It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

I meant to post yesterday but got busy with kids and Mother's Day stuff.

Ya'll know by now that dates are meaningful to me adnaseum (sp)

So yesterday May 10, 2008 was the last the phone call heard round the world (literally) since that's where ow lives. As far as I know and I am pretty confident that's the last time he has heard her voice. I listened in the conversation and it was satisfying. Not in a mean nasty way either.

So that's it... we crossed all the milestones for a year. He even brought it up yesterday. He wished me a Happy Anniversary again and I think we are both glad that years of "first" is behind us.

We seemed to try to make new and different memories of each of them so next year... they will just be like any other days. Fingers crossed!

I've been waiting on a delivery that was suppose to be here yesterday as H is out of the country for the month.... still didn't get it by today. Poor thing... he is a little aggravated as he really wanted it delivered yesterday. That's ok though because I got the best thing of all.

My new marraige...with the best parts of the old marriage and some great new stuff.

I think it's BUSTED!

[BobbiJo]

So very, very happy for you! Remember it is a marathon, not a sprint. You are a runner, right? So you get that, I know. Keep using the tools you have so whenever any of the usual conflict stuff comes up, you can handle it. And enjoy your marriage!

[sandycay]

Well,

I sit here feeling to dumbstruck and crushed to even write about what has happened. Please pray for me.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Sandy--call the house if you need me

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Everybody,

Keep sandycay in your thoughts and prayers. She is an amazingly strong resilient woman, but she is in a lot of pain and feeling blindsided [and her dumba** H needs to be whomped upside the head with a nice heavy cast iron frying pan!!!! ]

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I'll hold him, you swing the pan! SIGH

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Kalni]

OK, I am afraid to ask what has happened. I hope you are OK sandy...
xxxx
much love to you
K

[BobbiJo]

Oh, Sandy......I am hugging you from here girl. I hope you are okay, let us know, ok?

[sandycay]

ok here it goes:

H has been out of town for couple of weeks. I went out to his car to get paper work and decided to look in the trunk and found an instruction booklet for a Net10 Phone. My heart dropped. (It's a disposable phone)

I called him and told him what I had found an this was what he said in a nutshell in our conversation.

Last fall I needed to get closure. I was struggling and the counsleing wasn't helping. I needed to figure it out on my own and in my own way... so I needed to contact her. I had a handful of conversations with her over the course of a couple of months and I haven't talked to her since before Christmas. Sandy, I jumped so fast from one relationship to another that I never had time to figure it out for me. When I came home I was always worried about you and then it hit me like a ton of bricks and took a couple of months to sort out, but I did.

Last fall if ya'll remember is when I started sensing something was a miss.... that he was pulling back.. now I don't know if that was before he called her or after.. doesnt' really matter.

He says this was about him and what he needed to do for him to square this away. He said don't you see how things have gotten better for me... for us. Which is true, he has been really "present" for the last couple of months.

Now, that goes without saying we had a no contact agreement that he violated and then lied to me about as I have asked him in the fall if there had been contact.

Here is the struggle now that he has violated that trust where do I go from here. On the one hand, I truly have seen a difference in him... on the other hand..he has shown me that he can lie and decieve... to buy a phone and hide it?

I don't know what to do... he won't be back in town until next week so I have some time to chill and detach a bit.

He states he wants to be here. He plans on coming home. This is where he wants to be. We should move forward.

Another piece, he won't really discuss what the "closure" phone calls looked like. Says it doesn't matter... that it will lead to more questions from me and start a cycle. He is pretty vague about the whole thing. Doesn't know exaclty how many times he called, can't exactly remember what was said, how long they talked. So that's troublesome.

I start to ask questions like if he has seen her or if there is email contact and then I kinda laugh because I don't know what the hell is the truth anymore... (he says no, Of course)

So, I am not out of the woods yet. I think he is relieved it's out in the open. He says he doesn't regret that he did it because it was necessary for him. He is truly sorry for hurting me (again, gag)He regrets that I found out. So this is all new the secrecy surrounding the phone calls... he has told me every little detail about the affair.

We left it yesterday that I can't move forward until I know more detail about the calls... I want to know what was said and closure came about. He says he is not going to discuss it so we are at a stale mate. Also, maybe I could see the one call but multiples?

He says he is drawing a line in the sand .. we can either

A. continue on in our marriage with it the way it was before I found out because everything was and has been going great

or

B. We get a friendly divorce and he will take better care of me and the kids than he did last year... (be more available and be nicer to me) that he wants me to stay in the house.

I said "stay in the house, I'm not even staying in the state" if that's the way it goes. I have no family here so no reason to stay, your the only reason I'm here.

So to that he says "Well, that's just great.. I'm such a *uck up.... everytime i try to do something for myself that I need to do ... it ends up being the worst thing.... but Sandy I am telling you... I had to do this.


So that's it .... in ideas on how to proceed because I am pretty usless right now. He has been texting me most of the night and most of today. He ended some of those text with I love You. Confused? Me too.

Guess I need to change my profile, cause it's not busted yet.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I will reiterate here what I said to you last night--

This divorce is as busted as you allow it to be. The ball really is in your court. You can choose to forgive and let the questions go or you can choose to divorce. You know what my position is.

No matter what, though, I love you and I will support whatever you decide.

"The enemy, no matter how fierce, is no match for Christ" Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW