2009 - The Craziness Continues

[lost_in_space]

Lost, me thinks the W is hitting bottom.

Sounds like reality is jumping up and biting her in the butt. Of course she's going to grab on to anything she can that you're doing/not doing to justify.

Not sure if you're still interested in making it work or not...

H4U, hitting bottom but still a ways to fall. She starts her "full time job" on Monday, but is only working 75% - not exactly "full time" as I remember it. Do I want to continue this? Don't know. Some days I think about saying "F It" and filing on basis of adultery so it is over quick. Other days, not there. She certainly is grabbing on to anything. Up to now I have been fairly calm and passive about things. Next mediation meeting she will be hit with the news that I want the house and will get her an advance on her payout if she signs it over asap. Time to put the wheels in motion and see what she really wants to do. Right move? Not sure, but I am not getting anywhere doing what I have been for as long as I have - I know you can relate to that!

I do believe our "ego" is the biggest thing that gets in the way where reconciling, forgiveness, etc. is concerned. So sad to think how many people have lost the love of their life simply b/c of their ego.

Hi, LIS.....just dropping in for a bit since it has been a while. I have to hand it to you and H4U that you guys have really hung in there a long time. I know you must be weary. Hope you are taking care of yourself.

Sandi

Hi (((Sandi))). It has been a long time. EGO. That is the kicker indeed. W told me in the summer that she had "told her mom and dad and sisters that she was doing this (D) and couldn't turn back". EGO - exactly! Not sure who she has to prove something to, but she is out to do that it seems.

I am tired of this. I am most at peace with my kids the 4 nights I have them or day 2 / 3 when I do not. Change over day is rough!!! But I am trying to take care of me. Just need to develop a plan to move my life forward in some fashion more consistently than I have been.

{{{LIS}}} Glad you updated again! My mom said something interesting to me when these kind of convos would come up with my hub, she said a lot of times we "project" or say something about the other person when really it's something we see or don't like in ourselves..that could be what is going on here??

I'm glad YOU are doing okay and hang in there!!

Tawnya

I've said the same thing too. I've noticed that before. She seems to describe herself when she describes you. Weird!!!

(((Tawnya))) and (((Karen)))

I am getting to know a LOT about projection. I think she is !!

Here are my thoughts:

* W thinks I am being a "disneyland" dad (am not doing anything different than normal - W thought I was cheap before). Also feel I need to be more disciplinarian with the kids.

I bet you HAVE gotten closer to the kids. Everyone holds on tight to those that are dear to them when they are hurting. You know those kiddos are going through a lot with all of this, so you are doing more with them. All understandable. Not sure about the discipline. Are your kids in need of it lately?

* W is an "emotional wreck".

Of course she is, she's breaking up a family. It's what she should have expected.

* W doesn't regret what she has done / is doing.

If she says she regrets it, that would mean it is her fault. If she divorces you, she wants it to be all your fault. Otherwise, how could she look at herself in the mirror?

* W is pi$$ed at me for not following through and procrastinating such as with listing our house for sale (hey, her D, she can do whatever; I am not bending over backwards. Besides, I am leaning toward keeping the house).

The quicker this is done, the quicker she can try to forget about it and make it all about how you wrecked the marriage. By stalling, you make her have to think about stuff. She doesn't want to.

* W didn't know what she was getting herself into with D; thought it could be over in a day (very Hollywood IMO).

I don't think anyone truly realizes the devastation of the divorce process until you go through it. So many people are divorcing that you think it can't be all that awful. But, it is. And, again, she wants to "throw away the marriage" and forget about it. This time and effort makes her have to face things. She doesn't want to.

* Sad for k's - they need "firmer boundaries" from me (??) and a "stable", "non-angry" mom.

What boundaries does she think you need to be giving them? You have no control over her stability and happiness. That's all her. She doesn't realize that yet. It took me a LONG time to realize that no one person can make me happy. That's up to me.

(((wdid))) the angel speaks! How are you?

Kids are not in need of discipline / different boundaries from what I can see. They seem to enjoy things when I am there. Friends of D16 have said to their moms (who have told me) that it is much more relaxed when I am in the house and they enjoy it more. That says a lot to me.

I would say it would be great if someone like you could talk to W but she won't listen anyway. Yes she has to fact things but she runs instead, or paints me as a monster. It is all up to her and she has chosen to ignore it.

Hey Randy!

I read your last post and WDID thoughts....she is 110% on the money!

I read your wifes "list"....and I see my own wife!!

disneydad.....yup

closer to kids....yup

W is emo(12yr old lingo) wreck.....yup

regret.....yup

D taking to long/me stalling....yup
you get the point!!


Blame shifting is the name of the game....Its all they have left Randy!!

Selfish is about the only "feeling" they have left.....

Carp, ABSOLUTELY!!!!! SELFISH to the max! Thanks for stopping bud. Our W are so similar aren't they????

((((Lost)))) Shes delusional...still. Its SO much cleaner to blame it on you and you aren't cooperating. Shes got a lot of growing up to do. When you realize that things don't go your way, 99.9% of the time AND you are already out of Jr. High this equals everything and everyone sucks. Shes a spoiled brat and because she actually has to do things the grown up way, this is the equivalent of a temper tantrum.

Sounds like you and the kids are doing better. Just wanted to let you know I'm still reading.

(((S&S))) How's my caped DB friend? Growing up is not in her plan. She is living the George Burns song "I wish I was 18 again". Spoiled and wants the world on a silver platter.

Glad to hear you ae still reading and yes, I am, for the most part doing fine.

Thanks all. I will try to get back here more. Now that we are on a 4/4 schedule, it gives me more time. Take care til next time!

[Hope4us]

I'm with ya LIS. Some times I'm ready to say F it all and then I get a second wind and can continue on.

EGO. I think that's one of my W's biggest problems. Maybe mine too. If W let go of OM and the A feelings and worked on our marriage, then she'd have to admit to herself that she F'd up, and I don't know if she's got it in her. Her whole family never takes responsibility for anything that goes on. It's always someone else's fault. I sure wish W's Grandmother was still alive. She'd kick W's A**. Grandma was the only one that was stable and RESPONSIBLE in W's life. And she LOVED me. Oh well.

Keep your chin up. I'll remind you what I remind myself constantly. You can look at yourself in the mirror and KNOW that you're doing the RIGHT thing. If it doesn't work, at least you can sleep at night.

[Tawnya]

{{{LIS}}}} good to see you and glad you stopped in to say hey and update!! Sorry that your changeover day is rough Hope you find something good to occupy that day so it will get a bit easier for you my friend!!

Hope you've had a good weekend!!

Tawnya

[lost_in_space]

Hey all. On my BB so will keep this brief for now so as not to make too long so I don't have too many spelling errors.

Mediation update:
- I had gone to sign some bank docs at W's request; she had not yet gone but she was the one in a panic.

- I offered to buy her out of the house. She refused (even though offered that to me in past). Said k's wanted to sell. I had talked to k's this past weekend and 2 / 3 want to keep while third is indifferent.

- W still thinks I am hiding $$

- W upset re house as she has "$xxx,xxx of a gift from her parents in house and no way he (LIS) is getting it".

- w wants to revisit 50/50 and custody with lawyer. Says she will no longer disc anything without lawyer - back to square 1.

- W realizes this was her doing but "it is not a death sentence". She feels she has compromised a great deal (for example by moving out of the bedroom) and will not do anymore.

- W wants $$ (she did start a "full time" job today working 9-3...???

Anyway - morer later. I am soooooooo frustrated and

[Tawnya]

{{{LIS}}}} Ugh man..I hate that for you so much I am hoping things will turn back around for you!!

Hugs and a listening ear (well eyes) are the best I've got to offer!

Tawnya

[kat727]

She just wants it all doesn't she? I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Stay focused and as grounded as possible. Wish I had better advice. Maybe puppy is running around?

kat

[lost_in_space]

(((Tawnya))) and (((kat))). Thanks to both of you sweeties for stopping by. ENTITLEMENT sums it up. "Heartless" by Kanye is on the radio now - how appropriate!

Forgot to mention another of W's complaints. I only talk to her in mediation and not otherwise. Well isn't that what she wanted? I don't understand that and after how I have been treated and verbally slammed and abused, I do not really feel like talking at this point.

As C Brown says, "Good grief"!

[Hope4us]

Don't try to figure it out LIS. It'll only drive you crazy and if you do figure one thing out, the target will only change to the next "thing" you don't do right.

"believe nothing of what they say......"

[lost_in_space]

H4U, thanks for the reminder. "Never believe...". Gee you'd think I'd have that engrained in my head already...

[Tawnya]

{{{LIS}}} LOLOL about the Heartless..I think Heartless is you men's theme song as Before He Cheats is our gal's theme song

My hub one time said that I was obviously giving him the cold shoulder or something..I was like 'ummm..ok? well..LOL"..yeah I like how she doesn't want you to talk to her but yet she wants you to talk to her..I think that "never believe" could be our DB tattoo LOLOL

You sound better today..I hope you have had a good day despite the crap!!

Tawnya