But it seems to me like she is a little on the fence. And it seems like he has had a few opportunities to make himself look like the better choice, but has bypassed them.
And of course that is fine. Just trying to understand where you are.
Enjoy your weekend!
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Glad you are doing well. So are you at the point where you are just letting her see what life would be like without you? Or are you just saving yourself? I can totally understand that. I don't engage ex in conversation unless necessary. Just don't want him to think we can be friends and that I will ever be "good' with what he did.
You sound good. Keep catching us up when you can.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
How are you doing my friend? You sound pretty good. Just wanted to stop in and say "HI" to my friend.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Puppy, it doesn't feel like there is a goal anymore. I know what it USED to be. I have been recently saying how I wanted to maintain a friendship with her, but maybe I was just saying that. Maybe I still had some hope.
Well, it feels like the hope is gone. As best I can tell, my goal for the past couple months was for her to end things with OM. That last time she spewed forth her venom, a few weeks ago on the second day of Spring Break, just did something for me. It let me....see the light. What she really has become.
The stuff that I was doing, and getting my ass jumped on for, wasn't working. Me showing and giving myself to her still. Everyone knew it, I just wasn't listening. If she would end things with him, I COULD be friends with her still. I do care for her and do still love her. But I'm loving myself more, now.
Part of me IS trying to show her what life would be with out me. Or maybe I'm trying to show myself what life would be with out HER. I DON'T want to be her bud while she is still with him. I'm not hostile to her, nor her to me. I want her to feel the repercussions of what she's done. I don't want to be there for her anymore.
I'm giving her nothing. Not being a dikk. I'm friendly, but I wait for her to greet me first and I usually wait for her to tell me goodbye.
She came to pick up the kids from my house yesterday.
Had a great weekend with the girls, btw. Saw old friends play some rugby. They kicked ass. My old team is going to the TRU's, which are the state playoffs for city teams. Made me want to get out on the pitch again. Afterwards, BBQ at my buds house, our girls played together so well. We spent the night at his place and came home next day.
D12 decided that she wanted to stay with me for one more evening, so the wife only picked up D7. Outside, her leaving, I did tell her to be careful. She just gave me a look like, "I know you don't meant it, but thanks anyway."
D7 ended up calling me in the evening to say goodnight. I asked and found out that she was reminded by her mom to call me.
Today, the wife called both my work phone and cell phone trying to contact me. I was with a client and missed the calls. I called her back and she was asking me some banking questions for a client she had in her office. Getting off the phone, she tells me,
"Thanks. Oh, and I'll call you later. We need to talk about our daughter."
I just said okay and hung up.
My new goal for me is to move on, live life, enjoy life, reconnect with old friends again like I have been and have fun.
On MY terms.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I'm giving her nothing. Not being a dikk. I'm friendly, but I wait for her to greet me first and I usually wait for her to tell me goodbye.
This would be a huge change, and if you're doing this, I'm glad. For YOUR sake. But frankly, I'm skeptical, because we've NEVER seen this from you.
I know this is incredibly hard, trying to figure out what "role" you want this woman to play in the rest of your life, when the ONLY role you ever saw was wife, partner and lover.
Oh, I'm doing it. And I can't believe how much better I'm feeling about things.
Problem is that I consider myself unmarried now. Right or wrong.
I think to myself, "Am I doing this for DB purposes?"
I'm telling myself, "If I really don't want her back, then why NOT be friends?"
I really just dont' want any dealings with her at this point.
I'll figure things out eventually. You're right, incredibly hard.
Got two calls from her yesterday. Just as I was leaving work, she called and asked if I was still home. I told her I was just leaving. She tells me that D12 got caught in the rain and called her asking for some socks. She explained that she told D12 that she was trying to get S15 to school and get herself to work. I told her that I would call work and let them know I would be late. Then she back pedaled and said she would do it, don't worry about it.
I told her I would do it. I was already getting her socks. I told her to go to work, because she has been missing too much work.
Then she called me while I was on the way home. She was just getting off of work and asked if I could pick up D7, because whe was worried about traffic. I told her that I would turn around.
I was making it sound like I was not heading home, but she took it as I was almost home already. "No, if your already almost home..." "I'm already turning around."
Pick up my little beauty. She was excited to see me. Take her to the apartment and the wife is there already. Step inside, other kids come greet me, D7 playing with me at the door again.
Wife sits on her sofa, I'm playing with the dog. We start to ask D7 about homework and then the wife asks me to sit down.
"Sit down, close the door."
We get D7 started on homework. Other kids take turns coming in to mess around with me. D7 is playing with me, the dog is messing with me. I know the wife is watching us all.
And I know it gets to her somehow.
Catch a quiet moment and she asks me how work was. I tell her. I don't ellaborate, just give facts. She tries to give me some of her day, but I talk to D7 at the same time. She announces that she is going to heat up pizza rolls for dinner and finds it funny, so she laughs at herself.
We didn't laugh. I'm not giving her any of the old me. I begin my goodbyes. It took a while because I had to mess with D12 for a while because she was in a bad mood. I fixed that quickly. I'm good at that. Leaving, I give a last goodbye, glance over to the wife and give a quick "Bye". She says thanks for the help and I walk out.
First time in a couple months that I've done that.
Rescuing or just two parents working with each other?
I see it as more the latter. I could have called her a couple times last week myself, but I made sure to make other plans. I DO NOT want her help.
I am really enjoying life right now. I'm in a great place.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
We didn't laugh. I'm not giving her any of the old me. I begin my goodbyes. It took a while because I had to mess with D12 for a while because she was in a bad mood. I fixed that quickly. I'm good at that. Leaving, I give a last goodbye, glance over to the wife and give a quick "Bye". She says thanks for the help and I walk out.
First time in a couple months that I've done that.
That was good. I'm glad you're enjoying life, just can't help worrying about you a bit. I'm a worrier by nature. I'm sure you're doing great!!! Karen
Just trying to understand where you are.