Can it get any worse?

[dl443322]

Sweetie, listen, this is huge, huge news. You are going to feel a million different emotions and thats ok. Do you hear me? Its ok. You are not made of stone.

So, cry, scream, punch a pillow, hug your children, go for a walk, pray. Do what you must. This is not going to be easy for a long time. Dont start saying to yourself that you have to be strong this minute. Take it hour by hour, if you must.

Do not worry about what you are going to do when you see your h. Do not worry at all about how to act. Do what is best for YOU. Who cares if he shows up when he says he will?

Stop worrying about him. Worry about G and about your kids. That's it. This is his problem, his responsibility, G, for goodness sakes, let HIM own it.

Now, breathe. Dont try to figure this all out right now. Stop wondering why he couldnt be honest. He couldnt because he is broken. Does it really matter anyway? It doesnt change the outcome.

G, you will get through this. You will. I know it. Try to get some rest when you can, eat when you can - even if its just crakers, keep yourself busy and pray. Thats all you can do for now. And thats ok. Be kind to yourself and remember that we care.

[Between Tears]

Glam,

Do what you have to in order to survive this mess, and as BeingMe said, don't worry about your H, or his feelings, or how the next time will be when he is in your presence. Your focus needs to be on you and your children now.

To put it bluntly, he wasn't too worried about how you feel, so don't worry about how he feels... do what is right for you.

Now is the time to look for those baby steps that you will eventually make in order to walk through the pain and into your brighter tomorrows. Take small steps, without ignoring your feelings or yourself for that matter. You, indeed have a great deal in front of you. However, you have to know you will survive, you will adjust, you will find peace again one day.

Don't rush into things, take your time. When you find yourself swirling within negative thoughts, stop yourself for a moment to count your blessings... for once you begin, you will see things don't look as bleak as they did before you began to look.

One moment at a time, one small step at a time.... you will break through this, and find happier times ahead.

[glamgirl]

Turning it over to God. That is all I can do.

Suprisingly h showed today. He was in a good mood. I was silent. He said what's going on. I said did you contact the state he said I tried, but nobody got back to him.

I said I was able to find out that it was ow. He said oh. I asked him a few questions. It seemed like he was telling the truth.

He said I have not seen ow in over a year. I know nothing about a pg. She hasn't contacted me about it nor have I seen her pg. I never lived with her nor do I have a child with her. He seemed pretty matter of fact and was suprised that she was listed him as the father.

He said Glam I will fight to clear my name. He said he wasn't going to contact her and said he has no idea about her contact info or where she lives and will let the state handle this.

So that is his story for now. Then he mentioned something about me cheating. Not sure what that was about, but whatever. I have never cheated on my h.

I would not be suprised if ow just named my h for the sake of naming a father. Doesn't mean anything until a paternity test is done. I need to not speculate either way. She is a piece of work so none of this suprises me.

I only wish h could see her true colors, but he only said people are people and he only sees the person not their faults. Ok, but she lacks character.

This is h's deal. I am bowing out of it and letting him handle it.

That is right one step at a time, one day at a time. He did mention something about our focus needs to be on the kids and not allowing our issues to affect them. He stayed for awhile to spend time with the kids and then said see you tomorrow.

I was mostly silent. Not feeling the greatest anyway. So here I am jumping to all the conclusions. Doesn't mean h didn't father her child, but it's not my deal nor do I have any control. I can only hope and pray for a positive outcome regardless of what happens.

[glamgirl]

Thanks all for posting and praying for me. I survived today and tommorrow will put the focus back on the kids and my life and not worry that ow has this charge against my h. It could prove to be false and if not then I will cross that bridge when I need to.

[Andabelle]

Could you maybe ask him to pursue a paternity test ASAP?

[naej]

Hi Glam, glad that you are sounding better.
Strange your H said "he only sees the person not their faults" given that you said how critical he was of people.

Yes you are right this is not your problem and must move on from it until the truth comes out.
From what you have been through already maybe if the child is his then this would not be a deal breaker? so for now its back to one foot in front of the other.

You would think that if he is sure the child isn't his then he would be angrier that she has named him and would do all he could to clear his name especially knowing the impact it had on you and his financial situation? I guess that would require some effort on his part.

Take care Glam and I would certainly take steps to protect yourself.

[braveheart]

Glam, if you want to give your H the benefit of the doubt, I can respect that, in fact, I think that's a nice thing to do. I would INSIST that he take a paternity test TODAY! If he wants to fight to clear his name, he should be all for it! If it comes back negative, much ado about nothing. If it comes back positive, well Glam, I really think you should move on, because I just don't see you getting past this one, and I'm not saying you should, this is a tough one, on top of that your H has acted like a pure moron, anyway, that's my 2 cents. Sorry for your pain.

[job]

Glam,
I'm glad you spoke to your h about the situation and I think you are doing the right thing by stepping back and allowing him to deal w/the matter. However, a test needs to be done in order to not only clear his name, but also as a trust issue for you. He may not have been with her in the last year, but who is to say she didn't end up pregnant at the end of their time together?

Glam, why in the world would he even mention you cheating on him? Once again, projecting and trying to deflect his own guilt for what he's done to you and the children. He should the ashamed of himself.

Glam, I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that the outcome will be in your favor and your h isn't the father. I pray that he comes to his senses and realizes what he stands to lose if this child is his.

Please take care of yourself.

[glamgirl]

At this time my h is trying to get in touch with the state and he is pursuing a paternity test. It's not like he has ever had to do this before, so he will have to figure out what and how to do that.

At this time I can't even think about my future with h. I have to turn that one over to God. In all of this, I was thinking that my h knew he had a kid, trying to keep that a secret from me. It does seem like that is not the case.

As far as anger, I have not seen my h angry with people with the exception of myself, but that could be a defense mechanism to keep his distance with me or part of this whole mlc.

My h is more of wait and see type of guy. He doesn't want to make assumptions before he knows the facts. I am more of the jump to conclusions without having all the facts.

My h is handling this very calmly and wants to get to the bottom of this, so he is taking action. He is finding out from the state next steps. At least this did not push him more into depression, he seemed fine yesterday with all that we have been through.

At this time, I just need to step back from all the issues and focus on what is important to me and in the best interest of our children. Doesn't mean I believe my h is innocent, it's just that we don't know what the outcome is at this time and I can't assume or not assume it's h's child at this time. If it's not, then I wasted a lot of time on nothing. If it is, then I will need to cross that bridge. It's like I can't cross the bridge without having all the facts.

I did feel some peace yesterday knowing that my h really didn't know anything about this. I also felt at peace knowing that ow is not with my h and maybe hasn't been to the degree that I have assumed over these past years. That may sound strange but it brings somewhat of peace over my thoughts right now.

Thanks for all the postings and prayers. I can only ask God's help with this one and believe me I have been praying heavily for strength and direction as to what to do with whatever the outcome is.

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I am glad you are feeling a little relief and I hope that your H does what it takes to put your mind at ease. That being said, you might want to consider preparing yourself for the worst just in case.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

(((HUGS)))