Divorce looming #11

[CityGirl]

Kevin - that alone should be a HUGE red flag to you! You have nothing to say because you were told not to talk about your W!

Not one positive or interesting thing happened to you today? Not one second of YOUR day is worthy of a mention?

I can yammer on about my H and how much he hurt me like the best of them (and I do often, lol!) but even when I am in my "bad place" (again, I go there often) I still have *something* else to talk about.

You are moving in a week - that is thrilling! Do you have your lists made for what you will need? Have you looked up creative and inexpensive decorating tips for the style of home you want to create? How about hitting some thrift stores for stuff you might need? I always wanted a sleigh bed but they are so expensive. I found an old sleigh bed frame at the Goodwill for 50.00. I spent about 50.00 on paint and materials to refinish it and its gorgeous! How about going on a hunt to see if you can find the items your daughters need and see if they can be spruced up so they are like new.

Something? Anything?

[davidswife]

Kev,

You'd better listen to CityGirl and me. If 25 gets wind of this crap, she'll kick your a$$ - and you'll deserve it.

Now man up!

Stacy

[K4D]

Good point. Well, today I just kind of looked over some reports we will be doing once we get full access to stuff. I had a banana for lunch. I came back to where I am staying and ate some food.

Yes, moving day is coming quickly. I won't be able to get any beds til mid May. But I can sleep on the couch and the girls can bring their sleeping bags.

I compiled a list of somethings I will take from the house last night.

I'm going to do some more reading tonite and praying. I'll be honest, the closer I get to this move, the less I am looking forward to being alone. I guess thats why GAL is supposed to help. I'm trying to study and learn more. I hope it pays off career wise.

I guess my girls are doing good. I haven't talked to them today. D7 has a fiend trip tomorrow so I will look forward to hearing how that goes.

Kevin

[orangedog]

Dude!

You've got to get past the "sky is falling" stuff. Do little stuff NOW to make yourself feel better.

I didn't even know about db'ing but the first thing I did after the bomb was thought of stuff that made me feel good. I knew that a crisis on top of depression was going to test everything I had so I decided I was going to do everything the opposite of what I typically wanted to do when I was depressed.

Instead of staying inside, eating, shunning company, not exercising, etc. I hit the pool and treadmills, told myself no beer or wine, setup a Friday night concert event with friends, bought some new shirts, went thru my contact lists and contacted people I hadn't seen in a while, stocked up my favorite flavors of tea and chocolate, planned out all my clothes for the week and made sure all my shirts were perfectly pressed, shoes polished, etc. Cleaned my car. ...All in the first week! I've continued doing most of this stuff (and developed a bad chocolate dependency but that's another story.)

When I moved out of the bedroom, once again I did little stuff to make me feel better. I wasn't about to sleep on the couch with an old blanket. No way! I bought all new stuff for the upstairs bed and set up the room nice (and now she wants to steal my comforter heh heh). I keep the room and my clothes looking great.

All this was for nothing more than to for ME to feel simple pleasure. Yeah, I was still sad about the overall sitch, but this little stuff really helped liven things up and made me look and feel better and act more confident - at home, at work, with friends, etc.

Start with this little stuff first, then start looking forward.

[K4D]

Its a journey I am mentally trying to prepare for. BTW, when I am at work and things have been slow so far, I post from my blackberry phone, not their computer. I don't log into anything on their computers.

Kevin

[K4D]

I just checked 25's post list. She is making the rounds. I might be next. lol. Ok, better cheer up. YAY!!! Moving this weekend. Awesome!!! Gonna have my own place!!! YAY!!!

Girls are going to love it!!! They are looking forward to decorating their room together!! WOOHOO!!!

I'm going to be living the bachelor life. YAY!!!!!

I have a job at the moment!!! Awesome!!!

I will have something to eat!!!

Kevin

[davidswife]

Kev,

Not the "bachelor life" - that speaks of dating, which you are NOT ready to do for many reasons.

How about the "awesome dad life"

Stacy

[JayMan]

Ok, better cheer up. YAY!!! Moving this weekend. Awesome!!! Gonna have my own place!!! YAY!!!
Girls are going to love it!!! They are looking forward to decorating their room together!! WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to be living the bachelor life. YAY!!!!!
I have a job at the moment!!! Awesome!!!
I will have something to eat!!!

Kevin, I'm fairly sure this was sarcastic, but it would've been perfect.

It is so telling that when you can't talk about W, the best post you can come up with is "hi". There is a huge sucking void in your life, and it is a giant black hole called W.

I will tell you that being apart from her while you were in Florida definitely improved you - being back I have seen you slide back down the hole.

You moving out is the best thing you can do. I have completely stopped contacting my W - maybe 3-4 times in a month, and about the kids, letting dog out because I got stuck at work. I even tried to call neighbors to let the dog out before I called her. NOT seeing her every day has made things so much better. I structure my days so that I don't have to see her.

I've told you this before: detaching is agonizing at first, but it gets better every day. I'm starting to notice things again, focus on my kids, get invested in my work, feel good about working out, and so on.

I respect your "one marriage" belief, and I support it. I'm 31, and I have no plans to ever date again, let alone get married, and it's not fun to envision a single life. But God is enough.

Personally, I'd like to see a little more than lip service to this "God" thing. Here is what I did, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I turned everything over to God, completely. I told Him that I screw things up, so it's his mess to handle, and I believe that he can do a much better job than I. At first, it was lip service for me, then I started not allowing myself to have those "theoretical conversations" in my head. When I started them, I caught myself, and turned it into prayer - prayer for wisdom, discernment, peace, and blessing. Anytime I thought about W and I, I stopped myself, and turned THAT into prayer for a friend or family member - someone in need.

I realize you're just now trying to get through 24 hours without mentioning W, so maybe we'll just make this a goal?

[K4D]

DW,

I didn't mean the dating life. I just meant the single life. The best dad life. During my off weeks I will figure out what to do with myself.

Wow, I was tired tonite. I fell asleep right after my last post. But I just woke myself up so I can get back to sleep tonite. I haven't slept well the past couple of nights.

I think I am feeling a little stressed about things.

Kevin

[K4D]

JonF,

Good post. It worries me to be single the rest of my life. But I am turning this one over to God the best I can. I make a mess to when I try to get involved. And all my efforts to help out are just torn apart anyways.

I don't have contact for the most part unless it has something to do with the kids or we are switching off.

It is telling that I could not think of anything else to talk about. I guess when I have been focused on one thing for so long, I lose track of what else is going on in the world. I only know about the swine flu because my coworker was telling me about it. I couldn't tell you who my Dallas Cowboys drafted this past weekend. Thats a first for me.

I have been thinking about this apartment the closer I get and hoping since I have a contract job that it holds out and goes perm or I get a better job that is perm.

I'm also trying to make sure I am studying the right stuff and not wasting my time with something that won't help me.

I agree with the prayer stuff. I say I am putting it in Gods hands, but then I still continue to pray for it all day long each day which I guess is not really putting it in his hands or at least not really showing faith that he has remembered. And he is God. Of course he remembers. He knows what you need before you even ask. But he tells you to ask anyways. But he also tells you not to ramble in your prayer. And I ramble silently.

I will try and apply your prayer advice.

Kevin