*Bring something home from the get-a-away so there is diversion/distraction when you walk in the door the first time. Something that needs to be eaten quickly, a puppy or kitten, a bird or turtle, something to plug in and do immediately ~~~ ease them into the space with a distraction.
If you don't already have a pet in your home SP, and are open to the idea, I think a new puppy or kitten is a great idea.
Hmmm. Seems to me as a child I would have been thrilled to trade one angry parent for an air hockey table!
Or a puppy!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
How'd it work for us? Most of you have read my sitch already this already but this is how it worked for us:
1. Kids were aware of changes. We showed them my house, their room, nearby park, and let them get used to idea. "It's your place too." W has work to do to get kids settled and Smiley has work to let them "fill the space". Let them paint a room, set up a skateboard ramp in the living room or whatever.
2. Kids were away for moving day - in our case for a few weeks. They didn't need to see furniture moving. It would have only added more drama. It gave W and I time to connect and sort out (both items and feelings).
3. Take some occasional down time or rest throughout the day. It's surprising how emotional things can feel when you're packing up stuff. Take a break when you need it.
4. Bring some friends over. Friends want to help and they will provide you support.
5. Be nice. She's suffering too. This is your chance to leave on a good note. What you do here will be remembered forever.
6. DB your butt off! Keep it upbeat.
7. Spend some friendly alone time with her. Pour a glass kick your feet up.
8. Tell her the "Door is always open".
--
Buying the kids a puppy? Just make sure you know what you're getting into. Pets shouldn't be an impulse purchase. I already had an eccentric older dog.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/24/0906:15 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
@AlexEN: I was separated "that way" from 13 Feb to, well, Friday.
It's all a management issue. If you can manage being in the same house, it's...well...manageable. But when things are tense it's a bear.
-----
I'm floating with the tide into dangerous waters. I'm not being Differentiated today I'm afraid. In other words, I'm not deciding to control my emotions. It's odd, the things you don't notice, and when you do -- pow!
I was dropping D6 off at day-camp this morning, and she was all hinky and uncertain -- not at all like her normal self. I watched S9 find a place for carpet time at his day-camp, and it was the same thing. And I thought -- and then the thought passed -- why are they acting so weird?
Then, 20 minutes ago, I'm eating a sandwich and DUH.
They're putting on brave little faces for WAW. But they're not so brave, and they're not so tough, and they're hurting.
And frankly, that pisses me off like m*thaf*cka. And my Non-Differentiated Self wants to make WAW pay for that. I know I shouldn't. I know that, in the moment, I can't.
They must be completely disillusioned. They are learning that they can't count on what they thought they could count on. Reading your post fills me with sadness and rage. I am so very sorry for them and for all of the babes. It is just not right.
@AlexEN: I was separated "that way" from 13 Feb to, well, Friday.
It's all a management issue. If you can manage being in the same house, it's...well...manageable. But when things are tense it's a bear.
-----
I'm floating with the tide into dangerous waters. I'm not being Differentiated today I'm afraid. In other words, I'm not deciding to control my emotions. It's odd, the things you don't notice, and when you do -- pow!
I was dropping D6 off at day-camp this morning, and she was all hinky and uncertain -- not at all like her normal self. I watched S9 find a place for carpet time at his day-camp, and it was the same thing. And I thought -- and then the thought passed -- why are they acting so weird?
Then, 20 minutes ago, I'm eating a sandwich and DUH.
They're putting on brave little faces for WAW. But they're not so brave, and they're not so tough, and they're hurting.
And frankly, that pisses me off like m*thaf*cka. And my Non-Differentiated Self wants to make WAW pay for that. I know I shouldn't. I know that, in the moment, I can't.
But dam how I want to.
I hear you; even if she can't hurt you anymore, how dare she or anyone else f*ck with the kids' heads... It's hard not to be angry about that even if you accept that WAS believes what she believes.
This part is SO much harder coming to grips with than the M being over...
And a piece of it that pi$$es me off is that W has always overpromised to them (and this, I'm sorry if I'm being judgmental, is unlikely to be any different) and so, in our dance of life, I always had to reset their expectations back in the middle... and hence end up being the bad guy.
That's a dance that can't be danced in this, their biggest heartache of all. So, for me, the target will, unfortunately, have to include letting her over-promise and under-deliver without protecting her from the long-term consequences of letting her do so... because I will be there for them with what's Real as that's the Walk I choose...
SP, I have to remind myself that as painful as it is to think about and watch what these events will do to our kids, that, as my C once said to me, there will be a right side and a wrong side of history and your actions today will determine which one it will be.
-AlexEN
Last edited by AlexEN; 06/24/0908:17 PM.
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
And frankly, that pisses me off like m*thaf*cka. And my Non-Differentiated Self wants to make WAW pay for that. I know I shouldn't. I know that, in the moment, I can't.
But dam how I want to.
Let it out somewhere safe. You have a lot of stress right now, keep busy and take care of yourself. The ROE say you can't take out WAS. Just handle it the best your can right now.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
