Don't get me wrong. My sense of urgency is the lesson I'm getting from the universe right now, you're right.
But you don't HAVE to drop him and find another man. I just wanted to remind you of how precious life is, and how short. If that motivates you to call him up and take that risk, GOOD! Or leave, or stay...but do it knowing that you don't know, how long any of us have. Leave nothing unsaid, nothing untried, and someday that will include either moving on, or reconciling. Just don't stay stuck in neutral for too long. It hurts and life should not hurt so much for so long. It doesn't have to. ....make sense?
Make yourself happy on this short trip here. No one else can, or will. Just curious too, what do YOU think it would take for you to feel you could move on? IOW, what would "closure" look like, other than a reconciliation? Can you visulize that at all yet? Just asking...
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No! I cant sadly 25. I'd like to just be normal with him, either way though. All those years, he was just, I dont know, someone I felt 100 % secure with and I could be 100% myself with and now? Theres no naturalness in the way I talk to him and I hate that. We used to meet for lunch every day, back in 98, and chat and natter and joke around, but it was just like you are with your family, you know? Completely yourself, no pretence. So thats what I would like in terms of an end to this.. a return to being able to be myself and talk to him freely, if and when I saw him (which is unlikely to be often, I know).
Everyone keeps telling me that Naej..he even said as much himself at the bomb ("you'll probably never understand" was the long and short of his explanation) but I'm not giving up yet on the no answers thing!
..but gosh 25... did you see the news about Natasha Richardson??? So sad, reminds me of the story of your neighbour. Terrible, she developed brain swelling within the hour and that was it.
Natasha? YES crap yes I did and that was EXACTLY what I was feeling....
((( j ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
