I'm afraid that after yesterdays events on the phone that I have taken a step backwards. She wants this more then ever now. I don't know what to do at this point. I think I have let my emotions get the best of me. I'm still hanging onto hope as I do truly love her but its getting harder as each day goes by.
I have found that to "lovingly detach" is very difficult for me in my sitch with someone so full of anger and resentment. I have been trying to communicate nicely to her but she is all about conflict and seems to thriving on it. I'm beginning to wonder if she has BPD. Could it be? Does anyone know what other signs there are?
You keep saying that "she wants this more than ever now" as if what you say has a bearing on her. Let me tell you one thing, You cannot change her, you can only change yourself.
One of two things will happen if you change into a happy, confident MAN, a better MAN than you were before. One, she will delay the divorce, or two, You will be better prepared for the divorce.
I know it is hard, but do not believe that there is no effect on her if you change for the better using the techniques that are here. This can only be done however, if you really make the changes for yourself.
Kinda weird I know, but do you get what I am saying?
Hey Mr. Mom. It is amazing how much of myself I see in your posts. If a friend of mine knew I was on this board, they probably would have thought this thread was mine. I even pondered whether or not my wife was bi-polar as well. I can't offer much insight into that (other than to say, probably not). What I can say is that the most powerful action you can take is to detach. I think for everyone on this board there are different areas of emphasis -- GAL, 180, detach. IMO you need to focus on detachment. You need to visualize a divorced life, without your wife, with your daughters. You need to see a pathway there and see yourself as happy and content there. You need to accept that future to avoid being paralyzed by fear. I went through it (am going through it) and I can tell you it is so empowering for you, and at the same point it will not go unnoticed. The first time she realizes you can walk on without her, she will tremble at the thought of what that really means.
Hi Mr Mom - It is so unfair right now for you. Your W and OM are most likely working together as a team. Her anger towards you is so unjustified, but it is all part of cake eating - having the best of both worlds.
As others have said, you do need to detach, GAL and make yourself happy. However, you may need to take some legal protections in the meantime. It may be necessary to seperate some of the financial things and get something legal about her not being able to come and go from the house.
The 2 months before the hearing is not a lot of time, but you never can tell whether she might have some sort of awakening. I was much like you with the begging and trying to use logic only to receive anger back from my WAW. Towards the end of a year, she wanted back but I had decided that life was better without her as she had not changed and it would not have worked out.
Well she texted me yesterday afternoon and said she will have all of her cloths and belongings out of the house by the end of the week. I feel bad though because she has nowhere to bring the kids during the day but this is something she is going to have to figure out seeing how she made the decision to leave. I know shes just going to go running to OM house. I don't want the kids at his house but I cant let her keep walking all over me. I need to GAL and i will never be able to if she keeps controlling me.
I know it is hard, but do not believe that there is no effect on her if you change for the better using the techniques that are here. This can only be done however, if you really make the changes for yourself.
Kinda weird I know, but do you get what I am saying?
Burt
Yes, very weird and I'm struggling to find ways to change for the better for both my kids and myself. I just bought a new book called Connection Parenting. The last chapter is called "Connecting with Our Own Needs" where she talks about how children's needs are best met when we acknowledge and meet our needs first. I need to work on this because I have always put the family's needs first before my own. Thanks for the advice.
You need to visualize a divorced life, without your wife, with your daughters. You need to see a pathway there and see yourself as happy and content there. You need to accept that future to avoid being paralyzed by fear. I went through it (am going through it) and I can tell you it is so empowering for you, and at the same point it will not go unnoticed. The first time she realizes you can walk on without her, she will tremble at the thought of what that really means.
Wow, those are some great confidence inspiring words. I thank you for that.
oh, and by the way, I live about an hour from you. I actually had landed my dream job a few years back in a town just north of yours and I ended up turning it down and taking a lesser job nearby hear so we didn't have to move and the WAS could stay near MIL.
Hi Mr Mom - It is so unfair right now for you. Your W and OM are most likely working together as a team. Her anger towards you is so unjustified, but it is all part of cake eating - having the best of both worlds.
Oh yes, I'm sure he is telling and giving her everything she wants. I'm done being her puppet though. No more cake eating, this bakery is closing shop!
Originally Posted By: KerryK
As others have said, you do need to detach, GAL and make yourself happy. However, you may need to take some legal protections in the meantime. It may be necessary to seperate some of the financial things and get something legal about her not being able to come and go from the house.
I'm working the the financial end of it and trying to stay civil at the same time. I don't want this to get ugly as I know she is expecting that from me.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
The 2 months before the hearing is not a lot of time, but you never can tell whether she might have some sort of awakening. I was much like you with the begging and trying to use logic only to receive anger back from my WAW. Towards the end of a year, she wanted back but I had decided that life was better without her as she had not changed and it would not have worked out.
Handen't thought of it in that way. Who knows I might end up being the WAS.
