I agree with GFI - try to fill your thoughts with something else or you will drive yourself crazy or make yourself ill.
No 2x4 from me this time, but Ali, have you ever considered that these strange actions from him, these random acts of kindness, are coming from a place of guilt? That he has love for you as a friend and someone he once shared a large part of his life with, and who he knows he has treated badly, and so every so often his conscience pricks him and he acts kindly? It might be that he just does not realise the pain it causes you when he acts this way. He is perhaps trying to be kind but is actually being cruel?
((((HUGS)))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
...god he just phoned me. He sounds down. He's calling me back in a minute. Didnt know how to speak to him and my mouth went dry. Said hye only just got my voicemail. Figures, I do believe him.
I'll post again... sh*tting myself for some reason.
I just read your post on another thread about the timing on the Venus retrograde and when forward progression restarts. That is VERY timely in regards to my situation and DH's homecoming from deployment. HHHMMMMMM
We will see what happens.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Ali, you okay? or still on the phone? Hope it went well/ going well and she hear what he is saying and it gives you whatever it is you are looking for I guess one of two things. Either way an end to living in limboland. Been thinking of you since I spotted he had called,not sure why he called then said he would call back in a minute?
Hey guys - well that was nice and hard in equal measure! I've been getting alot of visualisations lately, when I talk to my C, or my BFFs, I get an image fully formed, which encapsulates how I feel as we are discussing things. For example, early on in my C, I would see myself as jumbled pieces badly glued back together, a misshapen plastic doll. Anyway....as I was talking to him, I had a sudden sharp image of him holding a baby and a profound feeling that I want to spend my life with this man and have kids with him. Isnt it extrodinary? Noone has lodged themselves so firmly in my soul as this man.
Saffie - I did consider the guilt angle with the Christmas present, because when he first left me it was just before christmas and he had got me no presents, so to make up for that and also knew he was off skiing with Helen. But now - no, my instinct told me it isnt guilt, or being nice, or even friendly (its a BIG stretch for him to be organised enough to get a present in the post, especially as he is so down). I believe he did it, as Kalni said, because he knew he couldnt ignore it, it would be too big a risk of losing the option to get back with me, to keep me hookedr.. but I doubt he thought about WHY he was doing it, he's not being 'mindful' or concious and not aware it could be hard for me, or that it might even be cruel!
Hey Naej - no end to limboland yet! We talked for an hour and 20, as we normally do.. he called back twice in fact, once to move to his car and second time to switch phones, so he didnt need to. So, it was just a chat, but he sounded very very down. He was very sweet though, I will try and post some more of the convo.
Sooooooooooo, was it good or bad? or are you still digesting? Funny you mentioned on another thread about Venus retro and about 8 years ago. That was when my x revealed his A to me!!! and he has been in my thoughts alot lately, but no contact at all for years so not expecting anything.
Limboland has to be the worst place to be imo. Hoping it doesn't throw you off balance and spoil your Sunday.
When I mentioned the guilt angle I didn't mean to imply that he knew in any way he was doing things from guilt.....just that maybe deep down inside he is.
I hope that your conversation brought you some happiness.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I'm so glad you chatted and how brilliant that it was for an hour and a half! A good reconnecting tool.Patience again Al, this has been a difficult week eh.
I am sooo happy for you. I went to the site you told some one else about for astrology readings. It about knocked my socks off. Wow. Won't get my hopes up but....
I hope this is a turning point for the two of you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Naej.. why dont you contact your ex? You had 30+ years together and 4 kids and besides, what do you have to lose by contacting him to say hi? He did contact your daughter recently didnt he? Why not hey.. Kat.. glad that helped! It is the worlds leading website! I dont think he's turning though. Julia - yes, funny, an hour and 20 seems to be our usual limit!
The call hasnt really affected me too much, I have just been getting on with my dissertation today. I'm sure I will feel less good about it over the coming days though! He sounded bad, very down, said work was awful, his house was cold, he is tired all the time. He moaned alot about his Mum, brother, his friend at work and about work. Then he said.. I just go to bed early EVERY night. He said works so bad and he's so tired and the house is so cold, he just goes home and goes to bed. Why would he say that !!?? He's clearly in an R with her, so NOT going straught to bed (or perhaps he does, being depressed?) every night.
Bad news is, he did admit he is working on this big road project again (the one where he met her!) and he moaned alot about that and how boring it is, but that its going on for "months and months" - so thats bad as I know she is working closely with him on it. He just sounded terrible, kind of stuttering and stammery and nervous and very down. He did relax, mainly when he was telling me that he is lerning to swim and how much he is loving that. It upset me a bit, as I had nearly got him swimming lessons as a present just before he left me and he wouldnt discuss it with me (as I guess he knew he was leaving).
I gave him the choice of where the solicitors papers get sent and he agreed with me though, better they get sent here.. then he said there will be stuff for me to do and sign.. so although he didnt mention meeting up, he implied thats what we need to do and he didnt take the chance to get stuff posted directly to him at least.
He asked me lots of questions and the convo was more even this time, as opposed to previous phonecalls where he would mainly just talk about himself. It wasnt so jokey on either side though, bit more real. I admitted to having a tough time at college and a bit of artists block and stuff about my diss, whereas before I would never moan or complain or anything but be upbeat, so there was a very differnet feel to this convo.
At the end of the convo, he said "so.. you alright then?" in a very serious, emotional voice.. I ummed and ahhed and paused and then said something like, um.... well its lovely to hear from him (as I couldnt bring myself to tell him I missed him!). I made a big fuss of thanking him for the present, how touched I was, that it was very thoughtful of him (to let him know I took that effort asg a sinificant statement on his part). He said several times he had 'hoped' I would get it in time/really like the book/like the music..that he was glad. I asked him if he was ok and he sounded awful and did a "ohhh.. yeahhh.... oh alright I guess" sounding anything but. Before we said goodbye, I said it was lovely to chat to him, he said it was lovely to caht to me too, speak to you soon... oh but chat to you on email as well... He did sound so low though. Sigh.
