I hope you and your wife get back together...it is obvious you love her very much. I hope you make SMSgt...great pay raise and will add about $800-1K monthly to your retirement, not bad at your age and it will add u. Two MSgt's retired pay takes alot of stress off of both of you.
If you have not already...you need to hope for the best and prepare for the storm that is coming.
If you have any concrete proof of her infidelity, preserve it! Maintain several copies, burn emails to CD and print copies. Evidence has this curious way of disappearing once push comes to shove.
Close any joint accounts - including bank, credit card, investment, and HELOC. Anything with both your names on it that she can drain money out of or run up the balance on needs to be closed. If you have any money saved use it to pay off your bills (car, credit cards, store cards, start a college fund for your daughter) before you have to split it...no court will fault you for getting your family out of debt. DO THIS NOW BEFORE SHE DOES!
Document time spent with the kids - what you do and when. Do this is a handwritten log...just because you are in FL doesn't mean she will get custody and at her age your daughter will have some say in where she stays...your wife moving out will not look good to the court.
Keep working on yourself...time with your daughter, church, improve your house, keep it clean, PT (the AF is really pushing this...try to get a 100), degree.
Be polite to your wife and avoid contact...the affair needs to end or nothing you do will work. If you could get proof that would at least convince your commander and shirt you could really change the dynamics of this...not sure if your wife told you the "entire truth" about the other affair...although I am sure it happens for a Lt Col to get an LOR for adultry and then make Col is unusual even for the Guard. Doesn't matter other than for the entertainment value to read.
If you could afford a PI that could get you proof it would help. I do not want to see you sitting out in her apartment parking lot...not good for you in many ways. Slow down and expect nothing to change until this affair is over. You will then have to decide what you want to do...you may decide you do not want her her by then...
I hope you and your wife get back together...it is obvious you love her very much. I hope you make SMSgt...great pay raise and will add about $800-1K monthly to your retirement, not bad at your age and it will add u. Two MSgt's retired pay takes alot of stress off of both of you.
I hope so too, both of these, that we get back together and that I make SMSgt however I am not holding my breath on either.
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If you have not already...you need to hope for the best and prepare for the storm that is coming.
Oh, I am and I finally got caught up on my sleep. Just got a phone call from the wife. She wanted to come over and spend time with my daughter. I told her we were on the way out the door to go feed the birds and see a movie. She said well, when am I going to get to spend some time with her? I said, actually this is first time that I can remember that you have tried. She said well, I was trying to give her space. Ok, what do you want? She said I want to have her every weekend. I said no, that's not fair, that's the only quality time there is. You can have her every other weekend. She said well, you have her through the week. I said, I know, I take care of her through the week and there is little quality time with work and school. She said, you can't keep my D from me. I said, I haven't tried to. If you want to see D, then all you have to do is talk to me. She said you don't have custody. I said, are you threatening me, seriously? She said no. I said, ok, look, if you want to spend time w/ D then let me know. I haven't tried to keep her from you. I said, is this the way it's going to be? Are you going to start being nasty with me? Cause I'm not going to have a conversation w/ you if you think you're going to talk with me that way. She backpedaled very quickly and asked how she was being nasty. She then asked if I would give her a call later after we got home so that she could come over and spend time w/ D. Sure, no problem.
Whew--tried to set a boundry. Not sure how successful I was.
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Close any joint accounts - including bank, credit card, investment, and HELOC. Anything with both your names on it that she can drain money out of or run up the balance on needs to be closed. If you have any money saved use it to pay off your bills (car, credit cards, store cards, start a college fund for your daughter) before you have to split it...no court will fault you for getting your family out of debt. DO THIS NOW BEFORE SHE DOES!
Still have a joint account but majority of assets have been transferred to individual account. She's paying off all the bills. I only have a car payment and mortgage. D already has a college fund that I'm paying for.
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Be polite to your wife and avoid contact...the affair needs to end or nothing you do will work. If you could get proof that would at least convince your commander and shirt you could really change the dynamics of this...not sure if your wife told you the "entire truth" about the other affair...although I am sure it happens for a Lt Col to get an LOR for adultry and then make Col is unusual even for the Guard. Doesn't matter other than for the entertainment value to read
I have been polite with some minor screwups. I do need proof, that would be nice. I'm not going to use my hard earned money to try and catch her. And you may be right about the wife, she's lied about everything else--who knows when she is telling the truth.
Just playing it by ear right now. We'll have to see what happens next. Hopefully a good guy will catch a break.
Thanks again for your inputs!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Just got a phone call from the wife. She wanted to come over and spend time with my daughter. I told her we were on the way out the door to go feed the birds and see a movie. She said well, when am I going to get to spend some time with her? I said, actually this is first time that I can remember that you have tried. She said well, I was trying to give her space. Ok, what do you want? She said I want to have her every weekend. I said no, that's not fair, that's the only quality time there is. You can have her every other weekend. She said well, you have her through the week. I said, I know, I take care of her through the week and there is little quality time with work and school. She said, you can't keep my D from me. I said, I haven't tried to. If you want to see D, then all you have to do is talk to me. She said you don't have custody. I said, are you threatening me, seriously? She said no. I said, ok, look, if you want to spend time w/ D then let me know. I haven't tried to keep her from you. I said, is this the way it's going to be? Are you going to start being nasty with me? Cause I'm not going to have a conversation w/ you if you think you're going to talk with me that way. She backpedaled very quickly and asked how she was being nasty. She then asked if I would give her a call later after we got home so that she could come over and spend time w/ D. Sure, no problem.
Whew--tried to set a boundry. Not sure how successful I was.
Thanks very much for the compliment. I honestly don't know what else to do other than taking the high road.
That's exactly how I feel. I refuse to allow myself to be dragged down to her level, but sometimes I feel like I'm containing an inferno inside. AFWAW, keep your head high.
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MIL called yesterday and said that she asked wife about if the OM was still gone. Wife told her Mom that she wasn't going to talk about OM to her or me anymore--so, I have to assume the worst and believe that she is back in contact w/ OM.
My MIL has been enormously supportive of me, and my W also refuses to discuss anything regarding our separation or the OM with her. Amazing how the WAW avoids discussion with those who would point out how what they're doing is wrong, and will embrace those who support them. AFWAW, you said some of your W's friends are saying she's better off with OM. I am amazed how some of my W's friends actually support her affair. How does that happen? I thought these people were my friends too.
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If you wanted to give some guilt I'm sure you could find a way.
In the past if I tried to lay any guilt on her, she would tear into me with the standard WAW script. ...Our marriage was a mistake... you were a bad husband... I haven't loved you for years... how could you possibly expect me to be a good wife while I was living in such misery... etc.
It's remarkable how they try to convince themselves that they were perfectly within their rights to have an affair. It's all your fault.
She just left. We got back from the movie and she asked if I would give her a call. So I did. She said oh, you're back already? I said yes, are you coming over? She said sure, I'll be over in a bit. Ok, D is swimming right now, we'll be outside. So, she came and was very nice, no R talk. She did ask me if I still liked her? I said, sure. I tried the cat thing you talked about, you know don't act interested but be polite when spoken too, etc. She seemed to want to talk to me more when I did that. Interesting, interesting, I did not pursue at all. At one point, I caught her checking out my bod. We hung out for a little over an hour and then she wanted to show me some videos on the computer. Not my D, me. They were funny and I laughed. She went into the bedroom to change and I got up and started getting busy cooking dinner(I remember, women like busy men). On the way out, I didn't get a hug or kiss. As a matter of fact I positioned myself in the kitchen so she didn't have the opportunity to move in for one. I did notice that she was a lot more respectful towards me maybe due to telephone conversation? I don't know. All I know is I felt better acting this way then pursuing. At least my heart isn't tore up after this visit. And if this doesn't work, I will be using this technique for the next Mrs. AF--just kidding.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
AFW - You're going to find this either funny or just plain weird. My best GF and I had this trick... If you REALLY wanted to check out a male's bod, we'd throw something on the ground so they'd have to bend over to pick it up! Ha!
Sorry, just brought back an old memory!
You're DOING SUPERB! Send some of that my way! How was W with D13?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
AFW - You're going to find this either funny or just plain weird. My best GF and I had this trick... If you REALLY wanted to check out a male's bod, we'd throw something on the ground so they'd have to bend over to pick it up! Ha!
Sorry, just brought back an old memory!
You're DOING SUPERB! Send some of that my way! How was W with D13?
YOU'RE BAD!!! W was ok but D thought she was rude at one point and I agreed w/ D. W said something to effect of D won't get this video. She tried to whisper it to me and D overheard. Hurt her feelings. Oh well, W is gonna regret a lot of this one day. Say she does go through w/ the divorce and D and I move to another state. Life will totally change for D and me. Wife will have no input for D's upbringing. That's one regret that I know she will have a hard time with. I was thinking of something. She wanted D every weekend--does that mean OM is gone? Don't know, can't help but wonder. We'll see what happens next.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Random musing here, but I was watching that movie, March of the Penguins with the D a little while ago and I couldn't help but see some parallels in the behavior of the Emperor Penguins and the WAWs. These penguins march down as couples and the female lays a solitary egg, then she splits to go get food and the male stays behind to keep the egg warm until it hatches, while the female heads out to feed.
As I was watching it, my D says to me "See, penguin dads get left behind with the kids, too." I remember smiling at her comment, but it made me think that nature may be one small component of the WAW psychology.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
