M, Actually your could say, "h, I'm going to try to give you your half of the tax return, but I've got to first get the car up and running so that son and I can have transportation for work, etc. H, if this isn't acceptable, then maybe we need to start thinking about looking into us having the use of your car more or you assist in running the errands, etc."
It's time for him to step up to the plate M, you've done everything humanly possible to keep your family up and running while he's sitting in the dark playing a mushroom. I think he's paralyzed and needs a jolt of something and that something could very well be money...notice his interest in the tax return. BTW, why is he so interested in that return any way?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
God will provide the answer for your questions. I know it is hard. Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel. He (my hubby) was mean to my daughter and it hurt me. But today...I am over it. It may set us back a few steps but it's okay. PLEASE only take God's advice on what to do. I know it's hard not to ask your friends for advice but doing what they tell you to do and not what God tells you to do gets everyone in trouble.
He is your husband, he is your family, love him as Christ loves us...forgiving and forgetting.
Yes, he has the best of both worlds but I wouldn't want to be in either one of this worlds. So what if he comes to your house for a meal and some peace and quiet? You would offer the same to anyone who you wanted to date wouldn't you? So, consider him a date (a not so nice and sometimes rude date). He doesn't need ultimatums - he needs a friend. He probably needs a hug too. You know he knows he isn't doing right but let God deal with him.
MWG, I agree with the advice Snodderly is giving you.
Snowman,
Quote:
PLEASE only take God's advice on what to do.
I'm sorry, but I find this statement to be arrogant. If MWG didn't want anyone's advice she wouldn't of joined the boards.
God does not talk directly to us, he finds other ways to do so. Did you ever think he sent MWG here to divorcebusting so she could get some help?
Yes Christ wants us to be loving but he does NOT expect us to get walked all over in the meantime.
MWG, tell me you are 100 percent happy in your life right now and the way things are going and I will walk away.
We are not the devil trying to give you evil advice.
We really care about you and what is happening to you.
We are tired of you being treated like a door mat.
Nothing is going to change if things keep going the way they are going. Maybe God is giving you the tools to change things. He doesn't expect us to sit back and not do anything.
You don't deserve this. Something has to change.
((((((hugs))))))
Snodderly, I hope you don't mean you are leaving the boards. Your advice is well appreciated.
I'm sorry, I thought I was done posting, but I am just so bothered by this I had to post something else.
What many of us are going through is basically an emotional abuse. We set boundaries to help eliminate this.
If this was physical abuse, would anyone be giving the advice to MWG to still let him come over and feed him dinner? Would anyone be telling her that it's not her place to set boundaries? I just don't think Christ would expect us to sit back and take this, whatever abuse it is.
Yes he expects us to be loving, but he also expects us to love ourselves. No one is going to respect anyone who doesn't respect themselves.
MWG, I am not talking about you in particular. Just in general.
I am sorry you are going through this, I just am tired of seeing you struggling to make ends meet while he doesn't get off his arse to help you and your children out.
It's time for him to get off his pity chair and be a man.
Amen, MrsH. Snodderly your advice is very important to all of us here. Please continue to post.
MWG, I too am having a very hard time with all that you are enduring. Snodderly and MrsH and the others have given you great advice. Something has to change in your sitch or you will continue this way for the rest of your life. You deserve so much more than that. You are a kind and loving person. You are too kind sometimes and are being taken advantage of. This just kills me to see this happen. Bounderies are a good way to go. About the taxes, I have given you my opinion of that, I wouldn't give him anything.
Sorry if I have hurt your feelings but you know I love you like a sister and had to get it out!
My comment to MWG was not intended to offend anyone else on these boards who gives advice. I'm sorry you took it that way. MWG comes to these boards to get advice and that's okay too. If she seeks God's counsel and He tells her to set boundaries for her husband then by all means she should do that.
I don't think you meant to offend anyone, just voicing your own opinion. We all have our own opinion(s).
I believe God wants us to love unconditionally, forgive the sinner, but hate the sin.
I doubt that God asks us to ENABLE lost souls who have left their covenant marriages to live outside the marriage.
To help enable a WAS would be, as an example, giving them money that should be used towards family needs, to pay for their adulterous lifestyle. Somewhat like giving money to a drug addict for their next fix just because we love them.
Of course we love our spouses, but enabling their sin is not what God expects of us.
I believe this is why other posters here are suggesting she set boundaries now, as her H has shown little regard for his familys financial security. The debt that he has run up to live outside the marriage with OW will no doubt be a debt that she will be responsible for also (marital property/debt law in many states).
God hates divorce. God allows divorce if there is abandonment, abuse, adultery. I believe that MWG has a close, personal relationship with God, and I believe she will know if she is enabling her H or not...and what/how she feels God wants from her.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
