I'm not quite sure how to do this and my A is not answering the phone. If I fill for a restraining order I will have to show proof. The only proof I have is the kids telling me this.
It sounds like you already have a parenting plan in place as to the kids time. No need for any restraining order.
You do probably need to let your L know about the kids being around OM. I am not sure what state you are in so I dont know if adultery applies, but regardless, showing promiscuous behavior in front of children is not going to sit well in divorce proceedings.
Are you just having a difficult time now getting hold of your L or is it a pattern of lack of responses? You have to remember that you need to schedule talks with your L as they have other cases. Your L works for you and if you are not satisfied, you can always find another L.
ok, I think I need to calm down a little as I just got into this "Must do something NOW" emotionally driven mood. You guys got me all worked up. Standing and pacing, heart racing. I don't want to do anything irrational but at the same time I'm not going to stand aside and let her endanger the kids. I need to find something less drastic but as direct. Ideas?
Oh you definitely dont want to do anything you might regret with emotions running high. Besides this forum, do you have a close friend to talk things over with?
I think the most important attitude to have now is to not worry about making her mad. Her anger will calm down just as your emotions you are having now will taper off.
ok, I think I need to calm down a little as I just got into this "Must do something NOW" emotionally driven mood. You guys got me all worked up. Standing and pacing, heart racing. I don't want to do anything irrational but at the same time I'm not going to stand aside and let her endanger the kids. I need to find something less drastic but as direct. Ideas?
OK. First thing you NEED to learn is how to act "calm and collected". You NEED to teach yourself how to NOT REACT EMOTIONALLY anymore. YOU NEED to learn how to LET GO OF CONTROL. Tell yourself that YOU are the ONLY thing you can CONTROL. You have to let her go. LET GO and LET GOD!!!! Learn to ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. Im guessing like a lot of us here you have done that in the past.
First go for a long walk. Then sit down and figure out what you want. Besides your W back. Which isn't going to happen right now. In 6 mons who knows. Write down on a piece of paper what YOU think is best for your girls. What type of parenting schedule do you have already? No write down your list of goals. For today for this week? Months? etc... How are you going to use this time away from your W and your M to better yourself? Be a better father? Husband? Son? Brother? etc. What CHANGES are YOU going to make? Write about why you think your marriage fell apart. What could have been done differently? What advice would you give to a friend that was going through the same thing you are?
Yes she has two cases with him currently. Told me she is not intimidated by his loud voice and cases are won by evidence alone not an angery loud L.
Sounds optimistic!
Are the L's actively negotiating back and forth right now so as to hopefully avoid a costly court battle?
It's a shame that your W picked a "shark". My W had an ambulance chaser at first but then got a more experienced guy that worked in a very professional manner with my L. We were able to settle everything without the court getting involved.
I wish you did not have to go through this crap right now, but I can say it does get better. And I have seen a case here (gForce) where it got right up to the day of the D being final and his wife changed her mind. They are still happily married with their first baby together on the way.
OK. First thing you NEED to learn is how to act "calm and collected". You NEED to teach yourself how to NOT REACT EMOTIONALLY anymore. YOU NEED to learn how to LET GO OF CONTROL. Tell yourself that YOU are the ONLY thing you can CONTROL. You have to let her go. LET GO and LET GOD!!!! Learn to ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. Im guessing like a lot of us here you have done that in the past.
First go for a long walk. Then sit down and figure out what you want. Besides your W back. Which isn't going to happen right now. In 6 mons who knows. Write down on a piece of paper what YOU think is best for your girls. What type of parenting schedule do you have already? No write down your list of goals. For today for this week? Months? etc... How are you going to use this time away from your W and your M to better yourself? Be a better father? Husband? Son? Brother? etc. What CHANGES are YOU going to make? Write about why you think your marriage fell apart. What could have been done differently? What advice would you give to a friend that was going through the same thing you are?
God Speed. PMA
Thanks PMA, this seems like a good strategy. Some of these I have been doing. I need to work more on my short term goals and I haven't taken the time to right down about the marriage and why we are we we are at today. I'm going to read DR again tonight and then start writing.
Are the L's actively negotiating back and forth right now so as to hopefully avoid a costly court battle?
No, not as of now and actually I don't even think WAS knows I have one. I have been holding back in hopes of saving money as she emptied the bank before I could get there. When she first wanted this she said she was willing to just walk away with leaving me with it all except the car and personal things. Oh, and the tread mill. Boy she has changed her mind now.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
It's a shame that your W picked a "shark". My W had an ambulance chaser at first but then got a more experienced guy that worked in a very professional manner with my L. We were able to settle everything without the court getting involved.
Wow that's great. Unfortunately I don't see that happening in my sitch. Today anyway.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I wish you did not have to go through this crap right now, but I can say it does get better. And I have seen a case here (gForce) where it got right up to the day of the D being final and his wife changed her mind. They are still happily married with their first baby together on the way.
Wow, and I was thinking about writing a book. This guys must have a best seller in his past. Good for them. Hope they hang in there.
You do probably need to let your L know about the kids being around OM. I am not sure what state you are in so I dont know if adultery applies, but regardless, showing promiscuous behavior in front of children is not going to sit well in divorce proceedings.
Very sadly the law does not protect the kids from this and its even socially and morally accepted in the so called "advanced" societies. We live in degenerate times. Just look at all the stories here. My W went on a cruise with the kids and OM and stayed in hotel rooms where she slept with OM in the presence of the kids. Apparently the D filing is license to do all this. In this system all we can do is check OURSELVES from this sort of behavior. Kerry's W is living with OM (Ed) and there's not a damn thing he can do about it other than go to the batting cage and hit a come run imagining Ed is the ball.
