Sandi, I dont have much time to type. I stayed up ALL NIGHT talking and playing video games (lol) with a good friend of mine. I am just a BIG kid.lol I have to go to work today too. I am going to be killed! Anyway I read your post and I will post tonight if I dont fall over after work.
Update... Well tonight after leaving work it happened. I finally came face to face, well almost, (car to car at least), with my xh and his new gf. I was pulling into a street and they were pulling out, My xh, (from the passanger seat), rolled down his window and almost broke his neck looking back at me. I am not kidding, he stuck his head half way out the window to look back at me. I cant believe he did this in front of his gf. I bet he paid for that. Anyway this was the first time in 3 months or so that I have seen him. Why do you think he had this reaction? Surprised me. I did have a woman in the passenger seat. So maybe he was being nosey. BUT in front of gf????
Hummmmm.......never know what may be going through their minds, but try not to place too much emphasis on what he did. Do you think he knew the lady who was riding in the car with you? Maybe he was trying to see who she was. I would think he was being more nosey than anything else, but the fact you have not seen him in that length of time is very good b/c the longer he goes without actually seeing you.....the more interesting it may become when he does lay eyes on you. So, how did you react? Did you wave or anything? I hope you looked really so great it hurt his eyes! (lol)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No Sandi I did not wave or anything. As I pulled in I looked at the vehicle in passing. She was driving but the windows were tinted so dark you couldnt even see her. I didnt see him until I was passed them and just kinda glanced back. Thats when my passenger said, did you see that he stuck his head half out of the window. She also said he had a mean look. So who knows. The only thing that bothers me is what if he was sticking his head out to be like bad or something. You know kinda like "yea you better go on". She could of told him I looked at her the wrong way in passing, who knows. I didnt though I couldnt see her AND I really didnt know it was them until I passed and saw the licensed plate. See it wasnt that I just passed them, after I turned into the road they were pulling out from, I had to turn behind them onto another road (hope I didnt confuse you), so I was at an angle when I glanced back after turning. I would not even think twice about it if he hadnt stuck his head out. Now I am worried that his gf made have told him I "looked" at her the wrong way. And that matters because I dont need him running to the court house to get a protection order AGAIN. They gave him one last time because he complained I called too much so who knows, they may give him one again. I may be thinking too much into it. It may be just him being nosey. She could tell him anything though and make him believe it I'm afraid. I wish so much I could just pass, wave and go on, be done with it. I hate that I have to dodge them, and I feel like I do. Sandi, would you have waved? What sould I have done? What should I do if I pass them again or run into them and he sticks out his head in protection mode (so to speak)?
b/c the longer he goes without actually seeing you.....the more interesting it may become when he does lay eyes on you.
Have you seen or heard this happen? Interesting in what way you think? Thank you again Sandi, (Mom)
Renee, I wouldn't think nor put one thing into what happened. If he was being nosey, what of it? Its not going to change a thing. Move forward and act as though he doesn't exist.
Sandi, would you have waved? What sould I have done? What should I do if I pass them again or run into them and he sticks out his head in protection mode (so to speak)?
Not sure what you mean by sticking out his head in protection mode. Maybe it's one of those things where I had to be there and see it? I think the best way is to ignore him and although it is not your nature, you probably need to look the other way so he won't think you're "stalking him" or that you are even a bit interested in what he does.
If that had happen to me, I would have been talking and laughing with my passenger and acted as if he was the very last thing on my mind. No, I would not have waved....even if I had looked right at him. The point is to have your life so full with other people and other things going on until it doesn't "register" in your mind to thow your hand up and wave to him. Especially since the R is like it is presently. Someday, your confidence will be stronger and you can treat him like the stranger he's become, but at this point, don't even worry or think twice "if" you should have waved or not.
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b/c the longer he goes without actually seeing you.....the more interesting it may become when he does lay eyes on you.
What I am referring to here is the "dropping the rope" and moving on with your life. You must remember that this all takes time for him to get his head out of the fog and his focus off the OW long enough to see daylight! He's not going to realize anything for a long time b/c of the condition he is in. However, the longer he goes without seeing you, the much better it is. I say that b/c of more than one reason. First, it give "time" to do a bit of healing and for him go get over some of his anger issues he has with you. Although, if the OW is constantly feeding him a bunch of BS, then it will take him even longer than the norm. Secondly, after he's had some time for the anger to die down, then hopefully, he will begin to miss you. Again, not knowing this OW and how she opperates....it's hard to speculate about some things, so bear that in mind. Having "time" to do work in healing some anger problems and even some levels of the MLC, and having time to miss you....then when he "does" run into you for a second or maybe a few minutes......seeing you will hopefully bring back all the "right" emotions he should have for you in his heart and not the negative one.
Yes, this does happen or I would not tell you that. However, I keep stressing how it takes much, much "time" and even though it seems like an eternity to you, it has not been a drop in the bucket for him. If he reacted in a negative way by getting a glimpse of you in the car......then he is not ready to see you at all and not for a long time, yet.
It's not that I am trying to discourage you, sweetheart, but neither do I want you to be set up for disappointment, either. Remember, it takes some people as long as five years to pull out of MLC. He may marry this OW in that length of time. He could do any number of things. A lot depends on how much influence she has over him.
That is just another reason why you can't wait in the wings, holding your breath, hoping against hope that he will wake up tomorrow and come knocking on your door asking to forgive him and take him back. It won't be tomorrow. It may be three to five years from now, but who knows what kind of mess he may be in by then? You can't put your life in the deep freeze trying to wait to see what he does. Besides, if you are worried that he may get another court order against you........then I suggest you stay as far away from him as you can. You probably said, and I can't remember, but does your family live there or is there any reason why you could not move to a near by town? Not to suggest he run you out of town, but who needs that kind of treatment and a threat of another court order by just passing him in a car? Just a thought.
What all did you do over the weekend?
Talk to you later, Sandi
Have you seen or heard this happen? Interesting in what way you think? Thank you again Sandi, (Mom)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
update... I hope someone is on here because I am at the end of my rope and dont know what else to do. Here is what happened today. Keep this in mind while reading. Anytime my son and I have an argument of any kind basically he calls his dad and complains how terrible I am. He wants his dad to take his sid.
Today I had an argument with my son. He doesnt work, he has slacked off on SOME of the stuff I ask him to do around the house. He basically sits in his room on the internet and races nascar ALL day or night and sleeps the rest. He talks to his dad alot everyday but doesnt spend time with him but every now and then. (I think his Dad likes it this way). Anyway I told him I am done, the internet goes off. Keep in mine also that my son just turned 19. Well I tried to unhook the internet modem and he basically got in front of me and blocked me and wouldnt let me do it. He kept saying he was sorry. I had made up my mind. He is stronger than me so there was kinda a pushing match at one point. AND at one point during the argument he drew back and ACTED like he was going to hit me. I stood my ground and let him have it verbally, I tried the calm thing, didnt work. He said he was sorry and he never would ever hit me, he tries to bluff. During all this taking place he was talking to his dad on Nextel 2-way (walkie talkie kinda for those who dont know). NOW this is where it gets interesting. His dad told his son to "just get away from me" "that he NEVER would understand us people over here" "that NOT to put him (dad) in the middle". Basically he stands behind son. My son of course is trying to make it seem like I am crazy, that his dad doesnt know what he goes through living in this house. (believe me when I say, he has it made, he doesnt do anything more than what I said, other than pick up the house every now and then...which is good...but in no way does he have it rough). The point I am trying to get across and get advice on is... First of all, NOW this just validates the reason why my xh left. I KNOW this is probably the main reason. Our son has been spoiled and it is BOTH our faults. BUT now that xh is out of the house he thinks he doesnt have to deal with it. Should he??? I think he should, even though son is 19, he is living with me and he is disrespectful to me. Doesnt cuss me, but talks to me loudly and awful. (and where would he get that. hmmmmm). I have told son he is going to live with his DAD, no choice on the matter! Even if for a short time. Until son gets a job and gets out on his own, or if he works, he can stay here WHILE helping me out. BUT he has to have a job and help around the house. When I said this he got on the phone with dad and said tell her you are getting me a job, of course dad says yep. His dad has said this and said this, I dont believe nothing he says anymore. I made son let me have the phone and told xh that son disrespects me and puts his finger in my face and he needs to talk to son about it. What did xh tell me???? Well...he said "Give my son his phone back, I pay for that phone, DO NOT grab it out of his hand again"...in front of son he said this. I am at the end of my rope, I dont know what to do. How in the world can I stay away from xh and let me go through MLC or whatever he is doing, when everytime my son and I argue, he gets on the phone to his dad and complains about me. Like I said this is probably the main reason my xh left and when son does this, it just validates why he left. If xh would just only say to out son to NOT disrespect me and back me up. Xh told son "I dont know if you can live with me or not" and why would he let him, when he is running from me and son to begin with? XH doesnt want to have to deal with what I am dealing with. I can NOT physically remove my son and I dont want to have to call the law to help remove him to xh's. I love son and just wish he would grow up. I know this is OUR fault, but I ALONE am now paying for it. XH is off in his own little world and doesnt want to be bothered.
Sandi, I dont have family much, but my aunt lives here in town. My mom is deceased and my dad lives in Ohio. My xh is NEVER going to be left alone to deal with his own problems because son keeps calling him when something is wrong. My xh is ALWAYS going to think he made the best choice. What in the world am i to do? I cant make my xh work with me on this, I am on my own. BUT when I try to deal with it, son calls dad and here we go again. When son does this, I try to make xh understand, but I am wasting my breath...or so I feel. Advice please someone?
Kimmie I know my son is an adult and that I am divorced but my son still lives under my roof and he got very defensive today. HE is the one that calls his dad and complains, so what am I suppose to do??? When son does this it only makes things worse between me and his dad.
