Don't Look Back.......on the Lake Erie Shore!

[Neilh23]

Hey all....

it's been 2 months since i last posted. Wow, has a lot happened!

first, no, my W and I are not back together.....at the same time, right now, it's for the best. i see who she is and how she acts......tha'ts not who i want to be with. i don't think she has any idea about relationships....and the work involved. she just wants the "immediate" gratification. That being said....i still do love her. she's the mother of my children. i will always care for her very deeply. our interactions have been pretty good over the last 2 months. we had a fight, new years eve. I'll admit, i provoked it. i made a promise to myself that if she did something that pissed me off, i would tell her. so i did. it provoked the fight. but things have been different since then. we also have had to spend a good deal of time together the last couple of weeks, as our youngest had her tonsils out, and had some setbacks. Don't worry, she's fine. just stubborn about some things...where'd she get that from, huh? My W always asks about people who used to be our mutual friends, but since the split, have become solely mine. no one talks to her, except, as far as i can tell, the troll. i feel sorta bad, but also realize that this is the bed she's made. now, she's gotta lay in it.

as for me....

i'm doing good. i bought a house....which was a huge turning point for me. this apartment i'm in represents all that went wrong with our relationship, and i felt stuck here. so i bought a house. Will be moving in a week or so.

i've also started to play the field a little bit. been out on some dates..nothing too serious. I have been dating this one particular woman for almost a month and a half. she's divorced, with a child. she GETS it. she's ok with the fact that i still love my w. she understands. she's cool to hang out with...and a lot of fun! Does my W know? IDK....but, honestly, I really don't care.


People have asked me...would you get back together with her if she wanted to? I honestly can say....IDK..and not because of this woman. it's mostly because i finally feel liberated and free and myself. My W stifled me incredibily. I see that now. She said i controlled her. Nope. She controlled me. i see that so plainly now.

here's what i have to say......newbies, look to improve yourself. stop worrying about what your S is doing or who they're doing it with. you can't control them. don't try. you'll move faster if you stop worrying about them, and focus on yourself and improving your flaws. I still have my flaws. I'm very conscienious of them...and i work hard to balance them.

Have patience. That's something i've learned the hard way....

Pray. God always answers prayers. Maybe not always in the way we want, but He does know what's best for us. Trust Him to make it better.

and to my friends....Mules, KJ, suzy, NDS, PDT (i love the new album, BTW), Bill, Forrest, Scookie, Bridge, Sandi, Christarn, Coach, Twindad, and anyone i might've forgotten (I'm SORRY!!!) thanks......you can find me....."over there"

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's great to hear from you Neil. You sound great!!!

I was watching The Boss on cable last nite, the Madison Square Garden show from 2000. It was awesome! At one point he stood up on Bittan's piano and just WRUNG THE SWEAT out of his shirt!

What can I say, I'm a shooting star, baby.

Puppy

[Coach]

Hey Neil, You sound pretty good, finally got the detached thing going on. Happy you are OK with who you are. Strength and Honor.

Cheers
Coach

[Tawnya]

{{{Neil}}} So glad you posted..I was hoping you would update to let us know how you are! You sound like you are in a really good place and I couldn't be more happy for you

Congrats on the new house!

Tawnya

[Neilh23]

thanks you guys. i actually am in a good place. i still have my moments where i get frustrated with the situation and want to try and talk my W into reconciling....but i know that if it's gonna happen, it's gonna be small steps. we are taking slow steps....right now, we are just reestablishing our friendship (whether she realizes it or not..) I decided a long time ago, i couldn't lose her as a friend. that was the worst possible scenario. if i can't have her as a W, then friend will do it.

at the same time....i won't file come June. that's on her to do that. I still wonder what her thoughts are sometimes.....but again, that's normal.

[Neilh23]

and just one more friend i need to mention....1Hope.....your posts to me were the ones that inspired me the most....thank you. :-)

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Neil--

It is good to see you in this place, even if it did require you being away from us to get to it. I am so proud of the many steps I have seen you take even since the holidays. Keep walking in faith, rebuild that friendship, and let God work. He is awesome and will make a way where there is no way.

Blessings, grace, and dignity~
SMW

[smartcookie]

Neil, so good to hear from you. You sound like you're doing really well.



<< i see who she is and how she acts......that's not who i want to be with. i don't think she has any idea about relationships....

this exactly describes my sitch.

Wishing you the best always,

Hugs

[steady]

Hi Neil. Glad to see you back. You sound like you're in a good place and I'm happy for you. I was wondering where you went and saw your post so I decided to drop on by.

[Neilh23]

SMV, SC, Steady...thanks. your support is much appreciated.

i have to admit that i've been struggling as of late. things still bother me....like i haven't resolved some issues. my IC and i have been working on it. we had a very very tough session on tuesday. I felt like i reverted in some of my thinking processes. but i'm getting better.


that being the case, i think i'll take my leave of htis place again. I've found that it does bring back many painful memories for me......perhaps when i heal more, i'll return again.

till then.....