Puppy, Thanks, I do believe OW's H knows. You are correct what purpose would it serve. I guess I was just wondering where he stood in all of this. Self-serving I suppose?
Me:44 H:40 D:14 S:12 Bomb: 12/08 & 12/04 H moved out 2/09
There's nothing wrong with "self-serving" if it's to fulfill some specific purpose: help you plan a legal defense, help you protect your finances, help you determine INITIALLY if there is an affair going on, help you confirm "no contact" once that's been promised by the cheating spouse.
If it's just to vent, to befriend, or to titillate or -- conversely -- somehow punish yourself to hear the details, I wouldn't recommend it.
That makes sense. I guess I would just be doing it to collaberate stories, not a good idea. I'll drop that one.
Ok, hears a new one, I haven't initiated contact with h for about 3 weeks. So we never talk unless it's about the kids. When he first moved out I said we need to make up a schedule to spend time with the kids. He called me bossy. Ever since it has been just an understanding that he gets them every other weekend. Which is fine with me, it was just never discused. So he texts me today:
Do I get the kids this weekend? Hi how r u?
I replied: I'm good! I was planning on you having the kids, that will be good. We should really make a schedule!
He replied: I just thought every other weekend. do you want me to have them more that is cool.
That is not what I asked, how do I respond to that?
He also gave me a list of weekend she want them this summer, I told him I would check my calendar and get back to him.
Me:44 H:40 D:14 S:12 Bomb: 12/08 & 12/04 H moved out 2/09
You'll never guess. H called me this morning and said he will come to pick up the kids early on Friday so we can sit down and make a schedule. Finally! He was a little P.O.ed that I didn't respond to he last text. Oh well.
My next boundary I need to make with him is I don't want him to bring the kids to the OW house. He did that a few weeks ago and my D did not feel comfortable with it. On the way over to OW house H told D if OW's H comes home we will have to leave! He did not have to put her in that position! By the way my D-14 told me they went over there not my H. And my D told me not to tell H, she was scared he would be mad. She said I don't like to be in the middle. Rightfully so!
How do you think I should tell him that without pissing him off and thinking that our D "narked" on him?
Last edited by Beans; 04/01/0908:43 PM.
Me:44 H:40 D:14 S:12 Bomb: 12/08 & 12/04 H moved out 2/09
How do you think I should tell him that without pissing him off and thinking that our D "narked" on him?
I don't accept your premise. You tell him NO MATTER WHAT he thinks, and you tell him that it's entirely unacceptable! And that if he ever does it again (or if he says/does ANYTHING to your daughter for telling), you will "do whatever is necessary" to protect your children.
On the way over to OW house H told D if OW's H comes home we will have to leave! He did not have to put her in that position! By the way my D-14 told me they went over there not my H. And my D told me not to tell H, she was scared he would be mad. She said I don't like to be in the middle. Rightfully so!
How do you think I should tell him that without pissing him off and thinking that our D "narked" on him?
That is horrible!!! I don't understand your H's thinking (or lack of it) at all! I agree with puppy, who cares if he's pissed off. He's endangering your dd's emotional health!!! Karen
K and Puppy, You are right. I need to let him know even though I know he WILL get angry. Ever since he had his "crazy time" 4 years ago I have had trouble with that. It makes me so mad, because I use to be such a strong person, able to stand up for myself. Now he gets mad and I shut down and take it. NOT GOOD I know. I am becoming stronger each day, I have to remind myself baby steps. Saw my C today, she said basically same thing as you. Expect him to get angry, but detach yourself from his anger, it is his not yours. You are setting a realistic boundary. I can do this, baby steps!
Thanks again!
Me:44 H:40 D:14 S:12 Bomb: 12/08 & 12/04 H moved out 2/09
OW's D-16 called me last night! She said she finally found out my last name to find my number. Told me her dad quit his job in TX to "work" things out. He found out about A from his D. After a week OW kicked him out and filed for D. OW's D said her mom blamed everything on H (surprise). Left the poor guy homeless without a job! D also said mom is acting juvenile (this coming from a teenager)and ignoring her S-10. Ignoring all other family and friends, saying she is finally happy, etc. Same stuff my H. All OW and my H do is spend time with one another. D finally said I had enough and said she was going to move out. Her mom said "whatever". So sad!! OW's D was crying when she told me that. She said that is not what her mom would of said in the past. OW also her H to "watch" the kids for a long weekend. Her and my H holed up in his apt. for 4 days over his birthday! That's so sweet I got a toothache. Whatever, it just sound like our two families lives are so parallel it's unbelievable!
So how long does this "infatuation" stage last and what comes after that? This is not mature love at all!!
They are so much in their own little world. Why can't they see what they are doing is affecting everyone around them! Frustrating to say the least. I'm expecting D papers any time. Since H is following OW's lead in everything else! I'd better go find a lawyer.
Me:44 H:40 D:14 S:12 Bomb: 12/08 & 12/04 H moved out 2/09
And that if he ever does it again (or if he says/does ANYTHING to your daughter for telling), you will "do whatever is necessary" to protect your children.
