Tonight I took my kids to the church service and Possibility Lady showed up as she said she would. We all sat together, had a nice chat before the service and said "See ya tomorrow". It was a pleasant evening, at least for me. The kids never see these church services as pleasant, it takes them away from screens and gadgets for a few hours and therefore constant contact with their friends through email, instant messsaging, texting etc. Poor babies, maybe God should try instant messaging sometime.
Well, I must say, Plant Lady is one happy lady these days! Since I have re-introduced the "loving" Whatis she has a whole new demeanor. The woman actually seems happy to see me and instead of the forced "I guess I have to do this" smile she now beams at me. The other day I came across her in the coffee room and normally we ignore each other but instead I asked how she was, how her weekend was blah blah blah. It was a complete reversal of behaviour on my part. Every night now she leaves at the same time as I do, always smiling and waving instead of sneaking out 5 minutes earlier to avoid me. Honestly, I didn't realize how much impact my little "you do not exist" campaign had on her, she's so much more relaxed and just appears to be happier since I sounded the retreat! It's actually quite enabling to recognize that you can have such an impact on others when you let a little love shine. Sometimes you just forget that you do have effect on others and your world, I do anyway. We are all significant
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Keep helping others, Being Me. It's one of the best medicines around! Has anybody else ever had a dream where right in the middle you tell yourself you shouldn't be dreaming this? In the middle of my dream last night I was asking the Lord to take this stupid dream away and I was asleep! Who prays when they're asleep? Really weird. The funny thing was that it wasn't a bad dream but I knew the content of it would just haunt me during my waking hours. I was right too, I haven't shaken that stupid dream all day! Oh well, another night and another dream to come, hopefully a nightmare as I seem to handle them better
Wii, I could write a book on dreams. The typical is that the dreams are trying to get you past something your subcons.in order to get to a particular point in the waking hours. Something unsettled, something being sorted out or to be sorted out, usuallly of importance. On the other hand, per my maternal grandmother, that's your guardian angel gentley nudding you to be prepared for things to come or things that are unfolding around you that will eventually have an impact on you. (and that's another entire book) Not knowing the content of, I would still say welcome it back. Let it unfold. Knowledge to be gained.
Well, it's just a dream about better times GB. I guess, I miss that kind of R and sometimes dream about it. It hurts but it serves to remind me I'm human and somewhere, sometime I will be able to reach out again to someone but that time sure isn't now! Tonight I had to do one of my subtle crisis interventions on the homefront. STBX went off on one of her little tantrums on D15 and has been refusing to talk to the kid all week. This usually means STBX is stressed out or sick or both! What I notice is that when I'm there somehow she's able to let go of her anger and actually reach out to her D. It's almost like she's afraid to put down the armour unless she knows I'm there, it's somehow reassuring to her. So today, I called her and volunteered to take D11 to an appointment instead of her. She gets off work a lot later than I so I thought that might help to lessen her edge somewhat. On the way to the house I stopped at a restaurant and bought dinner for the four of us. I had D11 phone her mom and tell her that there was a meal waiting at home and she wouldn't have to cook. We all ate dinner together and for the first half STBX was not acknowledging D14 but then began to interact. Finally she brought up the issue between her and D and said "I know sometimes I go overboard, it's because I worry about you. I love you so much that I want the best for you. Sometimes I get carried away...." So the issue was discussed and we had a nice dinner. In a way it saddens me because the girls were just so excited to have Dad there for dinner and I can't do anything to bring what was back. Anyway, I think my ability to lighten up the mood always allows STBX to work through her mood and try to fix things. Usually, I try to stay out of their beefs but there are times when I feel I need to intervene. It's subtle but seems to work. During dinner I also asked STBX if she would attend the Easter service at my church, I'm singing in the choir. She agreed to come with the girls. That makes me so emotional, the thought of having my whole family with me at church just gets me teary. STBX hasn't stepped in a church in probably 15 years, I hope something inside her gets touched, not in the hopes of getting her back but in the hopes that she finds her faith again and becomes a happier, healthier person. But I guess that's just one more dream, we'll see.
This morning I picked up STBX and D11 and we went to D's gymnastics Meet. I arrived at STBX's door with a travel mug of coffee for her and she presented me with a thermos of coffee for me to drink at the Meet. It was kind of funny, both of us presenting the other with morning coffee. We had a nice morning sitting with the other parents and watching the Meet. D11 earned a First place and two Second place finishes, she was very pleased with the mornings performance and was the star of her Club today. Afterwards we went out for lunch together. D15 stayed home and slept as we had to be at the Meet by 7 am! Well, tomorrow is Whatis's birthday, happy birthday to me! STBX and the kids are taking me out for dinner at an East Indian restaurant. Should be another nice time. Later dbers.
