It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

Arrghhh.

Hit a pothole but I think I did my best to not become a B*tch, but I am aggravated I guess.

On Sunday after a few convo's here and there with H...he called me to say stomache not good full on problem on the back end and feeling like the front end may result in a problem too.

Problem is he has to fly at midnight....( A 9 HOUR FLIGHT) he then does blow the front end.... (he hasn't done that in years... so I know it's bad) but continues on to work anyway. Complaining alot about how his stomach hurts.

So, before takeoff he calls and here's the convo:

M: How is your tummy issue
H: The same
M: I don't think you should go because what if it gets worse
H: It's fine
M: Well, I don't think vomiting and runs is fine
H: I have no choice, it's my job, they are 100percent depending on me.
M: Well, if your sick .. your sick... it's a shame that the cargo co. depends on one pilot... they shouldn't put themselves in that situation.
H: (he's pissed of now).. I have to go
M: Ok..well be safe and maybe go to the ER when you land for some fluids...you'll be dehydrated.

Later on he text me:
H: NOt a very nice feeling Sandycay. You have to trust my judgement. It's not like there's anyone to cover for me. and just becaue I have a tummy ache is not a good enoug reason to cancel 100 percent of this airline's operations.

Have a good night.


WTF.... I text him back that was not my intent... but he never answered ...the tone of the email was not very nice... and then to not answer my text and fly off ... totally out character... The moaning and groaning he was doing for 5 hours preflight is now just a tummy ache....

I can see where he says I don't listen in the conversation... as soon as he said I am fine .... I should have dropped it... but the truth is ... he wasn't fine... he was sick... but he's stubborn and knew a lot was riding on him last night.

I just want to say that there are 3 to 4 Pilots on board ... my H is the representative (instructor pilot) from the manufacturer of the plane that is helping their pilots out. Their pilots are checked out on the plane and have 1000's of hours so it's not like he was jeopardizing anyone. (I Just wanted to be clear, in case anyone is wondering,)

Anyway, H calls this morning.. still testy in his voice... doesn't mention it (of course) doesn't acknowlege my text of explaining the reason i said it was becaue I cared, that's all. I said that I was sorry if it felt that I wasn't trusting his judgement.
So, I mentioned it... conversation got a little tough.... he said it came across as bitching.... I say but I don't undertand how he can get aggravated when someone shows they care .... Blah...so I said well, I am feeling pretty beat up by now, I have been accused of bitching when I thought I was showing care... I don't know what to do... I can't win.

H: Your not gonna win this one cause your wrong.
I know at this point I need to end the A-B conversation and C my way out of it..so I just say We need to end the conversation now and I will talk to you later.

H: Later and hangs up.

SIGHS.... I hate days like this... I didn't sleep well last night. Now, comes the problem....or issue... next time we talk ... I know that I will have to put on the happy and pretend like it never happened and all will be well.....

I ponder how long it will take me before that's my true attitude that things need to roll off my back because right now it's a struggle and always has been. Otherwise, I will at some point implode..... please pray for me on this one. This is a needed skill for me. Any ideas?

[Kalni]

sandycay,
These things happen between couples, between very happy couples. Right now you are at a sensitive phase, re-establishing connection, trust, intimacy. Please try and be realistic and dont blow anything out of proportion. And IMO, I think -which is perfectly normal- you are afraid to voice your concerns or disliking of his attitude, reactions not to provoke anger. You need to try and look at things from a healthy position, act as if and "solve" little arguments with compromise, not by shoving your emotions down, you will build up anger and resentment again.

You are doing fine, things like that will/can always happen.
xxxx
K

Thanks for the support

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Sandy--

Do not become discouraged or down on yourself. Rest in the Lord and he will hold you up and show you the right path to follow. I got this devotional this morning and felt compelled to share it with you:

Loving by Faith

"It’s just over between me and my husband. I just don’t love him. I don’t even think I can love him."

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: It really is possible to love your husband—no matter what. Jesus commanded us to love our enemies. So even if your husband is your worst enemy, Jesus says it’s still possible to love him. How can you do that? We love by faith.

So tell God you can’t love that person, and then ask Him to love that person through you. Loving by faith means that you don’t wait for romantic feelings. Instead, you act according to 1 Corinthians 13. Love is long-suffering; it's kind; it isn't jealous; it's not selfish; it's not rude. It doesn't keep account of wrongs suffered.

Ask God for His love, and then purpose to love that hard-to-love person by faith?

With Seeking Him, I’m Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[sandycay]

sandycay,
These things happen between couples, between very happy couples. Right now you are at a sensitive phase, re-establishing connection, trust, intimacy. Please try and be realistic and dont blow anything out of proportion..
xxxx
K

Thanks for the support

Dearest Maria,

That's the thing that your not prepared for in Piecing. Always waiting for one incident to "cause" a bomb to drop. I believe in my situation that will not happen but I often have the habit of "shooting from the hip and not taking the time to take aim".

That is why I still come here...It gives me place to get perspective but I also get to see the process/progress I am making....

A year and a half ago .... I was not capable of looking within and seeing what I was doing wrong.... but by "journaling" here I can see that. This helps.... as I write down things here it makes it clearer.... like when he said "I'm fine"... it didnt' dawn on me (I wasn't listening) that I should have let it go, but seeing it in writing helps.

Thanks for your nuggets of wisdom... they are appreciated.

[sandycay]

SMW,

Thank you for the devotional. Your words are always very soothing. A special thanks for stopping by my thread and visiting.... it gets lonely over here.. LOL

I am working on the "account of wrongs suffered" thing. I do that internally, but it helps to recognize this and work thru it.

[BobbiJo]

I am glad you are keeping the faith and not giving up. I am sure it is not easy I have no clue how I would actually handle it if my H and I were to ever try and piece things back together. You keep focusing on the positives, you are doing so well!

And re. the H being sick....that is something I would say. I am a "fixer". I want to problem solve. If H says he is sick I say "Go to the doctor/go to bed" stuff like that. He says he has to work, too. Finally I learned and I say "Oh that must suck, hope you get to feeling better"

[sandycay]

Yep Bbbj,

Your right, it's the nurterer (sp) in me.

Things are still a bit off in conversation since "the incident". We seem to have difficulty getting back into the groove of normal couple behavior after a small tiff. Especially when we are both right. LOL

[BobbiJo]

Stubborn much??

Yeah, me too....

[sandycay]

Hi everyone,

Well, it's been one year since that middle of the night phone call that led me to here. I certainly thought when I went to bed that night, my marriage was over.

Piecing is not easy but the difficult times are fewer and further between. Do I still have trust issues? No, not really. But I do pay attention to marraige better and I am trying to listen better. I've learned I have NO control what anyone else does in this world.(except for my kids..LOL)

My H and I both wonder if or when the "little reminders" will go away. They do get further apart. Sometimes they are even funny. Like when they came on the TV and said there was one reported case of Swine Flu in Spain. I folded my hands in prayer (jokingly) and looked towards the heavens. I was joking of course, but what he doesn't know is that her nickname between my friends and I was : SOW He kinda laughed (we have a dry sense of humor)

This has made me "think outside of the box". It has also made me look deep into myself. Something I never did, because of where my childhood led me as an adult. But I have done that now and take fault at my parts in the breakdown of our marriage. I really try to look into myself first when I get p1ssed off at the H. I used to just blame him for everything. Not anymore, now I see what stresses me out and try to keep that in mind and not just blow because " I can".

I feel like for the first time I really know my H and myself on a deeper level. I felt we knew each other pretty well but I was wrong.

I thought to myself last year, if I made it to a year reconciled then I wouldn't need to post anymore. So, I wrestle that decision. I would miss you guys, and it helps me sort things out things on paper.

You guys have kicked me in the @ss as needed and I appreciate it. You guys are so gracious as most of the people that post to me aren't even in piecing! Your support and encouragement have helped me become a better person.

My family is blessed by you, even if 3/4's of them dont' even know it.


Thank You and Love Always,

L

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Sandy--

I am so proud of you--while I know it has not been easy, even as recently as a few weeks ago, you have stuck to your convictions. Please do not leave. You have a lot to offer others on the board (like me!!) You may feel you do not need to post, but you are needed here.

Hang around, it is time to pay it forward.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW