Just found out wife filed

[RobD70]

I looked again today and saw more charges in the OM area. Looks like she has moved in with him which doesn't surprise me. I did email my old (and her current) IC that I know about it and while hurt, I know she has to live her life.

I guess I may have been wrong about her R with him, maybe they are doing well after all. Oh well, it's not my problem and I need to stop thinking about it. I wish I could just move on with someone else like she did.

[RobD70]

It didn't surprise me since her son is staying with her now and there isn't much room at her mom's. I'm trying not to take things personally.

[RobD70]

I hated doing this but I had to send her an email:

The next time you stop by your mother's house, will you drop off my truck keys, the BoA and AT&T credit cards, and my copy of the divorce paperwork? Let me know what day you do it.

Go ahead and pull say $200 for yourself for next week and if there is any money left over next week I'll write you a check and leave it with your mom for you to pick up.

So far nothing new on the house. Hope Anthony is adjusting well.

I can't stand looking at the online banking account and seeing her activity around the OM's house. That and I don't feel I need to support her while she is living with someone else. It's her money too but she has her own account that she need to start using. She wont be happy being cut-off but I need to do this for my own well being. Hope I worded it right.

[robx]

Is your paycheque being directly deposited into this account by your employer? If so, open a new account for yourself and deposit your money there - there is no need to share an account with someone and allow them to spend your money while they are with someone else - how long have you been allowing this? Why is it her money too? I'm not understanding that part? Do you say this because it's a joint account - if so, who cares?

Cutting her off should have been something you did a long time ago if she was with someone else - seriously! Who cares if she won't be happy, time to start respecting yourself on this issue.

If she isn't with you and she's with someone else, why would you continue to support her financially?

Email - not sure I would have emailed her.
I would have maybe phoned her on it or texted her, it would be more immediate and you could still do it remotely and not show any emotion.

[robx]

when my wife told me to leave our home after she dropped the bomb and wanted to separate, I did everything to please her and that included still sharing a bank account and having my paychq deposited there. I was responsible for all of our expenses (mortgage, property tax, bills, groceries, etc.) and my own expenses (apartment rent, utilities, food, etc.) and I practically lived on credit fumes because she started spending more & more money with little regard for how I was doing. I woke up and stopped taking that treatment - I enabled her and allowed her to do it and got mad at her for doing it but I should have been mad at myself for enabling her in the first place - when I realized this first part, that's when things started to change.

Stop enabling your wife.

Stop being there for her.

And yes, do this for your own well being - you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.

Take back your possessions if they are yours.

Don't feel bad for doing it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I looked again today and saw more charges in the OM area. Looks like she has moved in with him which doesn't surprise me. I did email my old (and her current) IC that I know about it and while hurt, I know she has to live her life.

I guess I may have been wrong about her R with him, maybe they are doing well after all. Oh well, it's not my problem and I need to stop thinking about it. I wish I could just move on with someone else like she did.

More likely is that they are on-again/off-again/on-again, and have "broken up" and/or "decided to cool it" several times over already.

Trying to take the temperature of the illicit relationship is a fruitless exercise, and like trying to eat Jell-O with chopsticks on a moving train.

Puppy

[RobD70]

Her last paycheck was deposited into our joint account, I pretty much have all her money which is why we still share accounts. There is no animosity between us and we have always trusted each other financially. Her March paychecks will go into her own account to pay her own bills for now on.

This is a 180 for me, taking control and moving on with the separation/divorce myself instead of letting her lead. She is a coward and wont do anything until pushed. I did this because it had to happen and I need it for myself.

It's over. While my heart keeps fighting me I am motoring through to do what needs to be done regardless of how I feel. She made the choice and now must deal with it. I have to man-up and take back my life.

I emailed because I wanted to word it so she understands that I know she is no longer at her mom's. Also it's been 2 hours so far and no response, that's odd but doesn't mean anything.

[robx]

... I emailed because I wanted to word it so she understands that I know she is no longer at her mom's. Also it's been 2 hours so far and no response, that's odd but doesn't mean anything.

Even if only to a small extent, it shows pursuing her.

You have to stop caring that she is over there because if she is over there, she obviously doesn't care enough about you.

Counting the hours since you sent the email is thinking about it too much. You sent the email, let it be now, don't worry about a response (even if it's "ok, I got your email") or wait for one - that shows you care about the response.

Detach...

[RobD70]

So Saturday morning I'm in the shower and my work phone rings. In a moment of stupidity I rush out to answer it. I slip on the bathroom floor and land on my hip. I'm in pain and can barely move. I crawl to the bedroom and reach my phone but it's the work phone.

I don't have any numbers in it and I only have one number in my head, the W. I want my brother to come by and look at me to see how bad things were. I should have just called 911 but I hate hospitals.

I dial the W number about 3 times before finally actually calling. She picks up and I tell her to call my brother and that I hurt myself real bad. She calls me back and says she can't get a hold of him so she sends her son and ask if she should call 911. I said yes as I start to panic from the pain. She said she would come over but I told her no.

The paramedics come by and have to pry my front door open. I hoped her son would have gotten there first so he could let them in but no. He does show up and I have him grab some stuff for me to meet me at the hospital.

The W called a few people and got my brother too. When I get to the hospital he's there and the W shows up. When I see her I start to tear up (not sure why) but she sees I'm upset she ask if she should leave (I think) I said yea and that's I'm no longer her responsibly and she cries (I think she cried to whole time) and told my SIL as she left that I said I didn't want her there. I didn't.

Her son's hang out and we talk a little about her (a no no) but I did find out that they moved in with the OM when the picked up the furniture last week. Later that day I have surgery to fix my broken hip (which I'm too young for but I hit it just so hard). I leave the hospital Monday afternoon but not before the W tried to call me that morning on her way to work. I didn't answer.

Right now when I think of the W I feel disgusted and shame. I don't think I would ever take her back again and I want the D to be done asap. She fancies herself as a care taker (but not really) so I know it has too eat her up inside not being able to help me in any way. Her aunt called to check on me Sunday and I acted nice about it giving her the benefit of the doubt (the W may had her spy on me). As of this morning one of her son's keeps calling me (spy!) but I haven't answered yet. Not in the mood.

That was by far the worst weekend in my life, Yay!

[RobD70]

So far nothing new. I'm no longer fighting reality, she choose the OM over me and her moving in with him the second time is the straw that broke the camel's back. I am done with her.

I don't think about her 24/7 like I use to and when I do think of her it's all negative. I don't believe a word she says and I'm disgusted by the fact she choose a 60 yr man over me. I also no longer think she's a good person but instead someone who's consumed about her self image and only does good things so people won't think badly of her. She is a selfish, spoiled brat and I now believe I am much better off without her. At the end of the day, she isn't any different than any other woman. I had idealized her but now I see how wrong that was.

I'm not interested in getting into another R anytime soon. This is new to me since I rarely go very long w/o a girlfriend but now I am going solo for a while. I don't want to deal with someone else's issues and trying to impress them. Outside of sex, I really don't have any motivation.

I don't like feeling this way. I wish I could say I loved my W unconditionally and want what's best for her but I can't. She's giving me so many false promises and her behavior makes me just sick. Here I am stuck at my brother's place and she's living the high life with her sugar daddy. She can rot in hell for all I care.

I'm seeing the IC next week. I'm just going to use her to vent since I have been holding back from friends and family so they think I have it all together. I have so much anger built up I feel I can explode at any time.

I thought I was better than this. I thought she was better than this too.