I would like to meet with her and confess all the things that I did to try and manipulate her. If I do she may see me as totally crazy and it may destroy even the slighest chance that I have. I know that it is something that I will have to do sometime for myself at least so that I can forgive myself for my errors. Or do I just wait it out and see if she will call me to meet. I am meeting with an IC in two days for the first time. Any thoughts?
NOPE. Don't TALK about it, just DO it. Talk is cheap anyway, and it will only weaken your hand to be so confessional and pleading and supplicating.
Can you tell us more about the various "bombs" you allude to in your signature? You really haven't given us much about what happened, or how you responded to it previously.
Here is a quick background in the other situations. 1st time she was unhappy and started talking to other guy. I got upset and pursued her and did not put my foot down like I should have the first time. Instead I pretty much just let her go on doing what she was doing. She moved out for a while then decided to give it a try. The second time she said that I was being jealous and wouldn't let her talk to other guys. What I should have done is tell her directly instead of just getting mad and not saying anything. We both stayed in the same house that time and eventually things just got better. I quit getting mad and she seemed to be better. This time same as last Nov except now she asked for a D. That is when I left. Now it is time to take my life
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Sounds like she has a little problem with "other guys." There's probably one now as well; have you checked?
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for taking a strong stand, but you have to be certain or you're just going to look like a passive-aggressive fool. I'd suggest getting some concrete evidence, and THEN making your stand.
I don't know if there is. I don't plan to do any digging either. I am going to live my life. If she choices to be a part of that then so be it. If not leave the keys at the door.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
OK. I understand, and you certainly don't need a concrete reason to MOVE BACK INTO YOUR OWN HOUSE (and your own BED, for that matter) now that I think about it.
I left because I needed sometime away from her. At first I was hoping that she would change her mind seeing that I was actually gone. But it was a good time for me to be able to clear my head and to start thinking for myself and not just for her. If this is going to work then she will have to make some sort of an effort towards that. I can change myself but that is it. The rest is hers.
I didn't mow the lawn by the way as I left town the last minute to catch a baseball game.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
why don't you live at home anymore? Who told you to move out? Did you make that decision or did she?
Move back home, it's only been a few days.
Attraction is an issue here, she isn't attracted to you anymore, it's very obvious. It has nothing to do with another man or anything like that. You exhibit behaviors that aren't attractive. Did you read your first post, look how many times you mentioned how much time you spent on this & that, it's very analytical: do you do this with her? Do you mention everything you do?
Validate her feelings if she ever chooses to talk to you. If she isn't in love with you, you tell her that's unfortunate. If she says that you're jealousy is too much, tell her you agree with her, you have a jealousy problem. Stop dealing with this problem using your male logic, she's a woman, she uses female logic, it's different and the two don't work well when the ideas are different.
Move back home, it shows that you are confident in yourself and that regardless of what she does, you will be fine. She may not like it at first, you may make her angry but too bad, it's your home too, and you will live there until it is sold or split up in a settlement. Setting boundaries and standing up for yourself will generate respect at her end, even if she realizes it or not.
Stop analyzing what she does, stop talking to her, stop asking questions, stop doing everything you are doing, seriously.
Get a !@#$% life, sorry, that's blunt but you just seem to be focusing to much on her and what she does, and thinks & feels. I know it's tough bro, but the sooner you actually get a clue on how this is going, the sooner you will achieve some peace in your life.
Implement no contact with her or limited contact. Stop texting her, calling her, emailing her, etc. Don't initiate any calls, txts, emails of any nature. You can reply to them but take your time but make sure it isn't 1 minute after receiving communication from her.
Stop looking at her and trying to reason with her, that won't work. Regardless of how much you want to work on this, she's at a point where she is frustrated and at the end of her rope and you aren't helping anything by pestering her with R talk. Women are more intuitive than men, she can sense that any attempt from you to talk to her is about getting her to come back and want to work on the marriage. Get a life, go dark, limit contact and start living your life and definitely move back home.
Yeah you are right on the analytical thing. I am an accountant so that would have something to with it. I texted her one time in the last week and that was to see if she had the lawn done. Other than that nothing.
Yeah I know I need to stop analyzing everything it is a big problem. Also trying to solve everything. Need to make more of an effort at not trying to do this. thanks for the kick in the shorts.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
