MLC Maybe?

[peacetoday]

That was funny!
they are usually of NO help
peace

[Jerri]

The electrician was a woman - LOL - was pretty surprised myself when I opened the door. She was good though!!!!

[Jerri]

Well had a rough weekend. I left for DC to visit my son on Saturday. Had been gone only an hour when H showed up. Friend was dogsitting and had to let him in He took all his clothes, and a bunch of other stuff. He brought BIL in with him - couldn't even come alone even knowing I wouldn't be home....
I was furious and stupidly texted him - told him he was gutless that he couldn't even face me. Then he got really nasty, texting back that everything was my problem
"I don't know what is going through your head but as far as I can remember I have paid in full for everything in that house so I hope you don't think for a minute that you have some sort of entitlement.... the ball is in you court as to how this is going to end... it can be good or bad it's up to you....It's in your best interest.... you are the one with the problem not me"

And I'm afraid I rose to the bait and texted back that he was the one with the serious problem and that he need to research ACOA followed up the MLC. Didn't go over well as he texted back that I needed to "get over myself". Again I took the bait and came back with he was the one who seriously needed to get over "himself" and that I was so over him and done.

The weekend pretty much was horrible - I'd gone their last summer with my H and all I could think of was how happy we'd been. We'd also gone to DC 22years ago so it brought back memories of that too. Ended up spending Saturday night locked in the bathroom crying. My son was upset as he still can't understand what's going on.

I guess I need to consult an attorney this week.

Oh and when I got home I checked to see what he'd taken - the 12 garbage bags of clothes (hey I guess at least I packed them up for him!), his skis, his camera, a bunch of books, tons of tools from the garage and a pressure washer!!!!

[job]

Jerri,
I'm very sorry that your weekend had a downward turn. Yes, you took the bait quite a bit. Now, step back, take a huge breath and move forward.

Many of them do come sneaking around when we are gone to take things. The first thing you need to do is a thorough search of your home to see what else he may have taken. They take very obvious things that you may not think much about until you actually need them again. What about photos or a favorite coffee cup? Look around to see if he took things from his past that meant something only to him.

Okay, I'm going to bite...a pressure washer? Does he need it where he's staying? If not, he took that out of anger and spite. Your journey is just taking off...from this day forward, you will not be dealing w/your normal h. Threats, direct and/or indirect made by you have now made you enemy number one and he will do whatever it takes to ensure that he continues to have control over you.

Protect your assets...do what you must to move money over into account w/just your name, the same applies to credit cards. What about the utilities? Taxes? Jerri, you need to take everything I've said seriously...this guy is now angry at the world and he will lash out at you. Do not goad, threaten or take the bait. When he comes at you, change the subject, leave the room, hang up, just do not sit there and take the bs.

You now must look out for yourself. You are number one and this man has been scooped up by the Mother Ship to become another "pod person" for a long time.

Please take care of yourself.

[Jerri]

Well did another more thorough inventory - he took the hedge trimmer (WTF?????) He lives in Queens - there are no hedges there. He also took the chainsaw and a load of his tools (wrenches, drills, electric saws etc). He also took something of mine - it was a little gizmo that sucked oil out of small engines.

He took some pictures off the wall including a large picture that I gave him for Christmas a couple of years ago. He took a photo of the plane he used to have. Funny enough he didn't take any photos of the children.........

I already had a coaching session schedules with Jody this p.m. so she suggested some methods of damage control. I am going to go back to total NC (should never have taken the bait to begin with but I was so mad that he put my friend in this horrible position).

My assets (such as they are) are already protected.

I don't know where the mother ship is taking him but I don't think it's good........ My friend said he looked absolutely terrible, tired, haggard and generally wasted. I am just so sad that he is doing this to himself and sad that his family are encouraging him in his delusions that this is all my fault.

[Jerri]

Well just received a bunch of texts from H. Saying he came when he knew I wouldn't be there as he didn't want an ugly scene, oh and he didn't want to hurt me any more. Then he went on to say he doesn't "think" he'll be coming back and we should come to an amicable agreement but business isn't great so I need to look for a job. Oh and he'd be willing to meet with me to discuss.
And he wishes me well but had to do this as he couldn't go on any longer.

Now what do I do?

[job]

Jerri,
I posted to you on thread number 2 that you have created.

I also wanted to point out that I wouldn't contact him. Let him simmer in that pot of juices he's created for a while. You just go ahead and contact your lawyer and get your ducks in a row...that doesn't mean you have to do anything just yet, but get ready. Do not share anything about your life or what you discuss w/your lawyer at this time. The less he knows, the better for now.

Now, do a thorough search of your entire house...he's taken other things. As for photos of the kids and you....he may very well not take them w/him at this time.

Oh, one more thing, ask the lawyer about changing the locks on your doors and garage. You need to do this because this pod person will be sneaking back in every so often and stealing things...I do not mean borrowing either.

[sunshinelewis]

Jerri, when this first happened to me several months ago, my xh would sneak back to the house when I was at work. Once he came back and took "silverware"! The dollar store sells forks like 5 or 10 for a $1.lol
He NEVER took anything that was important to him. Left his TOOLS, HIS MOTHERS FUNERAL INFO.(briefcase). NO PICTURES OF HIS MOM OR FAMILY. But he did take a digital photo frame that I had bought him for his birthday. He very angerily said "you bought that for ME, that is mine. It had pictures of me and him together on it along with some of son. I told him I would delete the ones of me off and he got upset and told me NO to leave it alone, it was his. (very childish, like taking a favorite TOY from a child).
When I told him that I would bring his tools to him, (and every man loves his tools, at least mine did. He kept them all neat in his big nice toolbox.), when I offered to bring them to him, he said NO put them in the TRASH or whatever I wanted to do with them. He did take one other picture of son, when son was very young. He also took a "Few" smaller items, like his min. police care he had made. (he was a cop at one time), and very little furniture.

Just wanted to give you a idea of how my xh worked.

My xh doesnt want any contact and I am "very" dark. I had to do this for me.
It still hurts alot at times, but you have to take it day by day.
Trust in GOD, he will make a way. I promise he will.

Hugs,
Renee

[Jerri]

Well the origial attorney I contacted when my h first left wanted a $10,000 retainer! I told him I didn't have any money and that my h had all the money. As it goes the attorney wasn't very pleasant - wanted to know what I wanted out of this situation - thought that would be obvious - financial protection. Needless to say won't be using this guy. So now I'm going to start having to call around. Guess I might have to use a CC.

I did e-mail my h asking him to clarify his text message - did this mean he would no longer be sending his checks home so I can pay the mortgage and household bills? I also asked that seeing as he has determined the marriage is over if he would be filing for divorce. So far I haven't heard a word back. I figure he is going to have to run his reply past his sister.

Also found out he is spending very little time at his appartment in Queens - maybe one night a week. The rest of the time he's driving out to LI to his sisters. So he's practically living with his sister and BIL. This was the man who hated LI did NOT want to live there ever (which is why we moved upstate). He is now commuting three hours one way and one of his complaints against me was that I refused to move closer to the city!!!

He is also not spending as much time at work as he used to - he's leaving early in the day and not going in on Saturdays - so he's neglecting his business as well. Maybe that's why it's not going so well?

[Jerri]

Well still haven't heard a word from him re money. Am waiting to hear from my son as to whether he has checks for me.

I've been wondering - last year my H started going crazy renovating our house. We had agreed that master bathroom and bedroom needed a do-over and that the rug in the family room needed to be taken out. From there he just seemed to go insane, ripped out the entire kitchen (I was happy with the kitchen and there was no need for new anything). Kept on going and did three more bathrooms, and when I say renovating, ripping out all the old stuff, all the floors and buying high end fixtures and fittings. Expensive porclain tile on the floor. I figure the entire process must have cost close to $200,000. In spite of this H still did not want to spend any time here.

Could this crazy attempt to rip out all the old stuff and put in new expensive stuff in the house have been a symptom of the start of MLC? Like a weird kind of makeover?