Hi Mnt, Just wanted to say hi, im still following along with you. it sounds like you are doing good with your GAL and working on your goals...the goals thing is something i really need to reassess!
I think its good you didn't take the mail over. I keep thinking about taking H his as I see it piling up but then I stop and think, no, he knows where it is, he's the one the chose not to be here, he is a grown up and can get it if he needs it.
Did you end up getting that book you mentioned above, Eat, Pray, Love?? If so how is it? I've been looking for some new things to read.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
let me slowly die at a machine that requires the exact same motion nonstop....with NOISES, and cigarette smoke all around, and someone trying to sell me life insurance at the same time...hell... J-
That does sound awful! Wait a sec, I work in front of a screen in a cube surrounded by noise... Hahaha!!
Why not go for the MFA! Doesn't really matter if is marketable; just that you enjoy it. Think of the plays and monologues and ad-lib fun you could have! Why not take a class and see what you think...
I ran the 10k today. Ran the whole darn thing! Woohoo!!! I really am GAL!!! And it will be a good life!
Focusing on counting the blessings I have, not the ones I don't have. Read that somewhere here, and I'm stealing it! So much to be thankful for. Our country, our solidiers that paid the ultimate sacrifice, our families and those that love us. Roofs over our heads and food to eat, and enough respect for ourselves during these troubled times in our r's to get on with life, away from the pity parties, and treat ourselves well!!
Hey did I tell you I write monologues? I'm doing a book of them for actors...wacky...and yes, a play as well, but anyhow.
WISH I COULD RUN A 10K and now that I've written it, I'm wondering who's stopping me? Um...no one...just my chunky thighs that I bet would LIKE to be able to do a 10k...hmmm. FINE, you threw down the gauntlet! I'm picking it up. ONLY committing to a 5k for now...but am at least committing to it THIS calendar year and MAYBE a 10k will happen. H is getting hyper fanatical about exericise but I think in a good way --as our trip was NOT a dieting trip (I refused to diet in Italy, but AM paying for it now, but at least it was a "quality weight gain" if you know what I mean...) and h will finally LIVE here in a month. (H's mother is circling the drain now with a new brain tumor but still, we need him here and d's are feeling too estranged, which showed on the trip. Long story there but with a good ending, except for MIL, but am doing all I can already on that front...)
Hugs,
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thx - it was a big accomplishment! Paying for it today with various aches and pains, but it was totally worth it!
I didn't know about the monologues but you mentioned you were involved in theatre. I was in forensics and plays back in school and I've always enjoyed a great monologue. Good for you!
K - I'm going to remember you committed to the 5k! Bet you can find something in your area for mid-summer to shoot for! Sounds like you had an awesome trip to Europe. Too bad about MIL but I'm sure you're anxious for H to come home.
My BF wants to come by tonight to share some things she thinks I need to know... including that H traded in his jeep for a truck and she's worried abt my financial obligations for his purchases. I hadn't followed up on the L other than emailing a friend for references. Really need to do this.
Came home and in the mail was a CC stmt from Jareds in my H's name. We haven't bought anything there for years so I opened it up the envelope and it shows a purchase this month. WTH? Either it's a purchase of jewelry or maybe a balance xfer?? I'm confused and freaking out a little bit. What if he's purchased a ring for OW... would he be so cold as to have the stmt sent here B4 telling me? Wouldn't he file for D before he'd get engaged?
I know my thoughts are probably out in left field, but I don't know what to think about any of this.
Wishing for luck and prayers to hear what BF needs to tell me and not jump to conclusions.
MNT-Take in what the friend says. Make note of it, but try not to fall apart. You already know he walked, you already know he thinks he's done. This is only information. Yes - I know it might hurt. But if you can take it in, and not contact him or scream at him like you most likely want to it would be better for you.
Definitely contact a L. Find out your rights and how to protect yourself. There are some legal protections for spouses. Start a journal and keep track of things like his truck, the Jared's purchase, etc.
As for that Jared's statement, you are going to have to search your conscience. Mine would be tempted to get rid of the statement so he wouldn't know to pay it. But, that is just me being a biotch.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
BF came over and then my two sisters one by one. BF and sis had discussed what BF knew and agreed I needed to hear it. All three were here to support and comfort, and yet I know their opinions about what to do are different than my own. I didn't get very upset with them here... everyone says I'm doing so well, but I'm just keeping it in until I'm alone.
H is currently on vacation in S. Calif. 3rd or 4th hand info indicates OW planned to go to Calif to see her sister as well, so most likely they are together on vacation. He flew out there and yet two weeks ago told me money was very very tight. Also, H sold jeep and got 4 door truck (seems very impractical). I see jeep sale as a good thing b/c the loan was with my employer and if the pymts fall behind it can impact my employment - so that's good. However, he took on add'l debt with new truck so that's where I need to see L for advice.
Hurts like heck to think of them on vacation together. He never wanted to go anywhere warm with me. Always wanted to be in snowy places... Also, she's only 21. I really really feel bad tonight about this. I know logically it can't work out for them, and I believe in the DB techniques of 180s and acting as if, getting on with MY life - but what my BF and sister are right and I'm wrong and should let H know how hurt and sad I am? No, that's wrong - I tried that before and it just pushed him further away. As you said, Wifey, he's already walked away. He's doing what he wants anyway and in his mind he's made the break from me, so he feels free to pursue whatever he wants with the lil' 21 yr old or whomever. I think I'd be wasting my breath at this pt. But it hurts so much... I haven't contacted H tonight and don't plan to. Like the idea of misplacing the Jared bill...
My other sister is more in line with the DB concept - don't initiate D or separation... don't agree with H choices, but don't have to react by filing over it. It's hard to pick out from friends/family what's best to do, w/out them feeling like you don't value their opinions just b/c you don't do what they think is best.
Got the repeat mammogram tmrw. I can only pray it goes okay but with my luck this week, who knows.
Speaking of prayer, I'd really been praying for signs/peace/direction. I usually have a sense of peace afterwards that just waiting it out is the right thing to do, but I'm getting no signs or indication that he has any guilt/second thoughts... suppose that's because of the A fog but it would be so nice to have some sign I'm doing the right thing!! Impatient, I know! H won't awaken to his responsibilities/actions until the fog starts to lift.. I'm just thinking aloud now.
K - so planning to maintain my course. Can't control H. Only me. He maybe vacationing, sleeping with, and proposing to OW and who knows what else?? But this is only about me and my life and my kids anymore. Salvaging any R or re-building a marriage is so far away rt now that I can't even focus my energy there. Thx for reading along and tmrw will be a better day.
Mnt, reading that post and how you are choosing to react(or not) to what you have learned has really helped me today. Even with everything, you are focused on what you can do and how you choose to be based on what is good for you & your kids. I know it is harder to live than just to say but I like your attitude. I need to really think about those things too. That is just what I needed to read. Thanks.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
lots of choices and decisions but SOME ARE CLEAR...you cannot be financially screwed but you will be if you don't take some Legal action asap.
Get to a L's office NOW and fix your finances. This is a bad bad sign of things to come if he's so clueless that the bills go to YOU and he does not care to inform you of selling a car with your name on the debt AND taking more debt on? You think that means he did not put you on it? I mean the guy will use you financially as a co-signer I bet, but not tell you. So whatever you choose to do emotionally and DBwise, is for you to decide. I know I'd probably be moving forward closing the door but not locking it. I fear you are not moving ahead enough b/c you are sooo hurt and I would be too.
REGARDLESS OF THAT STUFF...you know you have to fix the legal and financial problems asap and protect yourself and your offspring. So do that and let that be enough for now until you are ready for handling more.
Yeah I hear you about the warm places and new behaviors. Very familiar as Lots of WAS do exactly what the lbs'ers always wanted to do...for awhile....but the real guy will surface and then they'll "meet each other" for real...
Not your problem. Your problem is the financial legal ones and once you start handling those problems, they won't be problems anymore...
((( ))) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think I'm numb. Just know I can't control H anymore, like I ever could, and that's that. I just created a timeline of events. A lot has happened since H went away to 'think'. But it all comes back to focusing on what we can control.
For me, that means controlling my reactions and thinking long and hard about what to do now for myself and the kiddos.
BTW, the repeat-mammogram came back negative. Nothing to worry about!! That's a relief!
