see a L and don't freak out about doing it. Just see what your options are, you don't HAVE to DO anything but pay for an hour, or less...but dang, know your options.
Knowlege is power and it's super important you protect yourself now. ASAP really.
Keep up the good work!! (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I agree. You must protect yourself. Again, it may feel strangly selfish, but it is a must! You don't know what he may do and unfortunately, you can't trust him at this point.
BTW, good job in what you told BF.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It does feel selfish, but knowledge is power... I'll try to find a L asap. Thx.
I had a super good day today! I was going to go ski, but decided to take care of some personal biz instead. Texted H re: some cabin stuff since he's still up at our family cabin, and think I sounded cheerful but detached. He responded favorable and will take care of the water meter stuff. I went to big D (Denver) to watch my S17 win their basketball tourney, and then the strangest thing happened...
I had apologized to my XH#1 yesterday b/c I have realized during this current S how much my actions during my first M hurt my XH. I just wanted him to know how sorry I was for hurting him. He was really cool about it yesterday, and today he and his W invited me to dinner and dessert tonight after the games. They were so gracious, and we celebrated my D16's 16th bday together.
I think it's a great example of how couples that D can bury the hatchet and rise above it all. I feel like I'm really growing as a person through this S. Mending fences and offering apologies where I need to. The main person I want to apologize to and work on a better future with is my H, but until he's ready to talk to me about any of that, I see this an an opportunity to get myself straight and strengthen relationships. My kids seemed really happy to have me over at XH's and that we could celebrate without worrying about who's night it was or who's year it was to have the BD. Pretty incredible IMHO.
I just wanted to say that I have gained a lot by reading this thread. I am very new to a similar situation and don't know where to even start. I will certainly follow this thread.
M 30 WAW 29 T 15 M 5 ILYBNILWY 3/8/09 Separated 3/14/09
It is good when D people can bury the hatchet, but it usually takes some time before that happens. Usually there are some hurt and raw feelings for a while. But, maybe in time. When children are involved, it sure makes it better. For a time though, it probably will not be easy street. However, if the people involved want to badly enough, they can get through it without trying to tear each others throats out.
Glad you had a good day and hope you have several more. It helps us get through those rough bumps in the road.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Quick update: Things are going well. No contact from H since texts re: cabin on Sunday and I'm doing okay with that. Placing my faith in God to take care of me and watch over H. My D16's bday was Mon. Don't think H contacted her, which is sad, but she didn't mention it so I didn't either. I think he probably forgot, stress? FIL and SIL are stopping by tonight with a gift. Will be cheerful, demonstrating I'm doing fine and GAL. Also looking for a C but it's hard to get anyone to call me back. Think I'm doing all right though.
The amends was a spiritual LEAP for you and Bless you for doing it. Doesn't matter about h or what he's thinking/doing blah blah blah YOU just made God smile and your son got the best B-day gift ever, and YOU GREW!!!
THAT'S A WIN WIN...and the "art" of DBing is seeing these life lessons as victories even if our "other battle" isn't won, the "war within" is won...make sense? The irony of course is that the more amends you make (real ones, not the kind you should not be making but the ones God would want) the better woman you become and ALL your R's improve in some way...sometimes even all the way...
Wacky but true. Good for you.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thx! I really do feel good about making amends where I need to, and it's not centered about H - just me trying to be better.
FIL and and SIL just left. We had a great talk about everything BUT the H - haha! I was so glad to have them over, and our R is definitely improving. It's more honest and real than ever before. FIL brought up H several times but I didn't react with sadness or fear - really FEEL like I can handle this, thanks to lots of prayer, and I think that's coming through. The kids seemed happy to have a little connection to their stepdad too. I can't imagine how that is to have him leave suddenly and not stay in touch, but it was nice they came over to celebrate the b-day and just reconnect.
Of course, part of me hopes he'll tell H that I seem to be doing very well, have dropped the 10 lbs I needed to lose anyway and look marvelous, but that isn't what really matters. I'm improving the R with FIL and SIL and they are really decent people that deserve my respect and love. Period.
Well, my good days were bound to come to an end I suppose.
Went to BF and her H's house today. He works with my H. Everyone at the shop feels like something's going on with the OW and H. Making everyone uncomfortable with their flirting. Both are off work for a long wknd. One of the guys asked OW what she thought she was doing, and didn't mince words - said it's wrong of her to hang out so much with a married guy. Her response was "I'm confused". Think there's definitely something going on - either EA or PA.
I know in my head that I need to stay positive and focus on myself - period. Not what they are doing, not what is going to happen financially if H doens't take care of his portion of the bills starting tmrw, and not what he's doing with OW for 5 days...
But I'm sad. And I'm finding it hard to be patient and faithful tonight. Hopefully better tmrw.
Am going to take tennis lessons and sign up for a 5k run. Trying to stay busy but although I knew there was probably an A going on, it's hitting me hard tonight.
