MLC Maybe?

[Jerri]

I called a couple of attorneys. One is more of a mediator/conciliatory BUT first appointment I can get with her is May 8th.

Second attorney appears to be an absolute shark. Had a telephone consultation, and she already wants to file immediately for divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhumane behavior. Told her all I wanted was some sort of temporary order to protect my financial position and maybe see about filing for separation. She didn't think, given my situation, that that was possible.

I'm very uneasy about going straight for the jugular. I still love my H and am hoping that eventually he'll come back. Can't see that happening if I immediately go for the kill. I'm leaning towards cancelling the appointment with the shark and waiting for 8th May.

Just heard from my son and he has paychecks for me - so for the moment the money is still coming in.

Is waiting for what is hopefully a less confrontational attorney a good idea? I know, I'm the only one that can answer that but otoh I would like some input.

[job]

Jerri,
You need to sit down and think about what you want out of this. When meeting with the lawyer, you need to make it known as to what you want, not the other way around. You are the one paying this person's bill and they need to listen and understand just exactly you want them to do.

Some of these lost souls will remodel, insist on renewing wedding vows, purchase a holiday cruise and then announce later it's over. They all do crazy things...I would venture to say your h was just starting to want different scenery, hoping that with the change, things would be different for him. I know, it's crazy, but that's how they think.

Good luck on the lawyer hunt....if I were walking in your shoes, I'd talk to a couple more before I laid my money on the table, especially if I'm not ready for a divorce.

[Jerri]

Snodderly - thanks for reply. I've decided to wait for the appointment on 8th May. This attorney is highly recommended by everyone I've talked to. I got some money from my h today. $500 short of what he usually sends though.

Thanks for your thoughts on the renovation work - that's what I was thinking too.

[Jerri]

My cell phone is dying so I've been frantically transcribing all H's text messages on to my computer (I have an old, old cell).
I found this long book of a text that my H sent me on March 7 - a month after he walked out.

If no-one minds I'd like some thoughts on it:

"I want to be alone right now I know this is difficult and you can’t/don’t understand why this happened but you should at least realize that you played some part in this you seem to think this is something I’m going through but you are a big part of this and I think this is just another example of you not being able to see past yourself…. You just it as me with the problem not you and I am doing this to you. I don’t think you are a horrible person …. Maybe just not the person who I want to share the rest of my life with…. To me it just felt like I was never important enough to you that you would want to make any changes in our lives and our relationship…. I always wanted more but you weren’t willing the fact that you are willing to change things now just doesn’t seem sincere. This probably seems selfish but I need to think of myself right now. I can honestly say I had been unselfish in our relationship till now can you say the same? I don’t know how this situation is going to end but I’m not rushing anything at this point
Sorry you are having a hard time with this you need to keep busy to keep your mind off of this. Calling me right now is not going to accomplish anything "

[Jerri]

Well today is my H's birthday. Just going to try and keep busy all day so I don't have to think.

[job]

The best medicine is to keep busy.

[Jerri]

I did send my H a birthday card. Put a little note in it - very non-confrontational just saying that I cared about him and wished he would go see a dr. (I've heard from several people that he looks terrible). Counsellor we saw actually through he was about 20 years older than me!! (He's 3 years younger).

Today I got a polite e-mail from him thanking me for card and thoughts. Guess it's better than a kick in the teeth.

He never did reply to my e-mail from last week asking if he was going to file.

[job]

I'm glad he responded to you. Now, step back and leave him alone for a bit. As for his medical condition...it's on him to seek out assistance. You've mentioned and let's see if he does something w/the suggestion.

I'm not the least bit surprised to hear that he has ignored your email of last week. They tend to do that when it's something that they really don't want to hear. They are great sweepers for putting things under the rug.

Focus on you!

[Jerri]

I doubt he will do anything with the dr suggestion.

Oh well not my problem.

Am leaving him completely alone.

[Jerri]

Well found out for sure the other day that he's having an affair.
Had suspicions but no real proof. Now I do.

He's practically living with the woman and he's commuting three hours one day to do so. Leaving work early (something he would never, ever do for me), getting in late (again something he'd never do - not even when we were first married).

I sure would like to know how someone who claims to be incredibly happy can look so awful. He looks 20 years older than me and he's actually about four years younger.

I'm seeing an attorney on Tuesday.