SMW - Way to go on the exercise plan! I'm cheering for you! I started this week, too. OUCH! I'll keep checking in. Someone has to keep us accountable!
I connected with your update regarding the conversation re: D17 parenting compared to the little ones. Isn't it natural, though? We were quite young when they were born. So, not only were we young, but COMPLETELY inexperienced, probably a lot more financially challenged, and paranoid we would completely ruin them! With the following children, you start to loosen up, figure out what to consider a battle, etc... My D17 is the biggest "pickle," too, and the younger ones are easier going, more carefree, etc... Well, they didn't have a hovering MOM! Don't worry. We haven't ruined the D17's. They just have a little different path to adulthood!
I'm with ya!
MB--
with my D17, I was a single parent until she was three. Then, DH and I were separated due to his military commitment for all but 7 months out of the first two years we were married. My D17 and I did everything together. Then, she was an only child until she was 8. I treated her like a small friemd more so than a daughter. She was also so good, that I rarely had to discipline her.
When she hit her difficult teen years, she has three younger siblings and I was changing my focus on discipline and keeping the kids accountable for their actions. She did not like the rules and rebelled. It got worse after the separation. It is getting better now, but it is still a hard, uphill row to hoe.
I am enjoying the exercise. The weather has been good here and I am hoping to do more walking soon. With D3 having been sick so much, some things around the house fell behind and I NEED to get it pulled together. I have less than 6 weeks til DH's deployment ends.
I go to the gym again tonight and I cannot wait to get there. Besides the exercise, it is two hours without the kids!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I had a difficult evening last night and my cousin made me feel like crap when I talked to her on the phone. She wants me to broach the subject with the kids that their Dad is not "coming home" in the sense that they believe after deployment. She said I am setting them up to be hurt and the kids will blame me for that hurt. She just kept hammering on me until I told her I had had enough and I got off the phone.
I called a dear friend from church and she and I spent a couple hours on the phone. She has been firmly convicted that DH will be coming home and that my marriage will be restored. She is the littles' bible study teacher and the girls had told her that their daddy moved out. Over time, as she and I became friends, she has gotten the whole story of my situation. She received this conviction before we had become good friends, and has stood strong in prayer with me over this since last summer.
She and I had a long talk about giving into fear and not letting it control me. She also helped me to realize that God was talking to me last night after I talked to my cousin--every teaching I watched was on the covenant vows of marriage.
I woke up this morning renewed and refreshed to deal with all of this and I am beating down fear and the resultant unbelief. God is good and faithful. He will take care of me, the kids and DH. I need to be quiet and listen to him more, instead of letting the negative thoughts cloud my mind and judgement.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I had a difficult evening last night and my cousin made me feel like crap when I talked to her on the phone. She wants me to broach the subject with the kids that their Dad is not "coming home" in the sense that they believe after deployment. She said I am setting them up to be hurt and the kids will blame me for that hurt. She just kept hammering on me until I told her I had had enough and I got off the phone.
I called a dear friend from church and she and I spent a couple hours on the phone. She has been firmly convicted that DH will be coming home and that my marriage will be restored. She is the littles' bible study teacher and the girls had told her that their daddy moved out. Over time, as she and I became friends, she has gotten the whole story of my situation. She received this conviction before we had become good friends, and has stood strong in prayer with me over this since last summer.
SMW, Yes, I have reading along, cheering and praying for you and your family. Do you really know what the outcome is going to be at the end of the deployment? You know the drill - not in your control. So you need to prepare. This is when the Stockdale Paradox worked for me: Be hopeful until the end but confront the brutal facts of your current reality. The end of the deployment isn't the end. No outside person knows what is in DH's heart right now. Both your cousin and dear friend are part right for now. You are using timeless values to persevere in your journey: patience, prayer, strength and virtue. Oh yeah - grace and dignity. I will pray that the Holy Spirit moves in DH. You are handling it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am prepared for any eventuality and have no expectations for Homecoming, just hope.
You know, as do many here that know me--protecting my kids from knowing the truth about what is going on, until such time as they will either need to know or are old enough to handle it, is my biggest objective with regards to them. My hope and dream is that they need never know the truth behind what has caused this separation and that they will grow up in an intact family with both their biological parents. I have three small children praying for God to talk to their Daddy and for Daddy to know that God loves him even more than we do. I think they understand the possibility of Daddy not coming back to the house when he comes home. I do not see the need to throw it in their faces. Am I wrong in that?
You and Greek always post just when I need you most and I am grateful that the Holy Spirit leads you that way! Greek sent me an email about a situation with your son and two days later, I was given the exact scripture she talked about in her email in regards to my own fears. I feel the love and support from you all and I am ever thankful that God led me here and not to the sites that would have helped me kill my marriage instead of standing for it with God's guidance and wisdom.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
You know, as do many here that know me--protecting my kids from knowing the truth about what is going on, until such time as they will either need to know or are old enough to handle it, is my biggest objective with regards to them. My hope and dream is that they need never know the truth behind what has caused this separation and that they will grow up in an intact family with both their biological parents.
SMW,
I am on the exact same page as you on this. May God make it happen for both of us.
I continue to be so impressed and humbled at your constant faith and devotion. You are a woman to be emulated.
You know your heart, you know the conviction God has laid on your heart. That is all that matters. You are positive you are following God's will, so you know that God will also protect your children's hearts as well. He will not leave them in their time of need if the situation turns in a bad direction.
I continue to pray for you and your DH. He has to be feeling the powerful prayers of all of your friends and family. Trust that God is softening his heart and speaking to him mightily!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I am doing okay. Yesterday was difficult in that it was our 14th Wedding Anniversary which went uncelebrated unfortunately. We live together, but separate if you know what I mean - however no D papers filed or anything like that. W is planning on moving out sometime in the future. Hopefully she changes her mind before that, but I am not optimistic. I am posting occasionally over in the "We're separated - Now What" forum.
The girls are doing wonderful, but they do not yet know the severity of our situation. Of course if their Mom does find another place to move into then we will obviously have to sit down and talk to them about this.
Thank you, my friend. Please do not be impressed by me, but instead by the power of Almighty God. It is from Him that I gain my strength. I love my DH and the unconditional love has grown with time and guidance from the Lord.
My children are amazing and have such wonderful faith for kids so young, especially D5. I was watching Joyce Meyers the other day and she asked if she could watch so she could learn more about the Lord. What a heart she has for God!
I believe that DH does feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit. He is not emailing as much. It has been about a week since the last time we heard from him. He knows the date of Homecoming as well as I do and at some point, he is going to have to decide what his actions are going to be in regards to that. I will not confront him on it or broach the subject to him. It will only serve to make him defensive and give him an excuse to build on. I will just continue to wait, loving him and praying for him.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I found your thread and posted a little something on it.
I understand the uncelebrated anniversary--I did that back in January. It hurt a great deal, but I did not cry as much as I thought I would.
Keep praying for her, my friend. While the girls may not know how drastic things are, they feel the tension. Just love them and let them see your conssitent stand and fight for your marriage. They will notice and remember.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
