Three months seems like an eternity, but I am close to one year. You will be ok. I promise you will be even if you can't see it right now. It took me far longer than 3 months to really get it. The weaker moments will come, but that what puff's tissues are for. You might also try journaling.
When I want to call H and cry to him, I journal instead. I write out what I would say if I would call. Usually when I read it the next day I slap my forehead and thank God that I didn't actually do it.
Give yourself permission to cry. Sometimes after you cry awhile you get it out of your system and can keep going.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Thx Wifey for the post. 3 months has been an eternity, and a year seems impossible. And yet, I just read your latest thread and your growth and PMA are inspiring!! You are so strong!
The weaker moments do come, and then I feel silly about posting here about having a bad day when I'm supposed to be moving ahead. But sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back. In general, I'm moving ahead pretty well I'd say.
Cried this morning when I woke up. Just miss my guy resting next to me to snuggle, and warm up next too. Guess I could let my dog sleep next to me instead but her morning breath might be too much to bear! Haha!
I'll take your suggestion to journal when I feel like calling h. Great idea.
I too find the mornings hard sometimes, it used to be my favorite time, especially on the weekends. The time between when I get upset/cry is getting longer, definitely not everyday anymore and not been for a while. Keep on moving ahead like you said, don't feel bad for the 'two steps back' just think about the next one forward
I like the journal idea too, thanks, will try this.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Just wanted to say 'Hope you are having a good morning'!
Also, I do journal a lot...I used to all the time before I got married and then, stopped. It does help you to just say all the crap that comes into your brain without acting on them.
It is you being your own best friend! It may sound crazy, but that is a R that needs to be cultivated as well...right now is a great opportunity!
I'm being lazy this morning... reading DB threads and finding so many similarities... S up and drops the bomb, leaves with very little explanation and we're left to try and sort it out!!
So, I journaled last night with all the ?s I'd like to ask my h but can't. That was helpful! Read through my goals and GAL ideas. I've worked on some of them, but there's a lot more I could do. Would like to find a book club. I'm picking up Eat, Pray, Love ?? from the library today. Heard it mentioned her and it sounds like a good read. Also, need to do something different with my hair color. I stopped getting highlights several years ago to save $$ but I'm not crazy about the color. So, will schedule highlights next week. That'll be fun!
Have to drop off some mail to h at work this morning (well, don't have to but should) then off to watch S play in a b-ball tournament. The 10k is on Monday and it'll be fun to run with my sister.
mornings can suck at these times and I'm not sure why. But I recall my grief during H's MLC and my dad's death and I thank God it's spring now, and I live in a beautiful area of the country, as do you. So, forcing yourself outside is a good idea. Um -are you SURE you "SHOULD" drop mail off at H's? Why? Why see him at all? (Besides, Wait til after the highlights!)
Also, maybe journalling the ?'s helps you. But you're still making this about what is in his mind/heart and frankly, you will NEVER know the answers to your questions. I mean it, never. Nor will you ever truly understand. And even if you did, how on earth would that help you? Too much energy going that way. You think info would be good for you, but I don't think it is and besides, it is not attainable. He doesn't know exactly why he is doing this or what he feels. You don't have the same marital memories or yardsticks and you cannot. You also said LBSers, ie you, are "left to sort it all out" but we/you are not. Finances and kids stuff, yes we DO get to handle ALL of that but at least with the kids, we are also closer to them and you don't have to worry about someone taking your kids, which some people here do have as a major heartbreak added to their first one.
But You are not "left to sort it all out"....no, you are "left" to GAL...and to be the best mom you can be. Try really hard to remember that this is not about him. Not anymore. It is ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT AND LOVE TO DO WITH YOUR ONE LIFE...
((( j )))
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 05/23/0906:29 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Great points about asking ?s... would I really want the answers?! Probably not and since I can't believe anything h says rt now anyway... This is my time to work on me and control/take care of what i can. And none of that involves h.
Didn't take the mail over to h - too busy!
Yes, very true - I have the kids and many aren't so fortunate. I will remember to feel thankful!
Today was a great day! Watched games and took a nap at the campus in the grass by a fountain... it was so peaceful! The kids and I are now trying to find a movie to watch. I'm pushing for An Officer and a Gentleman... they think it looks dumb! Kids!?!
how old are the kids again? Maybe they need "Top Gun" which does have a romantic ending and more "action"...hmmm, I LOVE FILMS...am going to finish incredibly NON marketable MFA in Film/Theater Acting...yes I AM GOING TO DO THAT.
There, new ACTION PLAN...thanks for solving my whole life's problems! Actually, have been mulling this oer and over and actually know I do want it. So why am I letting other stuff stop me? Hmmm. I won't. Money reasons will force me to go at night, but so what? It'll take a little longer...
Ttys,
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The kids are 16 (d) and 17 (s). Top Gun is another "classic". Not like the oldie but goodies like GWTW or Dr Zhivago but pretty darn good... especially the volleyball scene. Yeah baby!
Day 2 of the BB tournament. Did a 180 on myself and left early. That would have shocked my h. But I left b/c I have to get to Boulder for the 10k tmrw am. Can't wait!!
25 - love the idea of finishing your MFA. No good reason not to pursue this! It took me almost 20 yrs to get my BA finished at a night school b/c I constantly started and stopped with various 'reasons' but finally I just did it. Just go for it!! I think you deserve to pursue something like this just for yourself. You're worth it!!
thanks. Exactly right about the MFA as I have a law degree doctorate but this would be ALL ABOUT ME and what I love and probably won't "market" it well. Tough. Can't market my languages either....but I love speaking French to my relatives and getting by in a few others...Christ, if learning and getting an education is all about the job market and only that, you may as well post me in front of a computer data something or other, or a factory line, and let me slowly die at a machine that requires the exact same motion nonstop....with NOISES, and cigarette smoke all around, and someone trying to sell me life insurance at the same time...hell...
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
