I always read, cant say much usually but today after reading your last few posts, how things happen remind me of how things were 2-3 months before H said he wanted to come back. Looking at your sitch as an outsider, I see things -despite of OM/OP etc etc- I think you two are moving closer to each other. K
This week is going to be tough - especially after such a great day out with H and his class...His teacher is such a smart woman...I'm sure I was invited along cos she knew that H would be off away for a week and that would give me an opportunity to spend a day with him...and not for my entertaining abilities!!!
The woman I have seen over the past few months has been my W; funny, kind, gorgeous, vivacious...but OM is still there and there with much presence...
Its a tough set of circumstances to deal with - but what doesn't kill me...makes me a stronger person!???
And certainly has made me start to deal with my life in an altogether more positive frame of mind! Weird!!!
Well, got back this afternoon from a FABULOUS 3 days in The Lakes with H - we camped, canoed (x 2) landed on islands in the middle of Derwent Water, played football, saw ospreys, looked at the Castlerigg Stone Circle...etc etc
H has now found a new interest - in canoeing - we hired a Canadian Canoe yesterday and today - and I managed to teach him how to handle it pretty well! We went through the J stroke, the sweep and the draw and if I might say - he ended up pretty good at all of them!!! All in 2 x 3 hour trips out...Yah!!!! I'll post some photos when I can on F B.
Struggling today...had H yesterday afternoon and overnight...a couple of things he said tells me that he and W slept over at OMs on Sunday eve - and that he's there again this eve for a bbq...
I'm hurt and angry - hurt for me - that I can deal with - but angry for my S - and its taking everything in me not to blow up. I'm trying to deal with it calmly for him so that he can deal with it calmly for himself.
But in 2 years - the last 24 hours have been some of the worst.
Sorry Simon, this kind of things can get you off balance, that's for sure. Try and not dwell on it. It is what it is. Have you talked about protecting H from OPs presence at least for a while? I guess it is a bit too late for that now but maybe you should talk to your wife about it when you get the chance? How is your son reacting to the relationship? What does he tell you? If you son is your only concern try to find out if he likes the OM and if he treats him nicely. There isnt much else you can do about it. xxx K
Thanks K - I'm trying hard to separate my pride and hurt from doing the right thing for H...the two are not the same - thank goodness I can at least manage to see that. I don't want to be a DAM and use the situation to try to manipulate or control my W - she needs to do what she needs to do...and not only that she has a right to do it.
And I don't want my hurt cloud my S's reading of the situation or way in which he reacts to his mum - he needs to continue to see my W as the wonderful, warm, loving mother she is - despite the choices I hate seeing her make...
My C would kill me to say this, but the only way I had found to cope with that and many other things, was to numb myself out. I am not sure it is healthy but think of what they do when you have surgery. They give you medication to numb you out so the first severe post surgery waves of pain are managable. Then progressively the reduce the medication because the patient can handle the intensity of the pain. I hope it makes some sense. I am sorry Simon. Believe me, I have an idea how what you face feels. This too will pass. xxx K
Hey Simon.. I'm sorry that you are facing this, that W seems to be spending more time with OM AND H... I dont know what to advise. You have done so much to be there for her and show her you regret how you were in the past. It seemed she was turning to you more and more recently, for help and advice.. but, do you get any feeling for where she is at? Do mutual friends or inlaws or anyone give you clues? Or do you not ask, or do not have mutual connections?
Did yuo do anymore with my suggestion to book some DB help? You seem to be in a bit of a stale mate right now.
Also, how would your W react if she knew you were starting to explore other options? I dont mean date (anymore than I can, I cant).. but a coffee, or lunch out with some female company would do you good and you deserve to have someone want to spend time with you, afterall...
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
We have lots of mutual friends - or did...I have assiduously avoided talking to them about this...W and H live in a pretty close knit community and I don't want to compromise him in any way...or them...
On the DB Coach front...I'm still not confident enough with my finances to get a CC to pay...I'm still reeling from the financial implications of essentially keeping 2houses running!
