Actually, she didn't look happy last night but no she has not said anything to the effect of losing her family She is more isolated even at the baseball games and its not normal for her to miss so much of S15's games.
I'm not sure what she is thinking or feeling anymore as we really don't talk much. However, when we do she does sound "happy" but I'm not sure if she is "acting as if" or if she really is happy. I'm still just giving her space and no R talk nor any pursuing.
I'm praying that she is not too stubborn to realize she has a chance to come home if she is willing to work on the issues which caused her to look outside of our M. A lot of people have given me grief for standing for my M, but I'm not giving up easily, just trying to move on and be strong for my kids.
Another thing about W and her "family" is she never seems to want to stay at the house with the kids (whether I'm home or not). On Wednesdays I go to my brothers for dinner so she can dinner with the kids but she doesn't stay much longer after they eat. And she is spending less time with them on the weekends. I'm not sure if its her or the OM driving this as she seems to be on a short leash with him. W still not really talking with her mom nor anyone else in her family. She used to be all about family and would talk with her aunts/uncles and cousins often (not much since she met OM)
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
I think he is controlling and/or just could not be alone in his apartment. He was living with another woman when he met my W and when his girlfriend found out about my W she left him and then OM kept pushing W to move in with him. Not sure how independent OM or W are but this is where they are now.
They think I should have dumped her a$$ and filed for D when she dropped the bomb. One dad even told me that if I take W back that he would gather up a posse with pitch forks and torches and come to my house and remove W just like they did in Frankenstein If I mention that I would like to build a new M with W they think I'm crazy but I try to tell them that I would not just let her come back. I would have boundaries and we would have to work real hard to build a new R and then a better M. They think I'm too nice and she will walk all over me, however, I have changed and continue to grow so I will be better prepared to have a backbone and not let her just come back without determining what caused her to look outside of our M.
Today was a fairly good day. After work went on hour walk, then came home and make steaks on the George Foreman grill, then we had brownie sundaes. My parents came over as I needed to borrow their van again so I had S15 drive us to their house to drop them off and he is doing so well with the driving and I'm proud of him In between all of this had to log into work to answer some emails and also did a couple loads of laundry. All-in-all a good day. Thinking about W at different points of the day and missing her but I know I'm doing a little better each day - thanks {{runningoutoftime}} for keeping up with my sitch. Hope you are doing well too.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Last night, W and met to discuss our R and the informal separation agreement we drew up in January, per this agreement we agreed to meet on May 1st. (we are scheduled to meet again on Aug 1st) W came over to the house and we started off by talking about our work days and some small chit-chat about good news we heard which some neighborhood kids have possible scholarship opportunities. Then I asked her to sit down so we could go over the document which I updated at work Friday morning. I really felt in control as we went through this as I was taking the lead. The first question I asked her is "what do you want to do" in regards to our R, continue the separation, get divorce or reconcile? She said she did not know and asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted to reconcile but realized that could not happen as long you still have feelings for OM, so I would like to continue with this separation as we have been doing (I realize this could be weak or a backslide but wanted to tell her how I feel, BTW: she is never angry with me). She quickly agreed as she said she does not want to divorce (I think - trying not to mind read - she is confused and lost). Then W asked if I would be willing to give her the Kolh's card so she can buy some new outfits for the spring/summer as her clothes are falling off her and I said that she could use the card as long as she paid back the balance, which she agreed to. Then she asked if S13 could come by their apartment to walk OM's dog and I said as long as OM is not there and S13 really wants to then its fine with me as I know how much S13 loves dogs even though he is allergic to them. She also said she would like the kids to come to the apt but I told her she could come to the house more often if you want as I don't want the kids to feel obligated to go over there in case OM is around and I don't want to force the kids to meet new people in their parent's lives right now. She seemed receptive to that idea. Next, we discussed finances which we are going to continue as we have been the past couple of months which seems to be working fine now that we hammered out some details awhile back. I told her when she first left and said I could take all of her check, which I did even though I didn't need every penny. I told her I was mad and a little vindictive and since then have tried to be fair with what is needed for the household expenses. (I didn't tell her that I met with a couple of lawyers to determine what I could really get from her) W will continue to help fold the laundry and help with getting kids to various appointments. We discussed the up coming holidays: she will take the boys to brunch on Mother's Day and said she does not plan to do anything with them for Memorial Day, Father's Day or 4th of July. We again discussed that OM will not come to any of the kids events (sports, school, etc) and if he shows up to surprise W I asked her to tell him to leave and she agreed. She still doesn't want to hire any lawyers which I said is fine for now. W then said "I'm sorry" which I was not sure how to respond, so I said for what? And she for all of this and I just smiled cause was not sure what to do. Then W said I looked good and asked me how I was doing and I said I'm doing very well and told her about the projects I'm leading at work and that work is going really good. I told her me and the boys are getting along great and things here are going good. She could hardly look at me as she was tearing up, so I asked her how are you doing? She said she has been up and down as she is sad at times and misses her friends and family. W really misses our niece (she is 20) as they were so close, I told W that our niece is very mad and hurt right now. She believes most of her friends are either mad at her or don't want anything to do with her (I just listened and didn't respond). Then she mentioned that she is 99% sure that even if she came back home her mom would never forgive her to which, I said that is up to her mom. (My W does not really understand what forgiveness is, in that it would be for her mom, not W) Then W said she is surprised I would consider taking her back I said, (may not DBing) if you wanted to come back and if I wanted you back then we would have a lot of work to do and can discuss this more at that time. In addition, I mentioned don't let outside people influence your decision if you want to come back. This was most of our conversation (at least what I can remember) then she came by me, said thank you and gave me a big, long hug and kissed me on the cheek I felt really good and strong as I was prepared for her to tell me she wanted a divorce which I would have validated. I didn't mention ILY or how much I missed her just tried to be upbeat and look happy with my new life. So, I will continue to DB, GAL, find more 180s, get stronger, pray and be there for my kids as I have been so far.
Then I called my mom and a few friends and told them what happened and they all said that if I'm happy with how it went then they are happy for me
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Well, at S15s game today (which I walked to) OM shows up and leaves after about 10mins. I immediately called W and told her I want to meet her and talk in person, she says ok. I walk directly and purposely up to her and she looks like a little kid who is going to be scolded and I said what are you thinking. She said OM is stubborn and she said she begged him to leave but he wanted to be there for her. I said you need to make it clear to him that he cannot show up and she said she will talk with him again. I told her that OM is disrespecting you and your kids. She said I know and then I replied if like to be with someone like he is then its your choice. She begged me for another chance and I said I'll give you 1 more chance. (Not sure what I'll do or can do but I made it clear that I was not happy about him disregarding my kids). I said I thought I was clear last night and that we had a good conversation and she agreed even said she was nervous all day about how last night would go and thought it was good. So, as I walked away I said 1 more chance and she said I know, I know and I'm sorry.
I actually felt ok, just worried about my kids and I know I'm so much stronger than before as I would not have stood up to her like I have been lately.
As I was walking home I called my best friend to update him on the latest developments between last night and today. He kept asking if I was ok and I said surprisingly I'm fine and he said alright as long as your fine then he was good too He is a great friend, we are more like brothers since we have known each since first grade.
So when are you going to branch out from cookies and try carrot cake?
Alright, I made the Carrot Cake and will bring it to my parents house tomorrow for everyone to try....it was not hard to make but next is the taste test
Carrot cake is delicious - thanks {{runningoutoftime}}
W came over this morning to check on S13 as he had a stomach during the night. Then I asked her if we could talk and she said yes. I asked her if she talked with OM and she said that I have nothing to worry about as she talked with him and I said time will tell. Then I told her my concern is that I don't want the kids to have to meet OM since they are still adjusting to you moving out. She agreed. Then I told her I do not want the kids to ride on OM's motorcycle nor be around him and she agreed with this request. I hope this is sinking in a little with her but as I said time will tell. Then, I asked W if she could give me a ride to church which she did (kids not feeling well so they stayed home) and on the way there I realized how much I miss her and still love her. I wanted to tell her but I didn't as she already knows this. Then I walked from church home and now we are getting ready to go by my parents as the kids seem to be feeling better.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
She is more isolated even at the baseball games and its not normal for her to miss so much of S15's games.
If I mention that I would like to build a new M with W they think I'm crazy but I try to tell them that I would not just let her come back. I would have boundaries and we would have to work real hard to build a new R and then a better M. They think I'm too nice and she will walk all over me, however, I have changed and continue to grow so I will be better prepared to have a backbone and not let her just come back without determining what caused her to look outside of our M.