Keep your chin up! I can only imagine the hurt that you are feeling, but keep in mind that the self pity will only bring you further down. Focus on yourself and what will make YOU happy. Get training for that 5K and try to set an attainable time goal. Hit those tennis lessons and burn off that anxiety and clear those thoughts. I know it doesn't feel like it, but there is a lot out there to keep you going. I have to remind myself of this constantly every day.
I am new to all of this myself, but it looks like you are doing the right things to get through this. You WILL come out of this stronger no matter what the outcome is with the M. Remember that!
M 30 WAW 29 T 15 M 5 ILYBNILWY 3/8/09 Separated 3/14/09
It's alway amazing to me how a night of sleep can make things seem better in the AM. Off the pity party, thanks Making_It, and back to positive thoughts.
Learned today that H found a room to rent and will be leaving the family cabin. See this as a good thing - cabin free for the rest of the family to retreat to. Cheaper than an apt so more likely he'll follow through on paying his bills. No lease so if things turn around, it'd be easier for him to move back home.
First day that H's paycheck wasn't in the account (b/c he moved it away somewhere). I thought I handled it well.. just a short text acknowledging the change and if nothing was pending I'd cancel his debit card, etc. He wrote back "yeah", whatever that means... but I think I'm back to doing a good job of being friendly but unemotional. I have to protect myself and the kids, but I don't have to be a witch about it. Just friendly and factual.
What I'd give for H to have a real conversation... ask how I am, talk about the kids or life or anything... 8 days since last face-to-face and it will be much longer I suspect. That's the hardest part, I think... once you start practicing the GAL, "what if", etc. you can't help but hope for quick results. And they aren't coming, and probably won't anytime soon. That part stinks. I want my quick fix! :-)
Good day. Saw my C for the 1st time. After giving my HX, I thought wow, what a sad situation! Haha! But it was good - she gave me some breathing exercises, ideas to stop obsessing when I spiral out of control that way. Still anxious about H and what it means that he got a room to rent. But can't control that. Just me. C suggested possible depression, anti-depr rx? We'll see how it goes. Have to remember to eat. Overall, good day! Plan to run or ski tmrw. Need some exercise, and it makes me feel so much better.
Happy Easter! Even though I didn't hear from H, and seems it will be a long while before I do, I focused on the kids and being with my family. Sometimes, and usually mid-afternoon, I let negative thoughts creep in... like what H's doing and why he doesn't contact me or the kids and what that means... Wonder if he's "in love"..? Futurizing, I know... and I can't do anything about those factors.
But mostly, I'm doing a pretty good job keeping my focus on what I can control - that's me, and me alone. Spending time with family today was nice, and I made some banana bread and spaghetti sauce. I'd love to have a B&B someday so I like to try different bread recipes, etc.
Didn't run this weekend, so will try to do that tmrw. Always helps my PMA. Wishing for a good week, and praying for patience!
Just b/c he doesn't call, doesn't mean much about what he's doing or thinking. Don't mind read. But It does mean you don't have a h available to you and that sucks. Your needs are not being met, oh YEAH...you have them too.
So back to YOU and the kids...how are you all doing? Aside from him? How about the GAL program?
Keep on keeping on...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks for pointing that out. I shouldn't try to mind read, and yes, it does suck! But that's life sometimes and that which doesn't kill ya...
The kids and I are doing pretty well, thanks for asking! I've been exercising regularly. Talking with my support system as needed, but quite a bit less than I needed to in the first couple weeks. The kids haven't wanted to talk much about H leaving and the lack of contact... I ask occasionally if they're OK, but mostly we're just moving on with life. Basketball games and homework in the evenings, making lunches in the AM and just trying to stay committed to our routines. I'm not holed up in my bedroom at night anymore, talking with friends/sisters, and have been journaling and even starting a novel. It's a romance novel though that my BF gave me. I think maybe I should try a mystery, John Grisham or something. The book idea came from my C - she asked me what was something I do that causes me to lose track of time. A fictional novel was my first response, and I haven't read a good book for probably 2 yrs. So, that was a great recommendation and I'm enjoying the time.
One thing my H and I did in the summer was mountain bike. I've always struggled with being in good enough shape to pedal uphill on the trails (downhill is SO much easier ). I'm working on my running and biking, and have no expectations that H will ride with me this summer. But if I'm in good shape I'll have more fun when I go with friends, and feel better wearing shorts, so it's all good!
Will be going for that pedicure soon - it's almost sandal weather around here once the snow melts.
That was perfect question because it reminds me of what's going well, what I can and have been able to control, and staying focused on all of that gives me the PMA I need and DESERVE!
I got a text from H today that he was going to get the rest of his stuff from the house. Came home tonight and it's so strange... he found a place to stay, so it makes since he'd take his clothes, etc. but that doesn't really prepare you to come home and find the entire clothes rod empty except hangers, books and glasses, papers missing. It's like the Grinch visited while I was at work.
I can't help feeling like we just grew further apart. I know detaching is the only hope I have to get him back, but this is incredibly HARD! I want to beg and plead with him to love me again, to give us another chance and to not leave me.
But I can't control any of that, and I'm not going to let him see how much I'm hurting. I continue to pray for strength, for patience, and for God to work in H's life. I sent a quick text tonight to see if he was still taking a TV, and he wrote back he'd get it later. Said have a good night, and he said "u too". I don't understand how he can go from being my partner and best friend to such a cold man seemingly overnight.
I miss him so much.
The kids aren't home tonight which is good. I'll be stronger tomorrow. I don't even know what to say now since he's still not talking to them. Before I told them he went to the cabin to think, and he didn't think he could come home right now. I guess that's still the sitch except he's staying with a friend instead of the cabin, but having his clothes, etc. moved out makes it seem so much more real.
I guess there's a ? for the board - any suggestions on what to say to teenagers when their stepdad won't communicate. Just that we are still having some problems and it has nothing to do with them...?
as I suspected, I feel better today. Just gotta keep on going... enuf with the self-pity and poor me attitude. Explained to my D tonight that stepdad found room to rent, and moved more things out. She's very angry. His been unresponsive to her text msgs. I noticed he took his wall of ski photos, etc. but left anything with me or the kids in the photos. What message is he trying to send? I cleared the rest off before the kids came home so they wouldn't see that.
FIL has been emailing with me but staying fairly neutral. Understands H needed a change but sad that it's impacted so many.
So my question is, do I let FIL I'm not giving up, just giving H his space.. and getting on with my life; or do I need to convey that we're moving on and not talk about how I still love H and hope he can work thru his stuff. I suspect it's the first theory, but any input would be appreciated.
Saw my C today. She thinks I'm very strong, like a rock. I don't feel that way inside, especially when something happens like Wed with H moving his things out. But I do agree I'm getting stronger. Less pitiful and just trying to make the most of each day. Home alone this wknd but will try to stay busy. No plans tonight but pretty busy the rest of the weekend.
I'm feeling more patient these days... know H has to work thru his stuff on his own. Whether it's an A or not, he's not communicating with me and won't let me in. So, I move on, take care of myself and the kiddos. Hope H will talk more later and we'll see where it goes. I continue wearing my ring, will remain faithful to my H and just carry on.
My C's advice today in terms of GAL was to accept whatever invitations I receive to do things. Said yes to everything unless there's a conflict, and see where the activities take me. Good advice I think.
Emails from FIL last night. Seems to have some insight into's H's changes. Wants to get together but not say too much. I think I'm open to that, and will try to just listen without getting defensive as much as I can. If he'll share more of where H is in his journey, that'd be good. Getting a clear sense that part of it is a need for independence. Felt controlled at home and needs to just do what he wants when he wants. I responded to FIL that I know he's independent and needs this space, and I'm giving it to him. Just moving ahead and GAL.
I dropped off some things at H's work today. Was hoping to see him to practice my cheerful attitude, etc. and thought I looked pretty darn good but he was busy with customers. Left some mail with a buddy, and left. He texted a little later "thanks'. Couldn't use fewer words to respond, but used less letters with "sure". Haha! It's so hard to demonstrate that I'm doing well, which I really think I am, when we're separated. I have so little interaction with him and I can't just fabricate reasons to contact him.
Guess I just have to remain positive and patient. But this is not easy!!
). I'm working on my running and biking, and have no expectations that H will ride with me this summer. But if I'm in good shape I'll have more fun when I go with friends, and feel better wearing shorts, so it's all good!