You have some great posts already, NC, what they said! I do think there is a plan that is working out in your life and also your W's if she will let it. Things will work out for the best for you and your sons. ((((NC)))))
It sounds like you're doing great! Do not go into the apartment (reminds me for some strange reason of those horror movies where the people go into the scary psycho house for some bizarre reason!) good job on the forwarding the email and I like mc's idea re: that too. The more you can NC, just trying to do emails and like lwb suggested just responding to the good stuff, the better it will be for you and your sons. And I think even your W will regret some of the ugly stuff she has done in time. Karen
I have been debating whether I should even give W any reply anymore, let alone what that response would be. I am certain she is cataloging my prior responses to make me out to be manipulative and controlling.
MC, I have blown through my sizable retainer already, almost entirely through billable hours accrued by the few emails I've exchanged with my L. But I'll up the ante and feed a little more of W's nastigrams along to my atty, for a little while more at least.
I have written lots of potential responses, but have only filed them away. I keep thinking that nothing will make a difference anyway, and it would be better not to feed her drama, ... or taint my soul any further by stooping to her level. I worry that I might someday regret not taking more direct action, especially if she manages to somehow convince a judge that I am the villain she makes me out to be and that ends up neutralizing my ability to parent. I just don't trust our legal system to come to the right or just decisions in this.
Right now the thing that has me galled is that W has told me I now have to, in effect, report into the wicked MIL what the precise times I will be picking up and dropping off my sons at her place each day. I am the father here and yet I am being treated as subservient to her hostile, evil mother.
At least I have been having a good weekend with S8 and S4. The weather has been fantastic (too bad our bike rides were curtailed by S8's blasted malfunctioning rear hub. We've had fun outdoors nonetheless.)
Right now the thing that has me galled is that W has told me I now have to, in effect, report into the wicked MIL what the precise times I will be picking up and dropping off my sons at her place each day. I am the father here and yet I am being treated as subservient to her hostile, evil mother.
Why would you need to do that? H and I email each other about stuff like that, pickup times and schedules and activities and that. Maybe you could email your W with the info she wants, and if your W wants to share it with MIL, let her pass it on or do what she wants with it?
I try not to give any replies unless necessary, sometimes he wants a yes or no or something and I do that. I try to make it businesslike and professional and polite, but will admit to occasionally throwing in a little of my trademark trying to be funny stuff. Can't help it, who I am, but I have totally stopped with the smiley faces at least (to H). Karen
Karen, W is plain and simply a control-freak. This is what it all boils down to. She gets her jollies just bossing others around.
<journaling>
It was a year ago that I got the solid proof from the P-I of W's A being a PA. The part about it that is the most unbelievable is that we are still not D'ed -- this time last year I would have sworn she would have filed looong before now. And still to this very day she wants to try to deny there is/was ever an A.
The part about it that is the most unbelievable is that we are still not D'ed -- this time last year I would have sworn she would have filed looong before now. And still to this very day she wants to try to deny there is/was ever an A.
I can't believe I'm still married either. If you had told me I was going to have to go through this for prob. about 2 years before it would be over, I would have told you no way could I get through this. But I have, and actually I'm happier than I've been in years. Weird!
Well, I don't know what's worse, a WAS denying their A or like in my case, where my H kind of flaunted it!!! Both are pretty bad. Wacky WAS!!! Karen
I got word from my atty today. W's L contacted her to state their latest stance. W now wants me to only have the track-out periods with S8 except for one week each year (so she can take them on a vacation with her). W claims she wants to have all of the tracked-in/school nights with the S's, implying I am incompetent to help my children with school.
That means that I would have them less than 25% of the year. As my L put it, that would be "moving backwards" with regards to my time with my sons.
I am trying to fathom the grounds upon which any sane person would think that appropriate.
I also suspect that the MIL is also ready to testify in a custody hearing -- I gather that she is sending messages to W's L claiming she has first hand knowledge of how terrible a person I am and thus unfit to raise my S's. Or at least that's the tone I am gathering from the email W's L sent my atty.
It is sad that so many people think nothing of perjuring themselves.
...
Thinking about this is staggering...
I had a coworker ask me today how could someone be that evil towards their spouse. I nodded my head and said what I think she was thinking, "Yes, it hardly seems credible, don't it? That someone can do all these things, someone seemingly so nice and innocent... It's what I've been trying to get my mind around since the second she announced she was leaving me, and I still haven't been able to reconcile it in my own mind."
What my co-worker had said, though, the word "evil", has stuck with me ever since then. Yes, sadly, there is no other word that can be adequate enough to describe the repeated and willful treachery I have had to witness. Evil, just so evil...
How can someone live with themselves like that? How?
evil is right. And prob since she got this train of hate going full speed she is in "destroy him" mode and hasnt sat down and ask herself "is the the best for the kids/all involved?" maybe it is too late to act human for her and doesnt' want to open the possibility that perhaps she isnt' doing the right thing.
Hope your L refutes that stupid schedule, prayers your way))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
She is ridiculous. She is going to get worse, I fear. I am so glad you are legally represented. Make sure your attorney knows you won't settle for less than 50/50 custody.
I agree with lwb. I wouldn't worry about the MIL testifying. She sounds kind of nutty and I'm thinking, most people will dismiss what she would say as being biased, and she sounds a little nutty so I'm thinking that might even help you!
About the evil thing. I've thought about that too. Why when my H left the marriage and took up with OW, and abandoned his kids for the most part, would he be so nasty & rude to me? You'd think after the kind of stuff our S do that at least they'd be nice about it!!! I can't really say b/c I don't really understand their thinking, but I'm thinking they kind of have to believe you're the bad guy in this and they're the victim, b/c they def. don't want to think they're the bad guy in this. It's your fault the marriage fell apart, there was nothing they could do, it just happened, and it's easier to blame us than to look at themselves maybe.
One of our mutual friends told me tonight that H hadn't talked to him for a really long time, was acting very cold, but a couple days ago was friendly to our friend for some reason. Said he was surprised. I can't explain this kind of stuff either!!! Karen
I have another telephone conference with my L tomorrow about this. I also know that W is now getting ready to file a motion for D. I'm not worried about that any longer, in fact given all the h*ll this limbo has given me, I am ready to say bring it.
<journaling> Tonight W called after 8 PM. Her call came in on the Caller-ID as "PRIVATE CALLER" -- this has been happening a lot lately and I see it as her being annoyingly obvious that she is calling from OM's phone. All other phones show up as a particular known number. So I almost didn't pick up again -- for all I know these could have been calls from unwanted solicitors.
Tonight she got a bit perturbed when I told her she was coming in as a private caller again. She responded, "Yeah, so what?!?" I simply replied, "So, don't do that!" and handed the phone to S8.
After the call she sent me a nastygram via email:
Quote:
Please don't ever prevent me from talking to my sons. (I think you put that in the sep agreement. Which you should have signed when you had the chance). You don't own me. They know who it is (I heard S8 screaming on my answering machine the last time you played that silly "I don't know who it is because it says private caller" game. You know who it is if it is near 8 pm. You only hurt the boys by not answering. They don't care how my number shows up. They just need to know they are cherished. That is why I call. Thank you, W
She was punching/hammering my buttons again, yes. I sent this reply:
Quote:
You know you really need to lighten up.
You most certainly screen your own calls against strangers, but you still think you can dictate to me that I cannot do the same? I have been trying to teach S8 that we do not answer calls from people we do not know, as per the cub scouts achievements for safety and security, but you want to abrogate that because you refuse to call from one of the twoknown portable phones in your possession? Get over yourself.
It's simple -- don't try to contact us using stranger's phones.
After everything she's put us through and continues to do so, I am starting to hate her. God help me.
Karen
Karen