Right back at ya girl!! I think we all deserve to enjoy our lives. I just keep telling myself how cool I am! haha
At least I know I have great friends, both on here and at home. Everyone is so supportive, and I wouldn't have such great friends if I didn't deserve them, right?
Son...LOVE that you keep telling yourself how cool you are..THAT is awesome (and true!)
I totally agree..I am SOOOO thankful for my friends, both on here and in person, that I don't know if they'll/you all will ever know just how thankful I am for them and how much them/you just listening and being there and being so supportive and loving has made such a difference You are right..you wouldn't have it if you weren't so cool
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
The weekend has gone ok so far. Yesterday when I woke up, H had surprised me and actually did a load of laundry. The funny thing is he mad a point to wash a pair of my scrubs for work. H has never done that before. I was pretty surprised, but also pleased.
I did get irritated later when I asked H if he had any plans for next weekend. I know I shouldn't have asked let alone get irritated, but I couldn't help myself. H asked me what was next weekend and I told him it was Valentine's day. He was real casual and said he hadn't thought about it. My response was, "well let me know if you want to do something because I have already had several offers to go out and if you don't want to do anything I will go with them."
At first I think he was taken back, as if the offers were from OM. He asked me who with and I told him (all girl friends). Then I said "I have a life too you know." Shouldn't have said that. I wish I had just left it a bit of a mystery. Oh well, I can't go back now.
I don't know if it will make any difference. It seems that H is hapy to spend time together as a family, but resistant to spend time with just me by myself. I don't know. I know I shouldn't expect him to be having plans for the next weekend, but I can't help but be a little hurt. H has always been the romantic one, with many surprises for me on special occassions. Now that I think about it, it's been a few years since he has done anything like that. I wish I had opened my eyes to that a few years ago.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. God Bless! K
{{{Son}}} I hate that you had to go thru the "semi cold shoulder" about next weekend..maybe your hub will surprise you and want to do something..yeah next time leave the "air of mystery" about it..but, at least you have other plans if he doesn't come thru!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I've decided that I have a lot of work to do. H and I are getting along, however I am continuing to determine my mood based on H and his response. I have to stop that. I go on other peoples sitchs and preach detaching and how much better you will feel, but I have not taken my own advise.
I have been pretty good at GAL, but I still run them past H instead of following through with plans regardless. IDK, shoule I be doing that? We are sort of piecing things, so I am torn? When H is at work, I never worry about what I do. But, if some plans come up for the evening, I usually run them past H before accepting. I think it's because I don't want to make plans and then have H want to come over, but I am gone.
I know I should just do what I want, but I can't help but feel that may not be the best thing to do. I would love some input. Somedays I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Right now I feel like I don't know what direction to go.
Yesterday I talked to H about coming over to the house after work, and wanted to know his plans. H asked me if it mattered (I think he was wondering if I was up to something with someone else. I let him know that it matters because it changes what I say to the kids. They still don't know that he has his own apartment. Aafter I told him that, he agreed not to come over to make it easier on them.
Then he called me on his way home (we were at gymnastics), on his way to his apt, after supper, and again before the kids went to bed. He nevers calls me that much when he's not at home. I thought it was rather interesting.
Today, we called when everyone woke up, but then I didn't call or TM (usually I might). About noon, H sent me a TM that said "Hope you are having a great day". IDK, it seems kind of interesting. Do you think he was worried that I might be with someone else? I think taking a step back is the most important thing I can do.
Tomorrow we have a MC appt. I don't know what H is going to bring up, but I hope it goes well.
{{{Son}}} Gosh..it is sometimes so hard to read them isn't it?? I was just reading a little thread Phoenix started talking about babysteps that was interesting about how we can watch for babysteps so much that it makes us focus so much on our spouses instead of what is going on in us..
On the other hand, these things sound promising, but, for ME anyway, it would be more about the consistency of these things happening..does that make sense??
Either way, it sounds like your day was good and I hope you have more and more wonderful days!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Your H still seems very confused, but at least you seem to be a big part of his equation. Better confused than determined to leave, I say. Anyhow, keep doing what you've been doing and hopefully he will begin to see clearly.
By the way, one of your earlier posts reminded me so much of myself. You were concerned that he wasn't managing his money well and paying his bills on time. I have those same thoughts/concerns. My W always made a big stink about wanted to control the finances, and now that she is in charge of her own she's constantly overdrawn, bills are late, etc. etc. I am a budget director at a major university, so I always thought it made sense that I control the bills (and I did a good job of it!). Anyhow, point is let your H make his own mistakes. Stop worrying about him. Remember, your are supposed to be his W, not his mother. Have you ever read Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage, by Stormie Omartian? It's an excellent book and one I think you will find helpful.
Everyday I learn so much more about myself and my sitch. Wednesday was another MC session, and this one was the most emotional yet. I learned that my H isn't really the one having such a hard time working on putting our M together, I am. Many of H's complaints about our M have been directed at my treatment of him. And they are valid. I was resentful and said and did many hurtful things over the years.
I have been dealing with such guilt that I haven't treated my H with the honor and respect that he deserves. What I have learned is that H may be working on forgiving me, but I need to work even harder at forgiving myself. I don't know why that is so hard. I always said that both of us contributed to the place that our M is in, but I know that unless I can get past my part, I will never truly heal our M.
I want so badly to R with H, and I really believe that is what H wants as well. In the beginning, H said he was uncomfortable when I said ILY and initiated contact. Now that we are at this stage, it's hard because I have to learn how to show my love, ask for what I want, and become vulnerable again. It's so scary. I think it's almost easier to act nonchalant and GAL and detach. I am back to facing rejection, but if I don't try and risk a few things, we will never move forward.
This last week has been so eventful. To paraphrase, H confessed to everything this weekend. Confirmed EA/PA, asked to move home, ended A in front of me, and confessed to MC. All of his stuff is already home, and we are working on moving through the effects of the A.
I'm so happy about how things are going, but now find myself suddenly dealing with the feelings associated with confirming the PA. I suspected for a long time, but to hear it from H's mouth is a different story. H has agreed to NC and transparency. I know that we are going to be fine, but I continue to have these moments of fear, anger, and pain. I don't think I was prepared for that.
(and true!)