PART 2: (Told you this was long. that's what I get for not posting for 2+ months.)
OK, so then he called on the 26th, and I asked why he hadn't come over. He said he thought it was clear that he wasn't coming. He showed up that evening, and I was in a bad mood. Obviously my expectations were pushing me--never a good thing. I actually got teary for no good reason, which made me madder. He said I needed to be "tempered" and made us margaritas. I told him to open his presents so I didn't have to look at them anymore, and he seemed to like them--nothing big, but thoughtful: abook, a wooden toy, and a set of DVDs--Ken Burns's "Baseball" series from PBS. He also asked if he could leave the gifts here--he's never aksed before. (They are still here, but that's par for the course. He rarely takes anything with him that I give him, with few exceptions. Just a couple of weeks ago, he finally took the DVDs--and only because I insisted. He was taking them to his place one at a time, which I thought was silly. He's watched almost all of them over this long weekend and loves them.) I apologized later for being bitchy, and he was very sweet about it. Then I told him to explain why I needed tempering, and he said he couldn't because I'd already apologized.
So, he spent a lot of time here from 12/16-12/27, but then he dropped out of sight again. There were lots of positives, and I found it frustrating that we could have to much fun together and the he would disappear entirely. It's hard to stay detached under those circumstances. I was also concerned because he was relly irresponsible with money during that time--he wants to generous and to be perceived as generous, but he lets money slip through his hand like sand, and he doesn't control his impulses to spend. Then he feels guilty but it's too late by then. This is not a new problem for him, but the MLC makes it worse.
My resolutions for the new year: let go of the past and embrace the present, which includes GAL. I've done a great job of that, I must say!
The most current news is that H's mom got very sick quite sudenly and almost died. He flew home at the end of January to be with her and stayed about a week. He is distraught. She is home and recovering, but it isn't a quick process, and he keeps saying that he might leave again at any minute. Both his parents relied on him heavily while he was there, and he says that they just want him to be there. He felt like they finally were listening to what he had to say and respected him for the first time maybe ever. I just A and V and tell him that if he needs to go, he'll go. This has curbed his spending somewhat.
I saw Virago, my tarot reader, about MIL's illness, and she said that she would be fine but would have a slow recovery. She also said that this will snap H out of his MLC pity party and make him realize how important family is, including me. That would be nice!
Finally, he spent a lot of the 14th here with me--usually he avoids me completely on Valentine's Day. In fact, this is our midwinter break (a 4-day weekend) and he's been here every day except today, which isn't over yet. He arrived last night about 20 minutes before I had to leave for choir rehearsal, and then he hung out here for a while. He cleared the computer history, which is suspicious, but there's nothing I can do about that.
My current concerns:
* H won't decide if he wants to file taxes jointly or separately. This is only an issue because he put in a change of address with the school district in Septmeber, and now he has his W2. He told me that if I'm ready to just go ahead--in other words, I get to make the decision and he gets to escape responsibility. I'm giving him a little more time, but it's annoying. I don't want to get stuck later down the road if he just doesn't file--and if he felt like it was too much of pain, he wouldn't. I will be so happy when he grows up! * Also, I confirmed that I have uterine fibroids again. I go in for the consult tomorrow. My doctor died in the fall, so I have no connection with anyone there, but I know what to expect. It sucks, but that's the way it goes, I guess. I plan on arguing to maintain my fertility. H has been really supportive of me about al this, including the fertility question.
* He turns 40 on Saturday, and I turn 40 the following Sunday. That should be interesting.
Ok, now you know everything about my life up till..now. No, now. No, NOW!
Be well, friends. Let me know what you think about all this.
You've had some interesting turns! Is your H doing some toe tests to get a reaction from you? He's doing some nice things and then has to withdraw. Pretty typical stuff.
Dang fybroids! With any luck your new doc will be smart and hip on all the new trends. Argue for yourself and what's best for you. BTDT!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Darlings, I have news: I AM 40!!!!! And I am embracing it.
My birthday was last Sunday, 3/1. I had a terrible cold and spent most of the day on the couch. The thing is, it was awesome--I got lots of calls from friends and family, and even more messages on FB (aka The Site That Shall Not Be Named). I hadn't been sick, I wouldn't have gotten all that love.
AND H spent a lot of the day with me. I was ready to not hear from him at all, and he really surprised me. Of course, there was no acknowledgement of my b'day. When he came in the first time, I said, "Happy March!" following a long tradition of saying Happy whatever month it is that I know he misses. He said, "Yeah, it's your birthday, isn't it?" I said yes. He moved on to other subjects. I laughed to myself. Anyway, he spent a total of several hours with me and we even ate dinner together and he went to the grocery store for something I needed to make the dinner. Shocking.
I bought myself some nice presents, starting with a dozen roses. I found a cute trech coat at Old Navy for 50% off, and a ring that looks like a rose, and a stainless steel water bottle with an owl on it to remind me of patience, and a Jason Mraz CD, and a hair tie with an orchid attached for summertime. I returned some topds that my mom sent that didn't flatter me and used the money to buy a top and a sweater that I love at Ann Taylor. I feel indulged, maybe even spoiled--and I love it.
I may celebrate with girlfriends later this month--I'll be 40 all year, so no rush.
OTHER NEWS:
I mentioned that his birthday was 8 days before mine (the 21st). He handled it by completely dropping off the radar for 5 days. He ended up calling on Monday night after I'd gotten home from choir rehearsal--he was in the driveway. When he came in, we held each other for a long hug, and I said, "I've missed you. I was worried about you. Are you OK?" And he said yes but not much else.
And he is still worried about his mom's health. She is recovering slowly.
I can't believe that we had snow yesterday and today--no accululation, but jeez louise, talk about climate change! I love that the bulbs and spring trees are starting to bloom--spring comes early here and is such a blessing.
OK, that's all from me. Be well. Be warm. Spring is on its way!
Happy March! Happy 40 plus 1 week! You treated yourself mighty fine for your birthday. I'm taking lessons from you for my 40plusten next month!
Just before I saw your post I was thinking to myself about this life. It's not where I want it to be, but I spend more hours now with H each weekend these months than the accumulated time in a whole month for the past 4 years.
I think for you and me both, they've been 'gone' so long that it would be too much of a shock to all of a sudden have them back 100%. That would be a death sentence for the M, IMO. We need time to merge them back into the lives we created without them. KWIM?
Enjoy the extra time you're getting when your H comes around. Keep the rest of your life moving forward while leaving room for H to join you. That's what works best for me - and patience.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I totally get you, WCW. There are many times when I'm glad to be on my own, and sometimes when H is here, I think, "OK, I'm ready for you to go now." Weird, huh? I know that I"m a lot better than I used to be, even prior to this whole mess, and I"m getting better still. I love myself and forgive myself; I don't think that H knows how to do either of those things yet. He still has a lot of healing to do before he can come back home, and then we need to do some healing together.
I was thinking today about a post from someone on my first thread--I think her screen name was 2much--and she kept telling me that I would be OK no matter what. She was right--I AM OK. I'm better than OK. Just as you say, I'm moving forward, and there's room for H if he wants to come along, but I'm not waiting around for him.
Anyhoo, thanks for your encouragement. Us oldtimers need to stick together! Be well.
Probably the most belated of belated birthday greetings you've probably had I'd guess. All my best wishes though amd. 40 is the new 30 these days isn't it?
ANDY: so good to see you! What is going on with you in the UK? What vacations do you have planned?
Not much news, obviously, as I've not been here in ages. I've seen recent baby steps with H, especially regarding finances. My tarot reader says he's on the verge of coming around. I hope so, but I don't hold my breath. I continue to A and V, to love, and to GAL. Had some backsliding into "what ifs" and general sadness, but I'm back now. Yay me!
The school year is coming to a close, which is good and bad--I enjoy this group of kids (6th grade, 12-13 year-olds), but it is time for them to move on! Also, the start of summer can be tricky--hard to go from 60 to 0. I think I'll head back east to see my folks and old friends towards the end of June when we're out--my dad is having surgery for a tumor on his kidney at the beginning of June, so I want to get back, and it will be good to start off on a "real" vacation right away. If anyone wants to visit in the Baltimore/ DC area then, let me know!
Also making other plans for the time off. I'll see Wayne Dyer speak in Seattle in July, and I just found out that James Taylor will be playing at the fair in Sept. Maybe an oil painting class. Continuing to learn the ukulele--so much fun! I'm open to whatever else comes my way.
Just wanted to check in with you and say hi. All is well in my world--hope it is in yours as well.
It's nice to hear all the things you are doing for you. Careful on counting babysteps! You haven't been around much lately but the flavor here has changed a LOT. Babysteps is almost a taboo thing now where before we added them up to positives.
Oh, and since you're here so often - Happy 4th of July too!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Well, if someone has a problem with counting babysteps, too bad for them. I think that's a little sad, actually. We all deserve to be able to call positives where we see them.
For instance, H came through today by bring me the truck to haul the lawnmower that suddenly broke on me last week to Lowes. (BTW, Lowes handed me a new mower for free. I will shop there forever!)AND he brought the truck here and asked me to drop him back at his place--this is the first time in 2+ years of separation that he's invited me to see where he lives. No, I didn't get asked in, but I don't care.
He's been laying low for a lot of this month. I'm trying to stay busy and keep on the GAL path. I celebrated our 12 year anniversary on the 24th--I had a fabulous day, don't know about him.
Right now I'm focusing on finishing the school year without strangling any 6th graders. The eyerolling is particularly heavy right now. One of my students announced in art class that "All the teachers are jealous of us(her and a friend)--that's why we're in trouble." Yeah, jealous of 12-year olds. That's me.
Anyway, just checking in to see what's up with my peeps. Not too many of us around, apparently. I used to post all the time, and now it's more occasional--and that's a good thing. Be well, friends.
Gosh, missed you again AMD. Glad all is well. Always good to hear your news and you're learning the ukele too - fantastic. Ah, vacations - it will soon be that time of year. It's Crete for us this year.
I go in for the consult tomorrow. My doctor died in the fall, so I have no connection with anyone there, but I know what to expect. It sucks, but that's the way it goes, I guess. I plan on arguing to maintain my fertility. H has been really supportive of me about al this, including the fertility question.
