Mulesqb - A Day in Court

[mulesqb]

Hey guys - just wanted to touch back in with everyone. I'm in a total rush though as I'm crazed at work. But anyway - we went to court yesterday and I got full residential custody of the boys and joint on decision making with me having the final say. It's over and done with. The only thing left is her visitation schedule and money.

I know I should be thrilled and I am, it was a very emotional day for me. I am very sad right now for a couple of reasons. I watched the woman I grew a family with - just giveaway her kids without a fight yesterday. And while I have my kids I know for sure now that I have lost her, completely.

Can't believe this whole thing. Will post more later when I have more time. The one thing I will say is that the words Strength and Honor have meant more to me than any of you could imagine. If I could suggest anything to any of the newbies - grab onto something like that - i know Coach used the "You can handle it" motto. Find what fits for you and run with it - you'll need it more than you know.

Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me - I'll be ok and I promise you the boys will also.

Strength and Honor.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My prayers to you and your family, Mules -- including your XW. I am so proud (and humbled) by your efforts.

Puppy

[Coach]

Mules, I don't know what to say. I can't imagine your day yesterday. You should be proud of how you handled your situation. You are a sucess story here because you persevered and grew in a defining moment in your life. You stayed true to your values and fought for what you believed in. That is honorable and takes incredible strength. No regrets, you played your best.
Cheers
Coach

[marriedCrazy]

Mules..great to hear from you. The boys are definitely in the right place. Look forward to hearing more.

Now I'm going to hijack a little. Coach, I need your help! The W wants to date. I've been good at DB'ing; but now I'm a little aprehensive on the next steps.

Thanks Mules..God Bless You and your boys.

[Tawnya]

{{{{Mules}}}}} Ahh..my friend!! On the one hand I'm SUPER thrilled for you about the boys and I know you are too. However, on the other hand, I know that was, understatement of the year, so TOUGH on you to deal with, and for that, I truly hate it my friend!

Thanks for updating

Tawnya

[fb2]

Wow! Now you have a tremendous opportunity and responsibility. I'm sure you will follow thru' for the boys with Strength and Honor.

[smith18]

Mules, besides the strength and honor motto, I really like the quote from your father. Those are good words to live by. Having the kids with someone stable such as yourself is the best thing for them.

Has the financial aspect of the D been determined? I got the custody issues settled first and then the financials seemed to drag on (and they still are).

I hope you get to enjoy some fun adult time when your STBXW has the kids for visitation.

[faithisbelieving]

Curses for you starting a new thread and not leaving a link on the other. GRRRR.

Congratulations...yes...you read THAT right. This wasn't just a 'win' here mules...this was a TRIUMPH for your boys. They got stability...love...kindness...courage..integrity...strength...and honor and ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE.

You have a challenge ahead of you now mules, but, one many of us would envy having. I reiterate something someone else said above....MAKE SURE YOU MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF NOW. Personally, I think it's time to say it's OK for you to entertain the thought of dating.

See that...some stories DO have good endings. The very fact that your W abandoned her kids tells you that this move was the right thing.

Strength and honor indeed. I made keychains up with that on it for my initial supporters. I should have saved one for you.

FIB

[ernest88]

Well Mules...I don't know that I have ever posted to you but...FWIW....if she was so easy to walk away from her kids then she does not sound like much anyway...I don't know your whole sitch but you made it sound above like she did not put up a fight for custody...so with that...there are some "good ones" out there though "they" are few and far between...

[iamlost]

Mules! I've been looking for your thread, thought you might have been gone. I was following your sitch months ago before I left, and just got caught up on this thread and the last. I am really sorry that it all came to this, but you absolutely did the right thing. And I'm glad you got full custody: your wife's behavior towards your sons is, frankly, damaging to them.

I really hope that you will get them into C, if they are not already. You have been an excellent, EXCELLENT father, but have the boys learned how to cope with your W's behavior?

Here's my mini rant on the WAS changes: I, personally, don't think your W or my H or any of the WAS "changed". I think the script, the alien-speak, is cause people that don't have the emotional maturity to face up to their mistakes and the pain that they cause other people tend to create lives that are all about justifying their actions.

These are people that equate mistakes and bad decisions to being a bad person, so the only way to feel good about themselves is to continue to be bad and redefine it, in their minds, as good. What better justifies being an a$$ than becoming an a$$hole and rebranding it the new improved me? So they continue to dig themselves a deeper and deeper hole. More bad behavior only serves to justify prior bad behavior, because bad behavior is now sorta good, or "regrettable but necessary". Black is white, down is up.

Can the boys see that she is struggling under the weight of all the pain she caused them, and what looks like not caring is really, sadly, thwarted love?

I was a few years older than they were when I came to terms with my troubled relationship with my father--saw him as a flawed human being who actually was less emotionally mature than I was as a teenager, who loved me, but didn't know how to show that love to me in the ways I needed him to. IMHO, they'd be better if they didn't have to feel sad about it for years, and instead saw that in your XW NOW. Maybe they already do?