Beginner, I just saw your banner.. (ex GF from 30 years ago). We have something in common. Mine was/is/could still be seeing her ex BF from 18 years ago. Only problem is he is still in jail. They really go for the winners, don't they? She thought he was going to be paroled when she left me for him, but it didn't happen.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hey Astime, yep, you read right, my h was/is/who knows/ still seeing his girlfriend from 30 years ago. Get this - they were together 5 years - ages 15 - 20. She was living in his house as her family had problems. They were engaged. While living in his house, she cheated on him with his best friend.
Yep, that's who I'd call if I was having an MLC. She lives 8 hours away by car. (H travels a lot for business). She was/is married. And now for the best part - H is living with her 72 year old mother in our state because he cant afford an apartment because of all the debt he put us in.
How's that for pathetic? By the way, regarding your x - that sucks when that happens - you leave your h for a man in jail thinking he is getting out - even more pathetic.
One thing we all have in common isoue WAS picking these pathetic partners..I dont think we hear many stories where the WAS seeks a spiritual partner and grows..usually its down the destructive path they go
MY XH ( I really do feel sorry for him, He is not a bad person and doesnt deserve what he got from this 2 yer run with 28 (26 then) year old GF he totally lost it all--everything-- and is on presciption drugs for anxiety which I fear and hear are very addicting and difficult to get off of..
He is very angry and moody and doesnt talk for the most part now I just let him be--its sad but only thy can decide to either get help or not and sadly very few of them do peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
XH got in accident I think those presciption drugs are affecting him for the worse so Sunday was son * bday party and H didnt show He said something was wrong with his tires..so the party was successful with No XH there I am doing OK sometimes I feel alone in the sense that no one to help me with my kids XH seems like he is spinning lower..I just pray he hits a bottom so he can maybe become a better person now he is a constant liar he seems like an animal no concious or maybe he doesnt even know right from wrong the accident happened night he told me he would NOT pick up pizza for sons bday party wonder if the Karmic law isnt catching up I do not wish him harm..only enlightenment peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi nothing really new here I have a question??I read this on another post also
My XH was ver connected here until the final D until the money ran out- he spent it a lot on kids visited religiosly 4 x a week and would make up days if he had to miss..he wanted to be here for kids
NOw he seems animalistice.. like surviving He visits less//cant wait to leave seems barbarian..lies constantly I know he is on anti anxiety meds..he is recovering alcoholice for 20 years I dont know if hes drinkling again
question is: DO these mlcers sometimes stay connected for the first part like during replay then when the crap hits the fan totally disappear it seems backwards?? like he seems connected before..now he is almost gone from us hes just holding on by a thread I suspect he is at bottom at this point--(just by the way he acts totally irrational, angry moody unablr to listen or have a conversation anymore) peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, You are the second poster to ask this question about connection this week. The answer is...it depends upon the person and the situation. Some stay connnected throughout replay, but you have to remember that depression comes along and with that....withdrawal. The withdrawal is more evident closer to the end of the replay/depression stages.
Stop and think about it, money, euphoria and fun are gone. All he has left is bills and down time. Depression is back in full swing and he has no where to go but to the " hit bottom" stage. If you read up on depression, especially the dark depression, you will see he's doing the withdrawing. This is very natural. Leave him be, do not argue w/him. Walk away if he begins picking fights for he's very angry w/himself and everything that he's screwed up.
It's a long ride and one that you will need to step away from, especially at this stage. He needs the time to think and figure out when he wants to grow up and how to resolve the mess he's made.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It does sound like he is close to hitting bottom. Even though it isn't in the right direction for now, I think it's good that he's at least moving. Seems normal to me that he'd have to hit a low point somewhere on the journey in order to reflect on his actions and hopefully build himself up again.
I'm no expert on the stages, but I'm pretty sure you can expect for your XH to be stuck in this phase for a while...
snodderly thanks for posting..It does make sense that XH may be in the depression deeper now and hopefully he will figure out what he did and what he wants
still hoping thanks for visiting and your support..I am also following your thread peace
ON another note I am still deciding what to do about friend Just when I think I let go,,I am dancing wih him again and having a great time again I am also beginning to wonder about getting closer and exploring what this may be like with him danger zone I feel stronger now..maybe I can explore but XH and i still have yhis co parenting therapy which xh agreed to go..I have put it off the last few weeks as I havent felt ready to go I found a different therapist other one felt wrong on phone so maybe in the next few weeks we will go but I fear XH will just BS his way thru it and will be a waste of time peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My Ex was not always there during his crisis. he was infrequent with the children and their lives. He has however maintained a relatiosnhip of some sorts with them. He was a disppointing grandfather because of him getting OLD and he had issues with that. Close to my daughter thru out and youngest son lived with him and has become very self absorbed like EX was. He is out of crisis( hope I sent him back after this weekend) hahahaaalmao...and has developed strong ties to kids. So during the crisis absent after more involved because my kids are older and he can relate better and they make overtures too. They were not at home the whole time this was happening...coming and going married and moving away. But they all have some sort of relatioship with him now. i hope that yours gets his head out of his butt before it's too late.. Good luck..ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
I can relate somewhat to what you are saying. My ex does not seem as interested in his children as much as before. He is doing a lot with OW alone rather that with the kids. I actually perfer it this way since OW is as bad as he is.
He made a weird comment the other day about my son. He said that after he goes to college he plans to not be a big part of his life anymore. I thought how weird is that.
Since most of what he says is just gibberish, I ignored it.
I myself have not heard from ex in 10 days.
So, I agree with Snodderly, I think our ML'ers are hitting the withdrawal part of this process.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
