My Sailor is Back-but not Home

[pearlharbr]

SMW, just catching up with you. Blech.

I agree with everyone else - your H is a serious a$$. You, on the other hand, are handling yourself with grace and dignity. I applaud that.

And I second sandycay's suggestion above: put on some sassy shoes, leave the kids with H and get out of the house for some you time! I know they're just sitting in your closet wanting to go out and have some fun...

[SmileysPerson]

SMW, you rock.

And I get that the ship is going into the yards, etc. Two words for CPO Dipsh*t: Navy....Lodge. I understand there's one in Gitmo.

Just sayin'.....

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,

You already know how I feel about all of this. I am praying for you and your kids. I'm also praying that your DH (my DH stands for something a little different than yours!) wakes up from this self-induced fog that he's put himself in before it is too late to salvage any kind of decent relationship with your children and you.

God bless!

S4H

S4H--

Thanks for being at the other end of a keyboard for me the past few days. Thank you also for all of the prayers. Last night it occurred to me that all of our prayers are moving God to act more swiftly and that in response, the enemy is dragging H down a road he would have never considered as recently as two years ago. The enemy is underestimatong God, as usual, though. I listened to a devotional yesterday and the author said:

The enemy, no matter how fierce, is NO MATCH for Christ.

Add a few dozen prayer warriors across the country and it is time for the enemy to concede this battle to the Lord.

It is so sad to watch DH foundering like this. I know that, in all likelihood, he will have to hit rock bottom before he realizes Who he needs to trust in to dig himself out of this pit. I am more and more thankful for all God has done in me to bring me to the point that I can face what is in front of me, knowing I have His strength to get me through. Another quote from that teaching fits this, too.

I give Him my weakness, He gives me His strength.

Once DH remembers WHO REALLY is in charge, he will begin to find his way back, I am confident in that. I hate that DH may have to be broken down completely for it to happen, but perhaps God will get through before it gets to that point.

I am most concerned about the kids. They are still praying for their Daddy. D9 has been praying that God would show her Daddy that his choices are not right. I only hope that I am modeling the right behavior for them and that they are learning to trust in the Lord for all things. Who knows how they will react after his abandonment and week of silence. Hopefully, I have taught them the lesson of unconditional love for others that the Lord has been impressing on me.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Just catching up on you... I was really hoping things would be different after he came back, but this is exceeding the worst expectations!

I think we all had higher hopes for homecoming than DH was capable of realizing. I just hope his trip to MI was sufficently miserable.

As you're trying to deal with this, don't try to rationalize the irrational... You can see from the posts above that it's not just you that can't figure it out. He's being completely irrational. Don't spend too much time trying...

No, that would definitely be a cheeseless tunnel!!

Keep doing what you were doing while he was gone. He needs to see the consistency of your changes and the life you've built for you and the kids while he was gone.

Strength!

I got that consistency down. I had a rough day last Tuesday with the kids, yet I still got the laundry done, cooked a hot meal for them, and got work done on one of my school papers. I cannot let myself get derailed into a panic mode. God is in control and I cannot sidetrack Him from dealing with DH just because I forgot where my hope comes from.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,
I have nothing to add that hasn't already been written above, except that your strength and dignity is inspiring, and I am in the prayer circle for you and DH.

song--

My strength and dignity comes from God. It took me a long time to learn to surrender control to the Lord. Once I did, it freed me to really grow in His Word and Love. Acting fearful and reacting in rage and anger does not bring Glory to him and is counterproductive to boot.

Thank you for your continued prayers. I delight in knowing that one day, hopefully in the not too distant future, that I will be able to share with DH the fact that so many people around the country cared enough about us, our family, and our marriage, to pray for our reconciliation.

I have several scriptures to add to your thread in the prayer circle. I will try to get them in there before the weekend.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

KellyJo, my beautiful friend--

Charlyne often refers to our spouses as living in the pigpen, taken right from Luke 15 and the parable of the Prodigal. I imagine that pigpens are full of nasty things that would eventually make life very uncomfortable. I guess it just depends on their level of tolerance as to how long they hang out there.

LOL about the username and password!

God gives the blessings, I am just fortunate enough to be his vehicle.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

hhmmm that's an easy one. You say here take the kids on so and so night and bring them back at so and so time. You don't need to explain. Just state the facts in a business like fashion then smile and wave... leave him wondering. Make sure you get out without those kids and he doens't need to know what you are doing (even if you go spend 2 hours in a book store followed by 1 hour at the library) I even only told my kids that I was going out with friends. Sometimes I was and sometimes I wasn't. At least once a week do this and make it a weekend night for good measure.

Give that man something to wonder about will ya?

Thanks Sandy!

I guess he is going to need to see if my BIL and SIL mind if he has the kids over there for visits, since right now he will not be getting much past the threshold of my front door. I cannot let him back in here to destroy the kids with his playacting of happy family. Prior to deployment, his visitation consisted of Mondays and Thursdays from 4-7 and every other Saturday from 10-8. D9's counseling kills the Thursday visitation, as I will not let him pick and choose which kids he takes with him. I guess it is Mondays for now, too, as the weekends are killed with family things. In addition, he will have to be responsible for their homework getting done on Mondays, too.

Luckily, D17 watches the kids for me to go out once an a while, and quite honestly, I have become a bit of a homebody. Quiet music and reading is how I like to spend my down time. the summer concerts are coming, though, so that will be changing, too!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

How do I explain to DH that out lives are too busy for him now?

quit worring about this.... you don't owe him anything.

a person who leaves their spouse just didn't have the skills needed... a person who leaves their kids has issues

sorry but you don't deserve the heart ache here

Kenn--

One of the biggest things i have had trouble dealing with is DH's treatment of the kids. It is unconscionable and so out of character for him. i guess, since he really does not want to have a family, it is not really necessary for me to make his readily available to him. Wonder how it will feel to think you have all this time to spend with your kids, yet you do not get to spend it with them. that was his justification to D9 for going to MI now. He will see the kids all the time but did not know when he would see his friends again.

None of us deserve this heartache, but it is what God is giving us to deal with right now. I am just tryingto handle it in the best way I can, weighing my decisions against what the Lord expects me to do.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

((((((((((SMW))))))))))

Words fail me, sweetie. There are no words really for me to express the admiration I have for you!

Please do not give me all the credit. Give it to God, where it rightly belongs.

I hope I don't offend in saying this.....it's no secret that I myself am not a religeous person, but I had a thought that maybe God is using you to teach all of us who have had the priviledge of watching you take this journey what real grace and dignity looks like!! Now, if I were you that thought would piss me off!! But, of course, you are not me.......you actually have grace, dignity, patience, unconditional love, strength and endurance more than anyone I've ever seen!

Knowing your religious views, I know this is a lot coming from you. Someone told me that my stand would become a wonderful testimony to the Lord's greatness and a ministry to other struggling married couples would come out of this. What a challenging gift that would be--to become an instrument for the advancement of His Kingdom! And, while I may be exhibiting all of those characteristics now, please know that i am human, with human foibles, and I do struggle with anger, bitterness, impatience and fear. But, when i give them to the Lord, He helps me persevere through His strength.

You deserve all the joy life has to offer, SMW! I have no doubt at all that one day you will have exactly that!!!

((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))

We all deserve that, TJ. Not many people fight for their marriages anymore. Anyone willing to take any type of a stand for what is true and right deserves to be richly rewarded for it.{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you too!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW, just catching up with you. Blech.

I agree with everyone else - your H is a serious a$$. You, on the other hand, are handling yourself with grace and dignity. I applaud that.

And I second sandycay's suggestion above: put on some sassy shoes, leave the kids with H and get out of the house for some you time! I know they're just sitting in your closet wanting to go out and have some fun...

pearl--

I wear those sassy shoes all the time! My friends from church have loved watching me transform before their eyes and blossom under God's love. I want to go to the movies Friday night--Hugh Jackman, Wolverine, YUMMY!--but I have my relate group that night so I will have to wait until next week, I guess. Really, family things have this month jam packed with stuff and June is looking like more of the same.

I will get out for me soon. I went out with my mom and ate banana splits for dinner last night!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW