HI Corri, I should put this on the jouurnal thread, but we've become one big fused family here anyway.
I am in the midst of starting up a new career...it is very exciting, and I do feel passionate about it. But here is the thing...multitasking is not my forte; I tend to focus my energies on a thing at a time, and I like to do things well. I was like this with my original work ( I even hold an MD degree) and with raising the kids. And you have been able to see the energy and focus it took to get a grip on my marital problems....who knew it would take so long and that my marriage was so incredibly far gone?
What is missing in my life is balance. I have yet to learn to wear different hats throughout the course of the day. I know I can't take my H for granted as I resurrect a career identity, and we are both going to watch out for that this time. He said he's going to come forward when he feels neglected, and I will try to remember to keep my relationship/sexual hat on.
I don't know why I have lived my life feeling I have to do it all alone, and that is the biggest lesson I have learned, to draw on the support of others and bring people along with me on the journey ( see, IC, you are not the only one guilty of this). I have invited God to come along, but God has been there the whole time, laughing at me.
Corri, I am so happy you continued to post here...I have been blessed having those Corri consults, and if you need me for anything, just say the word.
What is missing in my life is balance. I have yet to learn to wear different hats throughout the course of the day. I know I can't take my H for granted as I resurrect a career identity, and we are both going to watch out for that this time. He said he's going to come forward when he feels neglected, and I will try to remember to keep my relationship/sexual hat on.
RJ, you might have been describing my husband with the above. He is a software engineer and a gifted musician/composer, and historically, whenever he is wearing those hats, he finds it very difficult to shift out of that mode when it's time to pay attention to me (at first I wrote "spend time with me", but the time means little if only the body is present). We happened to just be talking about this today, in terms of some of the coping tactics he has developed, so I'll pass them along, FWIW.
One of the things he does is change clothes as soon as he gets home from work. He's become a bit of a clothes horse after 17 years with me, and has a nice collection of very comfy lush loungewear. The ritual of actually, physically changing "uniforms" seems to accomplish the mental task of "changing hats" very effectively for him. Also, he has found it very effective to take a shower when he comes home or whenever he feels the need to "shift gears" mentally.
Your mileage may vary. But I think getting creative with simple "rituals" might help.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Balance. Well. Now THERE is a WORD if I ever heard one.
Balance is a word we tend to use when we don't really feel like being balanced. We have something else that is distracting us, and we want to give all our energy to IT, and we let IT suck us dry... and when we are drained... we say... wow... I need to 'balance.'
Would you do the job you are doing for free? Meaning, if they weren't paying you to do it, would you still do it, with all that drive and commitment? If you say no, it isn't your passion. It is filling a void... probably an identity void.
If you say yes... then, you know when it is time to put it aside so you don't drain yourself, so you have something to continue to give to IT to continue to feed the passion.
And 'balance' isn't an issue.
The things we are passionate about don't suck us dry. They feed us. If you arrive home more energized than when you left, you've got passion.
New careers are exciting. 'New' things are exciting. Riding roller coasters are exciting.
The things we are passionate about don't suck us dry. They feed us. If you arrive home more energized than when you left, you've got passion.
I have to remember this. I allow things to become all consuming, and shut off other areas. Compulsivity and perfectionism come to mind. Too bad I never seem to get mania as an option!
My new work involves putting together different modalities of Wellness. I like the fact that I am doing this with my psychologist friend from college. She herself has been feeling isolated in her one-to-one work world, and our connection now is helping us both grow. Kind of like this board...you need others. We've been working on this in the background of our lives for a long time now, and it's time to bring it forward. Scary and exciting. But concepts/ideas like this are a dime a dozen here, so I am keeping my main source of revenue( investment stuff) intact. And I have my H on board with me...he's coming with me to look at two spaces this week, and he wants to help me make this a reality.
I am able to do this now because the kids are getting bigger and in a place where I can let go more; I am having major nostalgia for their " little years" but I am adjusting...well, I think I am anyway. I feel the sadness of passage of time and change, but the depression is under control. My brother is handling more of the day to day stuff regarding my parents, and God bless him for that. I am not avoiding, however, and am going down with the family for Thanksgiving.
As far as filling a void, I do think the process of losing my father has driven so much of my behavior, from confronting my marital prioblems to re-engaging in a career. And I think that's all right, as long as it's not solely pain that is driving all this, but the deisre to grow and bring out the best.
I miss him so much.
Anyway, Journey is growing up, and I thank you all for being there, as you go through your own life journeys.
I do think the process of losing my father has driven so much of my behavior, from confronting my marital prioblems to re-engaging in a career. And I think that's all right, as long as it's not solely pain that is driving all this, but the deisre to grow and bring out the best.
I miss him so much.
RJ, did I miss something important? The last I remember, your dad was in a nursing home... in fact, I was going to ask you how he was doing. How did I miss this... if you're saying he passed away... or is he still living, but you meant you "miss him" as he was? Sorry to be so dense, but please forgive me and bring me up to date.
I'm still waiting to hear from the ankle doctor. Hope to get in to see him today.
Lil, I meant the losing process. My dad has been on borrowed time...he knows it and so do I. In fact, I feel so fortunate that he has held on the way he has...a real tribute to his spirit and the medical care. He's doing this with grace and humor, as best he can.
Would you do the job you are doing for free? Meaning, if they weren't paying you to do it, would you still do it, with all that drive and commitment? If you say no, it isn't your passion. It is filling a void... probably an identity void.
Quick question, and I don't have many free thinking brain cells left to work on here but...I know the 2 can go hand in hand, but might you be in danger of losing your passion for something if you've turned it into a necessity - such as a job? I like what I do for a living..would I call it a passion? No. I have a passion for hunting..would I like to do it for a job? No.
Just something to ponder and someone please put some validation behind my argument...I would hate to think I gave up pursuing a career in gynocology for fear of losing a passion - Corri, I know...get my azz back in the closet {IC muttering to himself as he closes the door behind him }
You guys have a wonderful evening and I'll be in touch...got to go get amped up by some chemicals being injected into my veins - yippee
Lil, I meant the losing process. My dad has been on borrowed time...he knows it and so do I. In fact, I feel so fortunate that he has held on the way he has...a real tribute to his spirit and the medical care. He's doing this with grace and humor, as best he can.
((((((((((( RJ )))))))))) hugs and prayers from the IC's
Quick question, and I don't have many free thinking brain cells left to work on here but...I know the 2 can go hand in hand, but might you be in danger of losing your passion for something if you've turned it into a necessity - such as a job? I like what I do for a living..would I call it a passion? No. I have a passion for hunting..would I like to do it for a job? No.
I agree 100% I really like my job but it's not my passion. but have you noticed that the machanic always has cars around his house that do notrun? and the gardener has the most weeds around his house.? you do it all day you don't wantto do it when ya get home.
Originally Posted By: Imconfused0807
I would hate to think I gave up pursuing a career in gynocology for fear of losing a passion
What you too??
Husband
Last edited by husband; 11/13/0703:04 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
- Corri, I know...get my azz back in the closet 
{IC muttering to himself as he closes the door behind him }