trytoohard is glad she tried!

[trytoohard]

Most recent thread from piecing

A quick recap of my sitch:

M 42, H 42
M 22, T 27
D 21, S 18
PA #1 1996
PA #2 1997
EA/PA #3 2004-2008 MOW Dupped H 2008

I took a job 3 hours from home for 9 months and H moved back into our home to be with our son who is graduating high school in two weeks. I moved back home in December, couldn't take being away from home and kids. Also, H moved his mother into our home and she showed no signs of leaving. This is not an acceptable situation given her mental illness and our shaky status at the time.

Let me start by saying that last June while on a family vacation, H confessed to another infidelity that occured 12 years earlier in our marriage. I felt at the time that he was not telling me the whole truth and I told him so. He insisted that he had told me everything however and I shoved my gut down yet again. He also slipped up in conversation and admitted to having gone to the movies with MOW just a few months prior when he swore it was over more than a year ago.

I came back home 5 months ago and things have not improved despite all of my very best efforts. He confessed two months ago that there was yet another infidelity 10 or 11 years ago and that he was drawing "a line in the sand that we could not cross and that was to stop bringing up the past and move forward." Since I had never planned on a lobotomy and have come too far in therapy to just get stupid again, I told him I was through.

H has stated that he thinks we should get a D and that way any time we spend together would be because we wanted to. I am now, after 4 1/2 years of being apart and seeing how he has learned to talk the talk but does not intend to ever walk the walk, very at peace with filing for divorce. It is painful and sad but I feel so right about it and am moving forward. H had promised throughout the reconciliation that he would do whatever it took to make this work. He then quit therapy, sold our farm and spent the proceeds on two motorcycles, and told me that he has done all he is going to do because he thinks he has done enough.

It sure took a while but I am here because I need to be. I pray that all of you out there hurting are able to heal either with the help of your betrayer or alone.

My children both say they know that I have done everything humanly possible to save my marriage. My friends and family have been so patient and loving through all of this but they are so relieved that I have accepted that he is who he is and that is ok for him but I can never trust him or being in an intimate relationship with him again.

I love my new job! My daughter moved out and will graduate college in December. My son enlisted in the Navy and qualified to attend SEAL's training. He will ship to boot camp 1/5/2010.
My nest will be truely empty in January so I am putting the nest on the market and looking for a smaller place that requires less maintenance.

I feel like I have run the race of my life and finished. I did not win but neither did I lose. I finished.

[cat03]

have you finished? hmmm, I think there is still quite a bit ahead of you, your life continues, it didnt' end with him leaving or kids moving on, I hope you find more goals and keep on moving forward, sounds like you;ve found peace, that is the most important thing.

[trytoohard]

Catching up after months of lurking about. D will be final next wednesday 8/19. STBXH is leaving 9/2 for Afghanistan for 1 year as a civilan contractor for the company he works for. Our Lord God works in wonderful ways!!!

I have gone through MOST of the real divorce, you know the part where you really let go and wish them the best and can say anything to them because there is no fear anymore. Now the legal part will be done next week and while it is profoundly sad I am primarily relieved.

I am selling our home, get rid of most of my 'stuff' and I am going to move in with my parents for a year to become debt-free and save for a down payment on a home. I may buy a trailer and do some travel nursing...I love the thought of pullig in, popping out the awning, stringing my lantern lights, rolling out the fake green grass and putting up pink flamingos and calling it home for a while!

I'm healing folks and boy has it taken time. This board has helped so much over the past 4 years. I couldn't imagine being at the place I am today as a newcomer but I'm finally here!

[cire2]

Isn't that peace within cathartic?

It's good to see the detatchment and acceptance of what is now. A new journey awaits on a different path, who knows where it will lead. Enjoy the steps and the scenery!!

cire

[trytoohard]

Thanks cire! Cathartic it is my friend. I'm so looking forward to each day of my journey in this often twisted, frequently crazy and totally beautiful life!