It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

A tale of the most meaningful anniversary ever.

So I know we are taking in the Seattle Mariners game and I still have some physical and clothing limitations due to my surgery. I seriously wanted to be 100 Percent but I am not... so I let it go. H helped me figure something out and we got in the car to take off.

I got in and said did you program the GPS and he said "No, can you do it". Now to myself I am thinking he loves to play with that thing and he knows that it still causes discomfort for me to lean up and program it right now. But I kept my mouth shut and leaned up ande pushed the button and it says... Disk not available. Now, I am PO'd because I think WTH its never out of there. So I am thinking the kids have taken it out an have been listening to the CD player. So I am praying that they put it in the glove box where the CD case for it is. So, I open the glove box and there sits a pretty little box with a bow on it! What a surprise! H gave me a beautiful anniversary diamond band. But more than that he pulled out my wedding rings and said "More importantly, I want you to start wearing these again...(looks into my eyes)... and says Please. I am stunned and very happy. We go to the ballpark... he's very attentive to me (regarding my physical limitations)... we had the most amazing adn relaxing time. We headed out to dinner and then he surprised me but swinging by the house to pick up the kids for dinner... (we had already been gone about 7 hours) so he took us for our favorite Crab dinner at Anthonys and then we came home .. got the kids to bed.....and had a GREAT rest of the evening!

I am getting his Anniversary present for him when he is gone on his next trip. I am putting his boat name on the side... it's totally cool and will be a total surprise... But if the boat is gone now he will not be surprised... it's a cool design but he won't spend the money to put it on his boat... so I will.

[Kalni]

sandycay,
that was amazing. I am totally excited about what he did for your anniversary!!! It must feel great!!!
xxxx
K

[sandycay]

I'm all warm and fuzzy about it all. He text me this morning from work out of the blue with a simple lovely "Hi!!"

I am seeing the change over the last couple of weeks. I think he has finally let "it" go. It shows in his smile.

[BobbiJo]

Yay!

[Silent Chrleader]

That is so very cool, sandycay!!! I have tears in my eyes now but they are good tears for a change! I am a little jealous but so happy for you!!!! You are an amazing woman and friend and you deserve all the happiness and joy life has to offer!!!!

WaHoo!!!!! Good on you!!!!

[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]

[sandycay]

Well, H is off for a month long trip for his real job. ( not the Air national Guard job) He is in the final stages of getting his guard job moved from TN to WA state.

It's been a year long process but I think the final paper work is out there. He wants me to travel to Tn in June with him for his Final Flight with the Unit. It will be weird as I have only met 5 or so guys briefly that he has worked with for 8 years. Some of the know of OW but I won't or dont' know who. I wonder what people will that of that... not that it really matters. Just a human physchological question. Do you often wonder what people think of you that know?

Anyway, a little snaffu came up before he left. The company he works for changed cell phone providers and went to Crackberry's so they would be able to receive emails.. get online, etc since they are often out of country and the email and accessing the companies secured web site is sometimes impossible to do in foreigne lands. Well, now we (I) dont have access to phone records anymore.... company HR said something like since the phones are receiving secured emails.. (he works for company with lots of secrets) they don't want people to have access to records. He is still pursing this as he left, He has called the HR person 10 times and emailed her with his request and she has never returned his phone call.

So don't know what to do about that. It makes me feel better when I look at them (which I don't often) and nothing is there.

Maybe it's a good thing to happen now, but I don't like it. I know I don't need to look at it forever but it makes me feel better knowing that I can.

Day 1 on his trip ... I have been chipper on the phone, let him know I was thinking about him (gave a specific thought) and that I miss him (but not in a Whiney way). Only 29 more days to go.

My goal this trip is for 24 hours at time. I will be positive and supportive of his job.

I made sure he got in lots of time for fishing and even an over night trip only a few days before he left. A 180 for me. I pushed him to go almost daily ( he didn't go every day, but I suggested it) because I know he is missing some of the fishing season. I usually go but am not cleared by surgeoun to go out on the boat. The sound can get choppy at times. So I think he was pleasantly surprised that I encouraged him to go without me. 180 for me...

I can't believe it's coming up on the year mark for the middle of the night phone call that changed everything for us.

[sandycay]

Whoooop! I've made it everyday since Tuesday being chipper and upbeat on the phone. I have had to push away the negative thoughts and cheer him on. They have had big welcome type events when the 777 has landed at various airports and in the past I would have been pissy about it. Now I say "Why don't you call me later, go enjoy yourself". I can say at first I could hear it in his voice the hesitation (like he didn't trust it, but I wasn't saying it in the old pissy voice) Guess what? he calls more often and is texting me constantly.

I have initiated most of the hang ups on the phone instead of lingering....

When he was telling me of his hotel room ... Big King bed and at the bottom of that a step down area with a couch and chair facing big windows with a view of the mountains in Santiago.. I was able to truly say "Oh, that must be beautiful". This is where I struggled in the past causing him to feel guilty (Prebomb) because I was envious being stuck at home with two kids. I let that envy/jealousy ruin my old marriage.

Anyway, later I sent him a text saying that it wouldn't be long until I can join him on more trips once the kids are gone to college. He replied .. he is excited about that too .. (we have 6 years till youngest is in college, but remember he flew me to India last summer for two weeks right after we first got back together). I will certainly try to join him on a few between now and then. It's just expensive because we have no family close so we have to fly the kids to stay with family and then my plane ticket so it can get pricey.


26 days to go... but I'll just focus on today's goal. Be supportive of my husband and his job.

[JCJ]

Sandycay,

I am so pleased to hear that I love it when 180s produce results!

[addie]

Sandycay,
I am really happy to hear that things are going well. Keep the positive changes going!

[sandycay]

Arrghhh.

Hit a pothole but I think I did my best to not become a B*tch, but I am aggravated I guess.

On Sunday after a few convo's here and there with H...he called me to say stomache not good full on problem on the back end and feeling like the front end may result in a problem too.

Problem is he has to fly at midnight....( A 9 HOUR FLIGHT) he then does blow the front end.... (he hasn't done that in years... so I know it's bad) but continues on to work anyway. Complaining alot about how his stomach hurts.

So, before takeoff he calls and here's the convo:

M: How is your tummy issue
H: The same
M: I don't think you should go because what if it gets worse
H: It's fine
M: Well, I don't think vomiting and runs is fine
H: I have no choice, it's my job, they are 100percent depending on me.
M: Well, if your sick .. your sick... it's a shame that the cargo co. depends on one pilot... they shouldn't put themselves in that situation.
H: (he's pissed of now).. I have to go
M: Ok..well be safe and maybe go to the ER when you land for some fluids...you'll be dehydrated.

Later on he text me:
H: NOt a very nice feeling Sandycay. You have to trust my judgement. It's not like there's anyone to cover for me. and just becaue I have a tummy ache is not a good enoug reason to cancel 100 percent of this airline's operations.

Have a good night.


WTF.... I text him back that was not my intent... but he never answered ...the tone of the email was not very nice... and then to not answer my text and fly off ... totally out character... The moaning and groaning he was doing for 5 hours preflight is now just a tummy ache....

I can see where he says I don't listen in the conversation... as soon as he said I am fine .... I should have dropped it... but the truth is ... he wasn't fine... he was sick... but he's stubborn and knew a lot was riding on him last night.

I just want to say that there are 3 to 4 Pilots on board ... my H is the representative (instructor pilot) from the manufacturer of the plane that is helping their pilots out. Their pilots are checked out on the plane and have 1000's of hours so it's not like he was jeopardizing anyone. (I Just wanted to be clear, in case anyone is wondering,)

Anyway, H calls this morning.. still testy in his voice... doesn't mention it (of course) doesn't acknowlege my text of explaining the reason i said it was becaue I cared, that's all. I said that I was sorry if it felt that I wasn't trusting his judgement.
So, I mentioned it... conversation got a little tough.... he said it came across as bitching.... I say but I don't undertand how he can get aggravated when someone shows they care .... Blah...so I said well, I am feeling pretty beat up by now, I have been accused of bitching when I thought I was showing care... I don't know what to do... I can't win.

H: Your not gonna win this one cause your wrong.
I know at this point I need to end the A-B conversation and C my way out of it..so I just say We need to end the conversation now and I will talk to you later.

H: Later and hangs up.

SIGHS.... I hate days like this... I didn't sleep well last night. Now, comes the problem....or issue... next time we talk ... I know that I will have to put on the happy and pretend like it never happened and all will be well.....

I ponder how long it will take me before that's my true attitude that things need to roll off my back because right now it's a struggle and always has been. Otherwise, I will at some point implode..... please pray for me on this one. This is a needed skill for me. Any ideas?