Are you sure that is healthy for you to continue on and not think about it? I know you probably need time to process it but I would think it would be in your best interest to deal with it in whatever ways you need to. Is there anyway that this woman could come after you for the child support since you and your H are married?
